Help with 17 year old girl suffering depression and anxiety.

[wornoutmum]

I am the mother of a 17 year old who has depression and anxiety. This has been a problem that we have dealt with for a while but has gotten markedly worse in the past few months. bullying, poor selfimage and selfdoubt has left her unable to cope with school. Getting a C is not enough in her eyes that is a fail so therefore will not do anything. Cannot get her to go to school. She even missed out on a trip to California with the school that she paid for losing $4500. this left her suicidal for a while during which we watched diligently. We have taken her away for a few days but are considering CYMS at the Mater in Brisbane. She is currently under the care of Headspace but counselling is only fortnightly and has litlle effect for longer than 1 day. She is on medication from the psychiatrist but this has had the effect of keeping her more level but not not treating the cause or helping with a recovery as such. Has anyone had any help with CYMS at Mater. Have been advised by Headspace to take her to emergency in order to get admission.

[wornoutmum]

Thanks Geoff. We are having a bad day.

[wornoutmum]

Thanks for your reply Akashairl. We are having a really bad day today. Refusing to take meds. I have been working and asking her to take meds but because I haven't actually watched her she hasn't taken them. Some days are trying. I hope your girl is getting the help she needs.

[SD44]

Did your daughter say why she is refusing her meds? I also went through that with my daughter, usually because she said they werent helping and more recently because she was worried she would put weight. Its so hard to tell if they are helping when not taken consistently. I am taking my daughter to a mental health expo in our local area tomorrow so we can track down any other services we may not have discovered. Hope you night goes a little more smoothly. 

[wornoutmum]

Hi Akashagirl, She took the meds, but I made a mistake and gave her the full dose straight up. so down she went. She says the meds make her sadder and doesn't need them. so the mood swings become huge again. They have to be taken at same time every day which is not happening. Don't talk to me about services! We live in the bush and instead of thinking of best outcomes the Cymhs here want to pass the buck. spoke to her case worker at Headspace and they tried it with her too. Looks like I will be going to our local member who also happens to be the Health Minister. Watch this space!

[Determined_mother]

Hi Wornoutmum,

i initially posted my comments on how hard it is to continue the education process when teenagers have depression. Reading your posts reminded me that the more important focus by far is doing all we can to help them deal with the illness and supervise the day to day  happenings. Some days are diamonds and some days are stone.  Early on, it seems like every day is "stone". 

Dont know if this will help, hope I am telling you things you already know but here's what I have learnt so far

1. It is hard work for the parent, whenever your child hurts- you hurt too and you are needed to stay optimistic and strong even when it all looks gloomy. So LOOK AFTER YOURSELF TOO

2. Arm yourself with reputable information the same way you would in dealing with any other illness. Beyond blue, headspace, reachout, black dog institute etc.  I have a folder of printouts to fall back on when it's a gloomy day and I feel uncertain.  Try and take away some of the uncertainty that the teenager is feeling by being able to reassure, find answers to questions, come up with a new plan of attack when things aren't working ( I draw up "a new plan" and file them in my folder so my child  can believe that there's always hope, always something else to try.) APPEAR CONFIDENT

3. When it's a tough day, fall back on routine . For example - Decide on a schedule. Make yourself a Groundhog Day.  Breakfast, Get dressed, Keep busy activity (knitting, colouring- yes even older kids can colour in!, crosswords, Lego, jigsaw puzzles) Lunch - sit out in garden, drive to deli etc, times lot to,talk about how things are today and what next, afternoon activity- do ironing, go for drive, watch a comedy together. Dinner,  The day goes faster with a routine FOLLOWING A ROUTINE CAN BE COMFORTING 

4. Remember that Mum usually does know best- the psychiatrists, GP, psychologists etc know the details of the illness and treatments , but you know your child.  You have the best idea about when to worry, when to seek other opinions, when to push a bit to help motivate and when not to.  These are all hard to distinguish especially in depression when there is no blood test or X-ray measure of  whether the illness is worsening or improving.   Again, no one knows your child better than you do.   DON'T DOUBT YOUR MOTHERING INSTINCT.

Sending best wishes

DM

[wornoutmum]

Hi everyone, Well CYMHS was a waste of my time at this moment. Apparently hospital is for critical care, diagnosis and that is about it. Because she isn't suicidal, there is little they can do to help me.

There is day hospital in Toowoomba (a 2hour drive each way) for every day and one in Brisbane. Hoping to get in in Bris where I have support and accommodation. But may not be able to refer there. This only came about as a solution when I started about involving our local member who happens to be the Health Minister. Honestly! Yet another stumbling block.

How is she? Well 2 steps forward and 2 back at moment. Meds are helping but because can't get to the root of the problem, she is slowly getting more anxious and depressed. Trying hard to get her on right track. So, Watch this space.

How am I? Frustrated, angry and feeling defeated. But tomorrow is another day!