How to help a friend with PND

[MummaS33]

I literally don't know if this will even make any sense, but I'll give it a go.

I have a friend who I am extremely worried about; however I am more concerned for her children. There is a significant history of trauma (a late miscarriage, child with cancer and early childhood trauma) which has impacted her life greatly.

Since the birth of her youngest, over 12 months ago, there has been a rapid decline in her mental health. Nightly anxiety attacks, no longer leaving the house, unable to cope with the children or maintain a conversation. I have witnessed one of her anxiety attacks and even as a health professional I found it confronting.

I have spoken to her and acknowledged her traumas and the impact that they could be having. I have supported her and listened for endless hours about her ongoing struggles. I have spoken with her partner and continue to emphasize that he is doing a fantastic job. However she goes to the Dr and paints a picture that nothing is wrong, refuses to take medication and will continuously say the Dr believes she is fine and places the blame on her partner.

Now here is where my concerns lay with the children. The eldest is spoken down to often, struggling with social and emotional connections. The middle child (cancer survivor) is almost school age, still in nappies, terrified of everything and has started making comments about "Mummy screaming at her" or "Mummy getting very angry". She spends 98% of her time in her bedroom on her iPad, does not attend preschool and also struggles with social and emotional connections. The youngest has spent most of her life in a cot, portacot, pram. Very developmentally delayed and often wants to leave with people when they leave the house.

My friend has made comments about being scared of herself. Her partner no longer does anything for himself out of fear of being repercussions and the house has such a negative energy about it.

We have started avoiding gatherings, however something just does not sit right with me and I need to help her in someway. Mainly for the kids.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

That sounds really challenging, and obviously you can't force her to get help. It's good that you've been there for her, and continue to want to do so, despite how difficult it is. Would you be willing to try chatting to her again, and maybe giving her some resources (numbers etc) that she can call on if she decides to do so? Also, if you're genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of the children, then a call to child protective services may be warranted. That would be up to you to deem if that's appropriate. People often think of child protective services in a negative manner, but that's really what they exist for - to ensure the wellbeing of children when their carers aren't coping for whatever reason. They can direct the family to the resources required to get them back on track.

Kind thoughts, Katy