Do I run screaming or do I stay and find out?

[Missamoo]

Two months ago I met a fabulous man who was a fantastic surprise. Amazing and fun until one night he wanted to make it clear he didn't want a relationship. Which at the time was fine, we had known each other 2 weeks and I still wasn't sure of him. However we began to spend a lot of time together up at his new farm which we were outfitting and cleaning together. Two weeks ago we had a large fight over nothing and didn't speak for a few days we appeared to iron everything out and while he was away in Sydney this weekend I got many texts and phone calls telling me he missed me. We have a similar ethnic background so when he began telling me his woes about the weekend I completely understood. Last night we another tiff although this time I didn't argue pointlessly I simply stated that when he thought I was upset I was just being a smarty pants. However once more he has called it off but he did open up and tell me he suffered from depression. My baby sister has been battling this for some time and so she was very helpful in the aftermath. I suffer from mild anxiety and some depression I say mild because I can eventually pull my self out although sometimes I will see a therapist.

My question is he and I have just admitted to each other we are more in it than we thought and we adore each other  he also quite rightly said he needs to take care of himself  my concern is he talks about disowning everyone including me and moving to his farm with just the animals. Also his entire family are out of the state for Christmas and seem completely unsupportive and perhaps blind to his issues. I love him and I want to help  or should I just cut bait and run?

[Magyarok]

Hello Missamoo,

Welcome to BB and thank you for your post.

In regards to your question to stay or run?  Only you can truly answer this question!  How do you feel?  What is your heart telling you?

To argue is not necessarily a bad thing.  All couples argue!  Arguing helps to bring inner most thoughts and feelings to the surface out into the open which gives an opportunity to futher discuss and to process these inner thoughts and feelings and for a relationship to evolve and progress.  But i guess it depends on the tone and the context of the arguement.

Your boyfriend has exposed his vulnerability by admitting his depression to you in these arguements.  This was a big thing for him and it has provided the opportunity to discuss these feelings and for the relationship to potentially evolve and progress.

You can empathise / relate to this because of what you and your baby sister has gone through.  I'm sure that when he talks about disowning you and others and moving to the farm to be with his animals - this is his depression talking!  He doesn't mean it!

To be in a relationship with someone suffering a mental health affliction is a battle there will be many highs and very low lows.  You've admitted to each other that you adore each other and that is great!  It is depression that provides fear and uncertainty but this can be negotiated with good support, empathy, communication, understanding and most importantly love!

To run or stay?  Only you can answer this question!

I wish you both the very best for Christmas and the New Year.

Take good care

Dave