Husband recently diagnosed with depression. I'm struggling.

[J151]

Hi guys I'm new here. I just need to vent to people who may understand my situation.
Just in the last week I have had my life flipped upside down and shaken. My husband has been diagnosed with depression.

Leading up to the diagnosis he was pulling away from me, barely sleeping, Spending a lot of time alone, Thinking. He told me he wasn't happy when he was at home with me and our son. He said he felt like a stranger in our home. And he was happier when he was on his own. So the week unraveled pretty rapidly. In a matter of days he was sleeping on the lounge-to going to his father to stay for a few days, told me he wasn't I love with me anymore and then I found messages to another woman- all the time he was spending alone, he was actually confiding in a female work college he barely knows.
At first when I asked him to see a doctor he refused but eventually decided to go and he was diagnosed with depression. He is now taking antidepressants and sleeping tablets. And is back at work. We are living together but separately so he can still see our son everyday. He seems to be ok for the most part (Better then he was a week ago). But I am falling apart. I'm struggling not having him as my husband. The no affection. The loneliness. He has told me he wants to give the medication and counseling a chance to work before he decides anything about us but he has told me he wants things to go back to the way they were a few weeks/months ago. Then he has also told me at the moment he doesn't want to be 'husband and wife'.
I just don't know how to help him get back to that. I desperately miss him. But don't want to push him away any further. my need to 'help him' takes over. I know my approach has been all wrong but I just feel so helpless, panicked. I don't know what to do from here.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi J151

First of all welcome to our forums. I hope you find our support useful and constructive.

I am so sorry to hear what is going on with you. I too have been through something like you and I also went into problem solve mode. But that didn't help. It just pushed him away further.

My thoughts would be to separate your marriage and your feelings from what your husband has just been diagnosed with. The immediate focus should be on getting him stabilised with the medication and new lifestyle practices part of his routine. Once this has occurred he will be more ready to have a constructive conversation about what has happened and its impact on you and your marriage.

Even though a diagnosis of depression is difficult, it is good to know what it is. Do you feel relieved that there is a name for what you have been witnessing over the past period of time?

While your husband is getting into management of his illness, you need to look after yourself. You too need to eat well, exercise, see family and friends and possibly even see a counsellor or a psychologist. Otherwise you will go down too which won't be helpful when your husband is ready to talk.

Hopefully this helps and keen to hear your thoughts.

Blue Jane