How can I best support my girlfriend

[hopefuled]

Hi Guys,

I would like to start of by saying I've been a long time browser of these forums and have really benefited from sharing other peoples experiences and have soaked up a lot of great advice.

My beautiful girlfriend has been struggling with depression for over 10 years now. She has been my best friend for two years before we starting dating and lately her depression has been getting the best of her. She gets really down all the time, struggles to get out of bed some days and lacks a lot of self confidence I guess. I was aware of her depression before we started dating but never to this extent.

The worst part is she hates her self for being down and is worried that is constantly affecting me for the worse. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't make me sad but I truely try everything to make her happy. I've encouraged her to exercise a lot more without putting too much pressure on her and I'm always doing little things to cheer her up.

I love her more than anything in the world and just want to see her happy and see how beautiful she really is. She wants to have a break from our relationship so she can focus on getting her self better and putting her self first. I was naturally devastated and felt so heartbroken. But the more I think about it I think it might be for the best as she well never get her self better if she is constantly thinking she is negatively affecting me (even though It really doesn't and I just want her to get better )

So, my question is... What is the best things I can do to support her. She actually suggested she wanted to get counselling but hasn't done anything about it yet and I don't want to push her.

We still talk every day and have so much love for each other. I'm really struggling to find a happy medium of how much I should be talking to her, what I should be saying and over analysing every single thing I do. At this point I don't care about us getting back together, if it's meant to be it will happen, I just care so much about her and will do anything I can to help her get better.

Appreciate any advice and look forward to hearing for you.

Thank you so much

E.

[blondguy]

Hello E

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thankyou for your nice feedback too 🙂

I can feel the love you have for your girlfriend. You are a kind and caring guy. I have had depression for many years and am recovering. I understand how you feel as I am 'trying' to help some people with depression on a face to face basis at the moment. This is a tough time that you are going through.

You also mentioned that you were best friends before you started dating. Thats always a great foundation to have. I am very sorry that you have been pushed away by your girlfriend...that would hurt...a lot. Depression will have an effect on her self confidence as you mentioned. I would be devastated and heartbroken as well. Just getting down to business...just a few points we can discuss so we can help you help your girlfriend....

If I may ask you....has your girlfriend been diagnosed with depression from a doctor?

What are the best things you can do for her?

• If you can...make sure she sees a GP first...this is the first and best step that she can have towards healing
• You are right...you cant push her....but you can gently 'try' to let her know you are 'there' for her..
• Your girlfriend is self aware enough to say that she needs to see a counselor....thats a great step..
• Exercise is a great idea but may be best to leave that until after a diagnosis is made..support is crucial now
• Scroll down the page and click on 'Supporting someone' There is great info here that can help you Mr E.

This is only my humble advice as a guy with depression. If you can after reading 'Supporting someone' keep in mind that depression is no different than a physical illness. Even though its difficult to see...your girlfriend is wearing 'invisible crutches' right now. She just needs some very basic help from you right now...just for you to 'be there' for her...I understand its difficult but if you can let her doc take over ...while you take a back seat.

The forums are a supportive place to be especially being the loving partner you are....You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish. The forums are very secure to protect your privacy.

I do hope you can write back and let us know how you are going...We are here for you....

My kind thoughts for you and your wonderful girlfriend

Paul