Help..my boyfriend has anxiety

Hays4 · ‎24-04-2017

Hi everyone

this is my first post..I'm 28, female

I have been with my boyfriend for just over 7 months now. He is the most amazing person I have ever met, the love of my life, my best friend. He has anxiety. I am scared and ashamed to admit I am struggling with dealing with it. I know what I'm dealing with is nothing compared to what he is dealing with but I need some sort of support and I thought here would be a good place.

The times I find the hardest and I would like to hear from anyone who experiences the same thing, is times when he shuts off, shuts me off. Times when like right now, he turns over and sleeps with his back to me. No goodnight no kiss no I love you. It's absolutely tearing me up inside. He did it last night too and I mentioned it to him and how much it hurts me but he did it again tonight. Is this abnormal anxious reaction?

Please help.

blondguy · ‎24-04-2017

Hi Hays4

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

I love what you said about your boyfriend and how you feel for him.

Can I ask you if your boyfriend has been diagnosed with anxiety disorder by a GP?

There is no shame to admit that you are struggling with his situation at all.

Anxiety is similar to a physical disorder as its partially chemical and genetically based.

If you can let us know if he has been diagnosed that would be a good start Hays4.

Just FYI....Ive had ongoing anxiety for many years and have the bulk of it healed....It takes time and regular therapy as well as a strong determination to heal

I think you are an amazing person for caring as much as you do!

There are many gentle people that can be here for you

Please post back when convenient for you

my kind thoughts for you both

Paul

CMF · ‎25-04-2017

Hi Hays,

To have anxiety is to be consumed with fear and dread. It can be very hard to deal with someone with anxiety as, they can withdraw, find it difficult to speak as they have palpitations, trouble breathing, thoughts racing. I'm sure your boyfriend does not mean to hurt you but rather is struggling with his internal battle. The physical symptoms can be crippling.

you are doing an amazing job trying to be supportive and understanding. Does he speak to you about his anxiety, how he is feeling. As Paul asked has he seen a GP.? If you are struggling to cope at times there is no harm in you also seeing gp to talk about how you are feeling and how to cope. Researching anxiety and reading other posts here may help you too. He is very lucky to have such a caring and supportive partner in you.

cmf

Hays4 · ‎25-04-2017

Hi All

thank you, yes he has been to the gp and diagnosed. He has tried all sorts of therapy and all kinds of things to help. I've bought him a journal and books galore and even will be doing a 30 day course with him in support.

I just need support for myself. I need to know how to handle it in the best way that helps him and doesn't send me crazy! That sounds horrible I know, I don't mean it in a horrible way but as a human I can only be so strong. I think even just chatting on here with fellow partners of people with anxiety will help me to not feel so helpless or like it's just happening to me and my relationship.

blondguy · ‎26-04-2017

Hi Hays4

Thanks for posting back. The first few months of anxiety are the most difficult.

This would be very hard for you. I find it odd that he turns his back on you and is blocking you out. Ive had anxiety for years and shutting someone down isnt usually a part of the illness as we need that support and closeness to help us recover.

Super frequent counseling is a huge help too with anxiety sufferers.

If you scroll down this page have a sticky at 'Supporting Someone with depression or anxiety' There is great info

Your own well being comes first Hays4, not his. Anxiety is not a free pass to isolate a loved one in a relationship

How is the quality of your boyfriends sleep if I may ask? Anxiety can have a detrimental effect on sleep rendering us a emotional wreck the next day (depending on the severity of his condition of course)

My kind thoughts

Paul