How to help young adult daughter

[Eliza2]

I hope there is some light at the end of this long tunnel! My daughter is 22 and graduated from uni last year with a double degree and excellent grades. She now seems a different person, lost, unmotivated and disorganised. Maybe she has depression and anxiety but I don’t know as she becomes hostile when I suggest she gets counselling or medical help. I have anxiety myself and it is some days it is hard to know if I am imagining that she has a problem -or just my own anxiety talking. I get very depressed when I see her sitting around in front of the computer or crap tv while we her parents go out every day and work hard to pay the bills. I bring up the topic of getting help regularly with her. Have tried kindness, tough love, and yelling! Any ideas to persuade this young adult to move forward would be most welcome!

[Doolhof]

Hi AnneGR,

Welcome to the community here. It must be frustrating to see how well your daughter did at Uni and to see her now seemingly unmotivated and not able to communicate with you if she has any issues.

Is there someone else in the family she might be more open to communicate with?

Could you have a look on the internet for information on symptoms for stress, anxiety and depression and pass the information to your daughter for her to read it and consider it.

Maybe she is stuck and does not know how to move on. Maybe Uni was structured in a way and now she has finished she does not have a routine or anything to work towards.

Could you invite her on an outing with you and not discuss any of this, just use the time to rebuild a relationship with her. Open up the channels of communication again in a manner she may consider to be non threatening.

Hopefully others will come up with ideas for you as well! Once again welcome!

Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Welcome AnneGR,

You can see how supportive and friendly this community is by the helpful reply of Doolhof.

I can see how proud you are of your daughter and her achievements a double degree and excellent grades means she worked very hard.

I am thinking that if she finished last year it has only been six months and she is trying to work out what she does next.Study is exhausting and a double degree would be at least 5 or 6 years, so that is a long time of hard study. She may just be tired .

Does your daughter have friends she is in contact with and sees regularly?

Has she been applying for jobs or further study?

Maybe there are not a lot of jobs available in your daughters area of expertise.

It is understandable that you are worried about but you have seen suggesting she needs help does not work. Yelling is something most parents do out of frustration but that makes the barriers go up , and communication even harder.

As mums we want the best for our children and we don't want to seem them struggling.

Your daughter may indeed need to see a doctor but it must be her decision. It is a balancing act as you don't want to antagonise her so much she wont tell you things but you also don't want to misread a cry for help. That is just my thought you may feel differently.

Going on the computer can be productive and informative, I am on the computer a bit, going on this forum.

I like Doolhof's idea of going on an outing somewhere and enjoy each other's company with no agenda. Maybe there is a place she likes to go.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

Quirky

[Eliza2]

Thanks for taking the time to respond Quirky. I think it is a great idea to stop talking about the future for a while and just focus on enjoying the present. I am going to try getting her out of the house, get some vitamin d and engage with nature. We are walking the dog this arvo I hope if she doesn’t back out as she sometimes does. No controversial topics will be discussed. Baby steps.

[Eliza2]

Thanks for your welcome Doolhof. You are right it is hard to see your child struggle. It is true I think she misses the structure at uni and there aren’t many jobs in her field. I have said to her that her first job doesn’t need to be her dream job I am not sure she believes this. My first concern is her mental health. You hear so often of parents being blind sided when their kids self harm. Anyways it is great to visit here and unload some worries and get advice. Thanks again. 🙂