Husband refusing to seek help

[Zeke_apos_s_mumma]

Hi 

im new here and could use some advice. For a while my hubby has been struggling with depression. He hates his job (but is at a loss re what he'd like to do) and has a back injury from his army days that is getting worse and he is in constant pain.

he has admitted that he's ready to throw in the towel but he's only just hanging on because of me and the kids (8,6 and 1). He refuses to seek treatment and I don't know what I can do to help him. Any suggestions would be welcome. 

thank you

[white knight]

Hi Zeke, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

You cant force anyone to seek treatment. Sad as it is the outcome for your family isnt a good one if his stubborness prevails. The result will be you and the kids that suffer.

It's something I cannot fathom. Is it pride?  Likely, or he doesnt want meds that have side effects.

You can tell him from me, I'm a meds success story. Once diagnosed correctly with having 4 types of mental illness including depression, dysthymia, anxiety and bipolar type 2, the correct medication made so much difference to my life and my loved ones.

Ask him if he broke his leg if he'd get it attended to?  If he believes it is more manly to not get treatment he has it totally wrong.

Good luck and take care.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Zeke's mumma,

First of all, thank you for posting.

Second, can you please tell your hubby that I said, "Thank you for your service."

Third, it is hard for men to seek help,particularly men that are used to protecting others. (Military and Police are typical.) I am a retired policeman and one of my physical injuries is my lower back. My mental injury is PTSD. Please urge him to post or let him know that there is no shame in seeking treatment for either the back or the depression.

John Donne said, "No man is an island." But I hope the words of Dieter F. Uchdorf resonate; “There is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.”

Please, Zeke's mumma, drag him to the screen and tell him I will answer any post he cares to write.

Kind regards, John.

[AGrace]

Hi zeke's mumma,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing with us.

I wondered whether you have had a look at any of Beyondblue's have the conversation resources? I'm not saying they will give you all the answers but they might give you some ideas of where to start.

Has your husband ever sought help for his depression? A lot of people think that they can brave it on their own, but sadly only a handful have success with this. When you say he's ready to throw in the towel, are you speaking about giving up his job or ending his life? Is quitting his job and not working for a little while a viable option? I only ask this, as I struggled for 2 years with my job and continual remarks from my partner that I shouldn't quit until I had found a better source of employment. He was saying this with good intentions, I know he didn't realise the extent of the emotional turmoil I was dealing with inside. Looking back I wish I'd just taken it on myself to leave my job sooner. Instead I waited until I eventually broke.

Have you also spoken with him about the impacts of his depression on you and your children? Have you offered to seek help with him? Does he know what resources are available to him? Sometimes just a check up at the GP is a good starting point.

I hope this helps.

AGrace