Daughters Despair

[Green_Glade]

Hi - I'm new to the whole online thing so please accept my apologies if this is not the correct place and thank you for allowing me to share.

I have a daughter who is going through a rough time at the moment. She is 15. She has a good (or what seems to me to be good) friendship group at school - majority of them are boys with the only two females being her and her friend. Recently one of the boys has said he would like a relationship with my daughter who has politely told him no but has found it very awkward with him being "one of her friends". This young man has consistently pushed my daughter to try and get her "to go out" with him but only by private messaging her - never says anything to her at school.

Our concern is that he is now saying he is struggling and wants to die and has been thinking of doing so for a while - but by her entering a relationship with him it would make him happy. My daughter is beside herself as she is so scared that he will harm himself if she is too firm with him about no relationship. I suggested that for now we take off his personal Instagram messages to her so that she isn't receiving these unwanted advances. It is really affecting her now - she's not sleeping, I noticed her eating less than normal and I am now also taking her to school and she's not getting the bus in order to avoid him.

It is just so so terribly distressing seeing her like this and we just don't know what to do as neither of us have the tools to deal with this. We don't want to be really abrupt with him and push him over the edge but he's not taking no for an answer either. We sat together and drew up a message to send to him when he mentioned about wanting to die, telling him that if he really feels that way he needs to speak to a trained professional if he can't talk to his parents (who I don't know).

Has anyone else had similar experiences and how did you deal with it? I am trying at the moment to get her into speak to a youth counsellor as she has asked to speak to someone.

Thank you from a very stressed mother

[Sophie_M]

Hi Green Glade, 

Thanks for reaching out to our supportive online community. 

We are sorry to learn of your daughters situation - nobody should ever be put in a scenario such as this and it is terrible to learn that this is what is happening. 

This is a very sensitive situation that you find yourself in and we can only imagine how stressful it is for you. 

If you feel that you or anyone you know is in immediate harm, we would urge you to contact emergency services. 

Our friends at Reach Out have a great resource about Emotional Abuse which may be helpful for you and your daughter to read together: https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-is-emotional-abuse. 

We'd also recommend reaching out to 1800 RESPECT for further assistance. 

Please write back and let us know how you're getting on. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Green Glade

My daughter found herself in a similiar situation when she was a teen. Like you, I was very concerned for my girl and uncertain as to how to protect her and ensure the boy was looked after as well.

I didn't know the boy's parents, so I called the school. The year level coordinator contacted the boys parents and brought in the school psychologist to help.

The issue got resolved with everyone kept safe.

Kind thoughts to you and your daughter

[paddyanne]

Hi Green Glade. This boy who is threatening self harm to stop your daughter from continuing a friendship is using emotional blackmail as a way of stopping your daughter reporting him. I would be inclined to get in touch directly with his parents. They need to be aware of his threats as he obviously needs help. Also see if you can talk to the head of the school or a councilor. Your daughter at 15 is too young to deal with this. Headspace and Kids Helpline are experts at guiding youngsters. The fact she has confided in you means you and her have a solid relationship. Don't try to take this on your own. He may have other underlying issues that he is hiding, but threatening self harm is serious and needs to be reported.