HELP A MUM with a son with suicidal thoughts

[Stressedoutmum]

My son 24 has autistic spectrum. Since he left school he has been turned down by employer after employer. Had only one good friend from school who suicided at age 19. Every time something happens in his life where he loses a friend or gets rejected, I become anxious as he goes on a downward spiral and I have to be on alert 24/7. He had not been able to make any new friends since. This stresses me out no end as I have been suffering from depression for the past 30 years. He can't get a girlfriend as he is too shy, quiet and a "nice guy" overall. Just 2 weeks ago I was over the moon because he met a girl who seemed to be on the same page as him. They got on so well and has just tonight she has broken up with him because "he does not have self confidence". Once again I am unable to eat whilst I have to be on full alert as he is in the other room crying. And I am writing this crying

He has no job, no friends and he says he's useless. I cannot do this anymore, it's taking a toll on me.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Stressedoutmum, welcome to the Beyond Blue forum, it's great to have you join us here. We're so sorry to hear about your son's situation. We understand it can be so painful to watch someone you love suffering and we can imagine your son must be feeling very lonely and hopeless. It can be tough to manage these emotions, so we are glad that you have reached out tonight to our friendly online community. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone in this. 

We would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. It might be worth finding out what they can offer you.

The Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 are also available to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

[Croix]

Dear Stressedoutmum~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here and greatly sympathize wit your circumstances. Reading your words it seems to me you are really reaching the end of your strength and have spent it all on your son, understandable, that's what mums do.

No matter what you assume you are not an inexhaustible well of strenght you can draw on forever, you are human, though probably stronger than most.

This is a sign overhead in passenger aircraft (yes, there are sill some flying) which says:

"Put oxygen mask on self before helping others".

Which when you think about it makes sense. If you reach the stage you pass out you are not going to help anyone.

Why do I say all this? Because you need support, and you need regular times in your life that are for you to relax and enjoy, not be in ceaseless worry.

So first may I ask you if you have medical support? You mentioned depression - are you being treated for it? Even if you are I'd strongly suggest you see your doctor, explain you are living with the fear you son might kill himself, or at least is permanently very unhappy. See where that takes you. Hopefully to counseling, therapy and effective treatment.

Do you have anyone to give you a hand, someone you can talk frankly to about things, and they will care about you? Not being alone does help.

I'd also suggest you have a habit you enjoy of an evening, something you can look forward to each day and will take you out of yourself. It does not have to be special, I use books, what might you like?

With your son, life has given him a lot of very hard knocks, on the spectrum, no luck with employment, and his friend's suicide. That's more than enough to make he lose confidence and feel hopeless. Sadly the young lady did not help, raising his hopes then dashing them.

For him to I'd suggest medical support, though I expect you are already on top of that, however if you are worried he might talk his life tell his medical team. Nobody keeps another alive all by themselves no matter how much they love and try. It realy is a team effort. Sure those that love play their part, but so does the medical people and importantly so does the person themselves, even if only a little bit.

There is more I want to say, you have been shouldering a huge burden, and I'd like to make it lighter -no instant fixes, but over time. Basically your son's confidence needs to be restored to what it once was.

I do hope you come back and we can talk some more.

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Stressedoutmum, thank you for posting your comment, especially at a time when you really struggling.

If you can google this link about a boy with autism 'http://www.taylorcrowe.com/' is very interesting and maybe of some assistance.

We'd like to know what help you are receiving yourself.

This is important so we would love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Support_Crew]

Hi stressed out mum. I just wanted to let you know you re not alone. I am so sorry to hear about your situation . My son is 19 and has been struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts after developing multiple chronic illness. Not autism , but juvenile arthritis, epilepsy, undiagnosed abdominal pain and more recently a rare genetic illness that attacks his red blood cells and led to multi organ failure. His whole future has been taken away from him and currently spends most of every day in bed. He has started smoking and engages in so many unhelpful , unhealthy coping behaviours , it makes my heat break. We can only keep him safe. We take each day as it comes now and while we set limits on his smoking (he is not allowed to smoke near the house, and has to wash hands etc when he comes inside). Each day is a new opportunity for the possibility of some positive experiences. We encourage him to sit in the sun, take a walk, do something he enjoys and to see these as a win. Sometimes we are ok, more often than not we are not. We keep going because we have to. After battling with all this and absolutely exhausted, we have been successful in our NDIS application and we are hanging on to get that started - a positive thread to hang on to . We hope to get some help to engage our son with the activities , the outdoors the social connection he so desperately needs. Maybe this is something that you might be able to get too . I hope we get the help we need and I hope you do too..

[CHNN]

Hi,

Have you considered helping your son get involved with a "Disability" employment service? They are good at helping autistic people get a foot in the door with employers. There is very little you can do to help him at an emotional level, other than being there for him when he wants you to be there. But a sense of purpose might go a long way to helping him.