Grieving Permanently Disabled Loved Ones

[Cornstarch]

Mental illness occurs on a spectrum and so do the severity of symptoms from person to person.

But it's really hard caring for someone that has a condition when there is zero chance of improvement like with schizophrenia.

When I was little at times it felt like living with a half animated corpse she was so unwell.

It really is like grieving a death.

To boot she is reduced to an economic unit of analysis, and conservative governments tell families that "love is enough" so we take the reins and they are absolved of all financial responsibility.

But love isn't enough. I love my Mum to the moon and back and everyone keeps telling us that our love is enough.

It's not.

To re-charge their batteries people often go home, where as I have to stay away.

I have to turn my phone off and pretend she doesn't exist, even if it's just for 48hrs otherwise I will lose my mind.

Heavy hearts of sadness are really debilitating sometimes.

Does anyone else care for a permanently disabled love one and has "despairing days".

[Just Sara]

Oh Corn I'm so sorry I missed this post...so, so sorry.

This issue has come up many times during our chat's. The post above describes a very desperate situation and I'm glad I found it! I'm here darl..I'm here.

Please respond ok? There's avenue's to take and authorities to help, I can help. I'm a govt dept freak of nature. Use me! Ask me anything. I haven't cared for someone like your mum, but I've worked with people like her. There's help out there.

I'm worried now, I haven't heard from you in over a week. Is everything ok?

Love..Dizzy xoxo Mega Hugs Honey

[geoff]

dear Corn, I'm sorry but sometimes posts do get through the cracks and aren't answered to, but I do hope that Dizzy can be of some help to you as it appears as though she might be able to.
You know sometimes 'love is not enough' because everytime you show your love to this seriously disabled person, they don't know what love is, so they tend to push you aside, no matter how much you try and convince them, but perhaps love can be shown by even giving them an ice-cream, something that they can relate to.
As kids we used to play with a male our age, who was a spastic, but very strong and laughed all the time, that was love to him and especially when we gave him an ice-cream that was also love, not by giving him a cuddle.
He always wanted to come out and play with us but his mother ? always said no to him and to him that was not love. Geoff. x

[Just Sara]

I'm here again Corn;

Just keeping an eye out for you. I care very much about your pain and relationship with your mum, as well as the govt bastards who interpret love as being totally accountable for these tortured souls. The need for respite and support for carers can be so underestimated and undervalued; but there ARE those who care and can help.

There've been 2 times in my life where loving someone wasn't enough when looking into their traumatised eyes. My helplessness caused such internal pain and suffering I wanted to run away and die. Both times was with my son when he was little. Assistance back then was near nothing; I was told I had to counsel him myself, but they didn't acknowledge how bloody awful that was on me.

I don't know the exact situation with your mum, but I hear your pain and desperation. I hope you have support and a place to find solace and respite. (tears..)

Love..I know...it isn't enough; and...it's too much. I wish I didn't love some of the people I do. I get it..

Please come back to us soon Corn..miss you terribly.

Love...Dizzy xoxo (More hugs)

[Cornstarch]

Hey Dizzy and Greg,

Thank you for your time replying and your kindness. I was out in the fields sowing organic heirloom corn in the sun by the sea.

Dizzy Girl, you must have missed my thread "I'm Not A Nutcase I'm a Hipster". But I can't pass on by through the forums and see that someone is 'worried' about me and just ignore it. I'm a Traumatised Trinny, the thought of others in pain puts me back in my own little House of Horrors, triggering all sorts of fun stuff. Put that energy into yourself, unfortunately I'm the only person that can take care of me, and know what's really going on.

Actually I was not out in the sun, I had my most horrific PTSD flashback to date last week. I'd hardly slept in 10 days so I called my family and said I'm not taking any risks with this please take me to hospital. I was taken to the most 'colourful' hospital in NSW on a Saturday night. Yep. Someone in the throws of traumatic stress there. Just because you feel like you're on LSD doesn't mean you should hang a whole room of people that are! It was horrific. But I am very impressed with the psychiatrist I am now working with. He actually listens.

I have so much material for Walden Pond now.

My health is the most important thing. I have fallen in a heap me-thinks after 6 years of hell.

I've done my best with Mum.

That's all I can say.

I've done my best.

I love her to bits. And the bizarre thing is that her/our experiences with schizophrenia have helped me with my PTSD in the sense that I would have absolutely lost the plot if I didn't have the knowledge I had. Even though it feels like I'm on LSD I know I'm lucid.

I asked the hospital staff to throw me under the fMRI machine immediately and telecast it live on Youtube and they said no.

Selfish.

Selfish.

Gotta put my health first guys, or I will turn into Wheat-germ. Ew! I know in my heart it's going to be a slow road because I'm juggling so much complexity.

Best of luck.

Corn Fritters

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Just Sara]

My dear Corn xoxoxox (Mega virtual hugs and kisses)

I wish I could hit the 'helpful' button 10 times! The relief I feel has bought me to tears; I felt as though I'd lost a friend. I know we shouldn't get attached to those on here, but reading your words above had me reeling. Especially since you hadn't made an appearance in 10 days since you posted it.

Your posts don't usually express a lot of pain, so reading I knew immediately you were in a place of hurt. I may have misinterpreted this, but being the helper bee I am, I couldn't leave it (you) alone.

Your hospital stay sounds full-on. I get how the dynamics would be scary with all and sundry walking around; not exactly the solace and care you obviously needed. So I hope the experience can in some way address your needs and get you back on the road with further insight and resources to work with. Good to hear the psych was helpful.

Hmm...live YouTube MRI? How selfish to say "No"! lol You're a pip!

Sometimes falling in a heap needs has to happen. We're not super human! So after 6 yrs of hell as you say, it probably was time. And you're right..you're number 1.

The Buddhist thing is fine for immersing yourself in escape mode. I just take what's relevant to me. I spent 3 days on a retreat at the height of my breakdown. During meditation and talks from the Monk, I had some good insight, but spent most of my time in and out of sleepless delusions and fear. I should've admitted myself to the nearest psychiatric facility then and there. But that's history now.

I've seen you've responded to other posts, so I'll have a look-see and respond. I'm so glad you're back Corny, Corn-dog, Corn Fritters, Cornucopia, Cornstarch..

My best hugs eva'...Dizzy xoxo

[Cornstarch]

It's tough Dizzy Spells,

Schizophrenia is kind of like a death in a way. That person by the age of 25-ish if it's a chick; is gone. What Mum, her family, and us have gone through is similar to what other family's go through but 40,50,60 years earlier with dementia or Alzheimer's Disease.

My Mum was pretty, popular, out-going, smart, curious, sensitive and had lots of boys chasing her. It's so sad. And then years of middle class domestic abuse behind closed doors up in the hills, and the final act of violence against her/us in 2010. What a ride. Pulls at the ol' heart strings it does, and none of my needs are met. Complex. Complex. But it's not Mum's fault, it's just lousy luck.

As for my fMRI machine, people with early childhood sexual assault and subsequent PTSD need an fMRI helmet. That will be my next garage innovation, because unfortunately flashbacks can happen in milliseconds, and often do. If you throw me in one with warning I will just dissociate on cue. Don't tell shrinks that you can dissociate on cue if you have psychotic illnesses in your family they will just try and put you on antipsychotics. Keep some secrets to yourself. Do experiments in your own laundry lab. Win the Nobel Prize, ye ha!

It's hard to see yourself when you have so much responsibility for such a long time. I didn't realise how much my physical health has taken a hit in the last 5 years especially, so I suppose my PTSD was never going to improve was it, with so much melodrama. I was always going to implode.

The latest doctor has told me I am a 'very curious' case. So I said please please please can I be a case study in a medical journal of my choice? Pleaaaaaassse, my moment of fame awaits me. 23,0000 cites come Christmas. You're own fame doctor, will be sealed. Then with my family background, one always must follow such wise cracks with, 'I'm not Bipolar OK. This is not a display of grandiose/mania as yet, maybe that's my future, who knows'. They're so judgey aren't they. God.

I know that we're on a mental health forum so there's lots of talk about Brains, Brains and Brains. But unfortunately for PTSD cardio is the really distressing thing that drives you mental and there ain't no pills for that. Adrenalin/ Cardio, heart racing, sweats, you literally feel like you are crazy and why you can't sleep.

Me heart chakra needs fixing. Corny has a broken heart.

Cornucopia.....didn't think of that. That's a good one!

xxxxx

[Just Sara]

Hey Corn Cobber; (Cobber: Aussie old timer slang for mate)

Great post woman! There is a sensitive side to you; most times you tend to deflect with humour or intellect, but your pain was expressed well...proud of you am I. Very nice to read young'n.

Must admit I enjoyed a few lol moments too. You're a pip! Ok...what's an f MRI helmet? I know what an MRI is, thought this was what you were talking about. Please explain...

I can't imagine your life with mum and family. How you formed your words gave me insight into your Mum's plight and the internal struggle you deal with as a result. I too deal with PTSD as you know, but I have some space between my past and those who trigger. In your case, she's just there..only a moment away in any direction. I hear you Corny..mega hugs :-+

So very glad you've returned to us...we're better off because of it. I'd cite you in my research paper if I had one.

Warmth and kindness..Dizzy xoxo

[Cornstarch]

Thanks Dizzy I just got home from my shrink. I'm having a few complications because I have a little heart abnormality, so more and more and more and more therapy for me it is.

It was so annoying he made me like myself.

I just wanted to run back into the arms of Judith Herman and the bosom of my eternal badness.

He calls himself a trained professional.

I have another invention in the pipes. It is called the Amygdala Hug. It is an amazing head piece as well.

It is too early to be revealed, but in time, you will be amazed.

What journal would you cite me?

My fusiform Miley Cyrus has detected that everyone that posts on this forum is deadly attractive. Like deadly.

Corn Fritz