Hard to Live With

[BBUser6]

My 16 year old daughter suffers from anxiety/depression. She has been on medication for 10 months now which has helped a bit. Lately she has been getting more and more moodier. She can be extremely happy one minute then suddenly is very disrespectful, swears and gets angry when we say no or is told to clean up after herself. She doesnt want to talk when I ask her what is wrong. We stopped seeing the pyschologist as she saw it as a dobbing session and it would make her even angrier. My 12 year old son is starting to stand up for himself when he is getting teased by her but when he gives it back she cant handle it. She lies about what he said to her and twists it into something that will get him into trouble. We cant just let her do and say what she likes so if she has done the wrong thing we give consequences and if she doesnt like it she threatens to kill herself.  We then have to spend hours calming her down. How do we know how much is the anxiety/depression and how much is just spoilt brat? 

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[white knight]

Hi 🙂  welcome here to Beyond Blue forums

That last question....could be turned and said by any one of us "how much is your personality and how much is mental illness. Fact is we dont know. Being ostracised by a peer group- mental illness or personality?  Would it occur if we werent ill.?

So until you know, and likely you never will, you have to "walk on egg shells" for some time I'm afraid. So, I'll give you my view and hope I dont upset you too much.

That comment from your daughter that "it feels like a dobbing session" is a real one. Us parents are so entrenched in trying to help our children that we seem to be like this to them. They feel trapped, two against one etc. Revealing details that they dont want aired. This is classic teenager no go zone IMO. I'm 58yo and I can recall this same horrible feeling at parent teacher interviews.

Can you suggest to her psych that you wait outside and enter in the last 10 minutes to discuss strategies and how you can help? Obviously without the same feeling as previous.? Better still can you call the psych the day before and update him on details of her home life, her moods and relationships eg her brother.? Then let her into the visit herself. You could beat up this a little and tell her that she is close to being an adult and you think its best she go alone?

You are not in a comfortable stage of your life with her behaviour. She is very immature. An in between age group that she herself would loath. Does she do sport? Exercise is really good for mental illness sufferers. Get her exhausted and see the change. I'll leave that for you to work on lol.

Take care. Glad you posted here.