Feeling Trapped

[ZsMumma]

I'm not sure where to start...

More and more lately I have been feeling trapped in my relationship with my partner. We have been together for 3.5 years and have a 2 y/o (def not planned!). When our son was concieved our relationship was on and off but once I found out I was pregnant we moved in together and things were good, we got engaged when our DS was 5 months old, and bought a house. We were happy. Fast forward to Mar/Apr this year and he had some health problems that could have been quite significant and I started to feel as though I wished he would just die because it would make my life easier. I started speaking to a psychologist regarding these feelings and both he and I were working through it somewhat and life was on the right track again. 
But over the past month or so I am over his crap. He doesn't help me around the house or the yard - I'm constantly asking for help with our DS. I find that I resent him for playing his computer all the time - It's like this machine is more important to him than us. Increasingly he is preferring to stay on the computer instead of engaging in family routines/times. I resent him because I no longer participate in any of my interests because his disdain for them makes me feel guilty about leaving our DS.
I want to leave him but I feel so trapped. He has had depression/anxiety issues for many years and has said that if I took our son away he would probably kill himself. If we were to separate and sell the house we would both lose money as we haven't had it for very long and he has made it very clear that his cousin is a solicitor and he won't be 'screwed over'
I can't leave our son with him for extended periods (2+ days) because I am afraid that he will not watch him and something will happen to the toddler.
As he doesn't have the worlds best health I just wish he would die because that would solve my problems and I could do what I want. I hate thinking like this but I don't know what else to do.

[white knight]

Hi ZsMumma, welcome to beyond Blue forums.

I'm a bit undecided here so bare with me. That last sentence put a shivver up my spine. Yes. your thinking is out of line with reality in my view. It really reads like you want him to die so you can do what you want. That comment is quite selfish and I cant relate to it.

However, you are seeing a psychologist and getting help.But you want to leave him and you dont trust his care for your son. If you split, he will at least be entitled to two straight days a fortnight, extended visitations during school holidays etc. So you will have no choice in the matter. He is the toddlers dad and he has rights.

So lets, for the sake of a different tack, imagine things were reversed. Say he didnt trust you due to your mental illness. What if he wanted to leave you and take your son from you i.e. he had sole custody....how would you feel if you could only see your son for 2 days a fortnight.?

You talk like the relationship is over. But if there is any hope, then you could work out a time frame for his computer hobby and ask him to agree that he participate doing certain chores.

I urge you though, it isnt right to wish another person to die. It isnt right to deny a father his child unless you can prove he is unfit for the child to be in his care. It is right to reach out and understand your partner and why he doesnt do certain things like stay on the computer all day. It is an addiction and he likely feels there is nothing else to do. He is also unwell. He needs you. He needs his son in his life and while it isnt right at all for him to threaten suicide he likely feels that he has nothing left if you leave. A relationship counsellor would be a good move for both of you.

Take care.