Husband close to leaving

[Bluey_moon]

Hi guys, 

i haven't been on here for a bit! To be honest I've been trying to stay off the Internet and concentrate on getting better! I have good days and I've had shockers! 

Today is a shocker! My paranoia of believing my paranoid thoughts, is rampant! I confessed my this to my husband, all about how one day I thought (after reading about scizophreniccs thinking people are watching them) , wow what if my ring had a camera in it, then the lamp! The whole time I knew it was silly! I had told him this before! But I think it so often I'm scared of believing it! Now he thinks I'm loosing it, (I'm scared of this too), and he said there is only so much he can take, then he'll leave! I'm scared! I don't know what else to try, cause he said I'm not trying hard enough! 

I'm also spending money to feel better, which is causing big problems! 

[Bluey_moon]

Please don't think I'll of him though, he's a good man and this has been hard on him! 

[Guest_1055]

Oh Bluey Moon, I remember you. Hugs to you.

I so much would like to help you, but I simply don't know how. All I can do is say I'm so sorry and give you a great big hug. But it doesn't seem enough. I'm hoping someone else can help you more.

Not sure how to end this reply, so I guess I will just say bye.

With love Shelley xx

[Bluey_moon]

Thanks Shelley, just being there is helping!

He's good man, I love him and he loves me, but it's hard on him you know! 

i know it is all the anxiety! I've spoken to two psyciatrists who say I'm not really paranoid, I just over analyse and over think thinks, hence the obsessive thinking! 

I hope you are doing ok Shelley xo

[pipsy]

Dear Bluey.  You say you realise you're being 'paranoid'.  Are you on meds for your anxiety.  It's easy for those on the 'outside' so to speak to threaten to leave once the going gets tough.  Your hubby knows you have these fears (they're real to you).   You obviously realise your watch doesn't have a camera, there's so many ways people CAN photograph you these days, though, so that's become a real fear.  Have you tried writing down when you feel threatened and why.  If you can write all of it down, then when you're thinking clearly, read what you've written, this may help alleviate some of your distress.  If you can see your G.P, get a referral to a specialist, this will also help settle you down.  

I reiterate what Shelley says too, big hugz.

[Guest_1055]

Hey Bluey Moon

Just wondering how you are getting along today?

Yes I really believe over thinking things causes all sorts of troubles for us.  For me it feels so, so heavy. And all you want to do is just have a nice long rest from your brain or your thoughts.  Just recently I was over thinking about a huge amount of all different issues at once. And what I did, was a little similar to what pipsy said.......I draw a large cloud type shape on a piece of paper, and then I just sat there. A had a pen and as soon as a one thought popped in, I would write it down. Like discarding that thought for a bit. I kept doing this until no more thoughts came to the surface. It did help, and my brain felt lighter. So maybe this would work for you too......  Or maybe you do this already, I don't know.

I can see you love your husband to, and I don't think ill of him. He most likely wants you to be free and happy, because he does love you.

There was a time, I spent money too, it sort of gave me a buzz or a high or something. Like you said to make yourself feel better. I used to buy books and books and books from op shops like from vinnies or from garage sales. So you are not alone there.

And yes ,I am doing OK. I truly hope you are feeling better today, and I am sending you another hug. You will be alright, you will be alright.

With love to you

Shelley xxx

[Bluey_moon]

Thanks Pipsey, 

he is doing it tough too, so I don't blame him! 

i ment know I'm paranoid about the camera thing, I spoke to my psych yesterday who says I am very stressed but not paranoid as I know the thoughts are Ridiculous! 

i am on an SSRI and seeing a psycologist and have seen a psyciatrist. Tomorrow I'm also changing my contraceptive in the hope it may help! 

Thanks for your concern! 

[Dwwmills]

Hello Bluey moon.

It’s good to hear from you again and is good to see that you
are still working at it. I’ve never had paranoid thoughts or not quite sure
what to tell you there. Just keep working away at the basics and follow what
your psychologist is telling you. It can be a bit of a drawnout process and you
go forward and backwards at different times.

It can be quite frustrating for our partners to deal with.
All you can do is do your best and hopefully they see the effort that you’re
putting in.

As I said before I found it helpful to keep a diary, as this
eventually shows up patterns in your thinking and can point out were areas that
need to tackle. You can also use this to remind you of helpful strategies that
you find that otherwise you may forget.

It must be your lucky day as well because what I do for a
living is make diamond rings. There’s just not enough room in there to fit a
camera I’m afraid. They’re fiddly enough to make without having to add
electronics. I think if I have to also start adding electronics to the rings it’s
time for me to retire.

Just keep working away at the anxiety you will beat it in
the end.

Dean

[Bluey_moon]

Hi Dean and Shelley, 

I apologise if this reply turns up twice but my phone seems to be playing up! 

Shelley, I do have a thought diary at the suggestion of my psycologist and Aunt (who has some experience with mental health issues as my cousin has bi-polar and PTSD). It is hard to write in it as the thought pops up though due to work. So it is mostly a reflective thing but is helpful all the same. 

You are right about my husband longing for me to be happy and free. His heart aches for the carefree girl he married. It breaks his heart to see me like this. It also frustrates him too, as he admits he doesn't really understand. 

Dean, the paranoid thoughts ( well I'm not sure this is the right term) aren't fun, I won't lie. It's more I'm scared I will start to believe the thoughts, so stemming from my fear of a delusional mental illness and how it would destroy my family! 

My psych nurse puts them more in the category of intrusive thoughts though. Because I don't actually beleive them, although they cause anxiety all the same. But the anxiety stems from my reaction to the thought, fear I'll make myself delusional, which I've been assured I won't do. Because if I was delusional I wouldn't know I was. Long winded hey?! 

I happen to be blessed (or cursed lol) with a very active imagination. And because I've dr googled and read unmoderated forums, (which I did yesterday, errrrr) it provides fodder for my imagination to run rampant. I have trouble filtering!

i am re-reading the happiness trap, to help me combat the thoughts. 

By the way, it is a sapphire ring 😉 lol, but I get your point 😄! 

Take care both of you and thank you for the advice! 

Skye

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Skye,

Its good to see you here again. I've been wondering how you've been.

Your husband clearly loves you, seeing you hurting is hard for him. What are your current techniques when you have an intrusive thought? You know they aren't true, so what is your plan when you have them?

do you have it written down? Might this help? So next time it happens, pull your plan out of your pocket and stick to it. It might have bullet points that help you remember that these are just thoughts, or it might have a list for you to follow to help calm yourself. Because it's when you are calm that you are best able to deal with your fear.

maybe you can also have a self soothing pack? A little collection of things that make you feel relaxed. Apparently the smell of lavender is meant to be calming, but it could be anything with a nice smell. Maybe a stress ball or a nice piece of fabric with a lovely texture.

also, do you think it might help, when youre feeling well to do something nice with your husband. You might not be able to plan it in advance, just be conscious of how you feel and if the right moment appears grab it and do something together. Something fun, even if it's just dancing together in the living room. Let him see that the girl he married is still there. 

I know you can do this Skye.