Does depressed partner still want me?

[Trytobesupportive]

I had been seeing my guy for about  six months (granted not often, it wasn't long until I realise he was depressed and he didn't want me to ever see him down, mostly I'd just see him on Saturday night when he was drunk as I'm a bartender so I'd take him home). I did feel his depression was bad, he wouldn't sleep with me and he was too insecure and worried he couldn't please me, and was also very jealous, often questioning if there was anyone else, and needed constant reassurance, I often messaged first as if I didn't he'd ask if I'd lost interest. But the times we did spend together I felt incredibly happy. 

Suddenly he started messaging me less, and when I didn't message him didn't ask if I was bored with him as he usually did. He also stopped seeing me for 5 weeks,  always saying he was busy. ( at this time his best friend who he spent all his time with had just moved, and I think this made his depression worse, he completely clung on to another friend out of the blue and didn't talk to his parents for over 2 weeks but wouldn't say why). Eventually he told me he needed to be alone and wasn't coping, and asked that I not message him anymore, saying he'd let me know when he was ready to talk. I asked if he still had feeling for me and he got annoyed, 'dot start this sh*t, just let me be ok'. 2 weeks later he wrote on Facebook: I've deleted your number, but you're still one of my favourite people. You make me smile and laugh and keep me going. I wish you were around more. Take care. Xo'

I messaged him but he said the message wasn't about me although I'm pretty sure it was. I messaged him two weeks later and he was really good, seemed very happy to hear from me and we talked for hours. The next week we spoke again, and on the weekend he called me and asked for a lift so I stayed the night for the first time in almost 3 months. It was fantastic, although he refused to talk about his feelings for me or his depression. The next day I got very drunk and asked him if he liked me and he reused to answer, kept telling me to leave it and eventually got angry. But the next day I messaged him and he was fine. A week later we spoke and it was really good, he was much more affectionate. 

However yesterday I asked If he'd be coming into my pub, and he said all in one message: yes but that I shouldn't get offended if he doesn't talk to me much because he'll be with some friends and he'd be getting a lift and staying at a friends so he wouldn't need a lift. I was really taken aback but tried not to be upset. I asked if he might want to catch up soon and he said 'please don't start this again', I said I didn't want to pressure him as I know he's depressed, but after seeing him the other weekend I thought he might be ready to start spending time together. I asked he just answer yes or no if he still cares for me, and if no I'd leave him alone and if yes I'd stop asking about his feelings and wait for him to want to see me. He said 'I just want to be me atm'. I said I knew he wasn't ready for a relationship, but If he said yes I would wait. He didn't reply. I wrote back that if he didn't like me he'd just say so, because I've always asked that he does that and then I wouldn't be annoying him by asking, and that I'd give him his space. He replied an hour and a half later with 'can I wear a hat at the pub?' 😕 he knows the dress code, an hour later asked me about shirts, he's been coming to my pub for years he knows the dress code.

When he came in it was awkward, but then he started flirting a Little bit with me and my god was I happy, just being around him made me happier that I've been in soo long. However I heard some girls he was with in the bathroom saying one of the guys wanted her to hook up with my guy. She said it's never going to happen, and it sounded like she wanted to but didn't think he did. However then she started touching him such as hands on his legs, he don't seem to touch her back but didn't look unhappy. The four of them left together and he didn't say or text me goodbye.

i truly feel he really liked me, he's been single for three years and im the first girl he's ever let stay at his parents house, he was really keen for me to get along with his parents, and was very open with me about his past. Also why he put on Facebook was sweet. But have his feelings gone now? Even if nothing happened with that girl I'm upset he didn't say goodbye. Is the fact that he won't answer me about his feelings a good sign, surely he'd jut say so if he didn't like me? Can he not answer because the depression is making him confused and he doesn't know how he feels?

i like him soo soo much, if he likes me but is depressed I don't want to give up, but if he's over me I need to move on. What should I do? Not contact him for a whole month and see what he says? I just feel like I can't talk to him or I'll ask about the girl and if he likes me again, I wouldn't be able to help myself. But even if I wait a month ill still ask, and that's a whole month of not knowing, although he probably won't answer me anyway.

i guess I'm worried that even when he does stop being depressed he will still be insecure and might feel I abandoned him, but that if I keep trying to talk to him he'll just feel pressured and I won't get any answers. :'( I really only want to give up if he doesn't like me anymore, but this one two weeks ago I woke up in his arms.

[vip]

Hello trytobesupportive i will try and keep this short here. I have suffered with depression for 22 yrs so will give you my perspective being a female. I would just ring him or write him a letter telling him you know how hard it is for him to deal with his depression and ask him straight out if he would like you to give him space to get better and sought himself out or does he want you in his life to help him get through it . Tell him to make the 1st move here and then get your answer really simple actually dont get caught up with him hanging out with other girls ect it seems to me he is doesnt know what he wants and dont want you to get hurt here because you sound terrific that your there for him in his troubled times . take care and let us know what you decide to do. Hopefully you get some more advice from some more posts.

[iJUSTwantTObe]

Im not really sure what to write or if i should write at all, i noticed no one else has replied to you so i thought i may aswell. I fully understand depression and anxiety ect as i have suffered from it for about 16 years, i know it can make you distant from the world ect but that does not excuse him for being an ass. The whole anger thing and only really wanting you around when its convenient for him isnt fair. Regardless of what hes going through you still have feelings and deserve respect. Just be cautious, you deserve happiness too.

[geoff]

dear Trytobesupportive, I will be honest with you, but it's only my opinion, so please I hope that I don't upset you.

Depression does many awful things to us, we become confused and uncertain of what we want to do, so we can't make a decision that we genuinely believe is the right one.

In your situation it seems as though he is using you as a security blanket, and by saying this I mean that he will only contact you when he feels as though he can rely on you as a back up, and that's why he doesn't respond back to you, because he doesn't need you at that time.

This is not fair for you being used whenever he feels like it, but he has depression, and even if you decide not to contact him, he will do this when he needs this security blanket, that is a voice he can rely on.

It seems as though he is going out with other company, either male or female or both, and as soon as something goes amiss he contacts you.

You should not be used as a boxing bag, I know that you love him, but I gather that it's not mutual and whether his depression is hiding his love towards you, personally I don't believe this to be so.

You have to try and get an answer from him, and if he starts on saying 'please don't start this again', then a long term relationship will struggle, as there will be many decisions that will have to be made like children, housing, budgets etc.

So personally I would move on, as he is already seeing other people, I'm sorry to say this, and you are entitled to rip into me if you like. L Geoff. x