Depressed boyfriend left me

[Green_wavves]

My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me yesterday. In the early stages of our relationship, i admitted to him that i had previously struggled with depression (my mum has cancer) to which he told me he had had recurring severe depression and insomnia in the past. For the the first 4 months of our relationship, he was very attentive, happy to see me and also loving and supportive. After having been in remission for a long time, my mum's health worsened and she had to be put back on chemo. I was pretty upset about this and often vented to him. Around this time i noticed he became very withdrawn and made less effort to see me. I thought this was him feeling i was a burden and not liking me anymore. I asked him around then if he wanted to break up with me and he said that he really didn't want that, yet he made no changes in his behaviour. I know last year when he was struggling he was on antidepressant medication which helped, though he admitted to me that recently he began using the medication again sporadically when he felt particularly down (in conjunction with heavy drinking). A few days before we broke up, he finally admitted that he was suffering depression and insomnia again, and that our relationship was wearing him down. Thinking it was my fault, i asked him what i could change to be more supportive and he said that we should give things another go because he didn't want to lose me because of his mental health. I gave it a few days and invited him to my house. He seemed great before wanting to go to bed early and not talking to me for an hour while he was on his facebook. We woke up late the next morning and he didn't want to cuddle me or any or the usual stuff, then told me he hadn't slept well. He was quiet all morning and then said that we needed to break up because he couldn't handle it anymore and he needed to be alone to get better. He was crying and saying he didn't want to do it but it's the only way he knows how to get better from experience. I asked him whether he would see a GP and try medication for his condition(which he says isn't caused by anything in particular/just his introverted personality) and he said he would, but he didn't think he could be with me for a long time and said i shouldn't wait around. He said i was the best thing to happen to him and he hated himself for doing this to us. I'm worried he won't seek help and will become suicidal, he thinks medication might make him feel numb. He keeps binge drinking. Please help.

[JessF]

Hello Green, I can hear how worried you are about your former boyfriend, and he does sound like he is struggling at the moment, but I don't see any evidence from your post that he is suicidal.

Six months is a time when most relationships come to a crossroads, and it is often a time when they end. Your boyfriend is telling you that he needs to be alone in order to get better. Sometimes hearing that can be hard to accept, and it can be a mistake to assume that just because someone is depressed that they are incapable of making decisions about their relationships. After all, he had the same history of depression when he decided to enter the relationship.

It sounds like you have enough on your plate in being there for your mum without having to second guess this relationship as well. He is telling you that he doesn't want to be with you, and that he will be seeking help for this depressive episode... often we hear stories here from people who are refusing to seek help when they need it, this is the opposite. I would suggest you take him at face value and concentrate on getting some support for yourself in this difficult time.