Coping with a friend's depression impacting me

[Bodey294]

Hello bb community forum,
It's been a while since I have posted. But here is goes... About 9 months ago I was diagnosed with major depression. I have been managing well with it.... Getting the right amount of sleep, going for walks and mindfulness and I'm cooking healthy dishes for myself more often too. But during those months I had made a friend who is suffering from major depression as well. We talk daily and I try to give him/her advise in how to remain above the water... My fiend's depression is pretty severe and all I want to do is help but at the same it's taking its toll on me. I am staying up later and I feel like I'm spending more time talking with him/her than I am with myself. The good thing is that I think they have finally accepted that they need proper help and is willing to listen to the people who care for him/her. I guess I'm writing this paragraph too in order to be heard and get a sense of common understanding because our relationship is pretty exclusive where it's just me and him/her talking. I guess it's important to take care of myself too but it's difficult when you care so much about a person.

[geoff]

hi Bodey, you have done a great job in trying to overcome your own depression, because it's certainly not simple to do this by yourself, so well done, but now you have hit a snag which is unfortunate for you and the person you are trying to help.
You have to remember that how you have done this yourself may not be suitable for your friend, because they may not accept what was good for you will be good for them, but that doesn't mean you're not trying your best.
The same applies to people who see a psychologist, they may not get along with what the psych has to offer them and what they are told may not suit.
The best job you have now done is to make them realise that professional help is needed, because that's half the battle.
It can be difficult to try and persuade someone with depression that your suggestion may work for them, but they will need time to think it over by themselves, but if they able to do this then that's a good start.
As you may remember yourself depression can not be overcome straight away no matter much you talk about it, because everyone is different, but just make sure that he/she is in safe situation and won't come to any harm.
You can sit there with them, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, because this is very supportive for them, let them cry when they want to and give them a cuddle when they need it.
The one thing is that when you are really getting upset just take a step backwards and think about your own health. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Bodey294,

Thanks for posting and please know that you are definitely heard here.

I have been in a similar experience; I struggle with depression and my friend has Bipolar, and often I've felt like I couldn't take care of myself or keep myself afloat as my priority was on making sure my friend was okay.

It sounds like you are taking pretty good care of yourself and I'm glad that you are implementing lots of strategies like sleep, walks, mindfulness and eating healthy. Knowing yourself and what things look like in your recovery can be key in recognising when things aren't okay.

Creating some boundaries between you and your friend can be helpful. For me, this looks like saying "I've got to get some sleep now, but I'll chat tomorrow". This way you are able to make time for you but you're also still being a good friend. It may even help to re-direct the conversation to lighter things - you don't have to give them advice and sometimes just being there can be helpful. If your meeting up with your friend maybe try to incorporate something fun and distracting like going to the movies, gaming, bowling or mini-golf. If you and your friend are both active this can also be a great way to stay connected without feeling drained.

Encouraging your friend to get some extra support is also key - as your their friend but not their counsellor. It might help to show them resources - like the forums, helplines, or finding a good psychologist that can help.

Hope this helps