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Can someone who suffers from depression be a carer?

Guest_9466
Community Member

Hi, 

I am not new to depression but this is the first time, I am caring for someone who shows symptoms of depression and anxiety. Not sure if I am cut out to be a carer. I thought I was doing ok until I had an accident yesterday. Wasn't concentrating and paying attention and as a consequence, collided with another car. Minor damages to both cars but still, instead of being thankful, I am now worrying about paying the excess and going over and over again the what if scenario.

so, my question is whether I am cut out to be a carer? How can someone who needs support, support another person who suffered from depression? Am I likely to do more harm than good? And, so it goes on and on.

 

7 Replies 7

Pixie15
Community Member

Hi MorningGlory,

I don't really believe there is a clear line between who is a carer or not. I am not sure it is helpful to label ourselves. We all have the ability to care for others and the need to receive care at different times.  

Might be useful to ask yourself if the accident could have happened anyway. 

Grateful

 

Hi Grateful

I suppose the accident is par for the course. However, labelling myself as a carer or not, hubby needs support and right now, I am dubious whether I can give him the support he needs or know what best to do for him in terms of advice.

Outwardly, I appeared confident and ok but inwardly, I can just about manage to function ok.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear MG, I can see that you have replied and/or posted 11 times before, however what you are asking is an important question, not only for you but others as well.

Carer's are no different than anybody else, we all have a life to lead, and we certainly aren't immune from having our own problems, we can't avoid this from happening, because it will, so all the other carer's will face their own concerns that they too have to deal with.

When anything goes wrong the 'what if' will always happen, but it's now happened and we can't turn back the clock, and I'm not saying this to upset you, but what you will need to do is either get two quotes which the insurance company will need, or you can then decide whether you want to pay for the repairs yourself or let the insurance people handle it.

I have slightly digressed a bit here, but to answer your question, this will depend so much on how you are able to handle this accident and hopefully you won't fall into depression yourself.

If however you do become really depressed like wanting to sleep all the time, not wanting to get out of bed or are unable to handle this person's daily affairs or are unable to make appointments for them as well as picking up their medication, do the shopping or transport them to and fro from the doctors/psych, then you may have to forgo your job as carer, but at the moment there is no reason why you still can't be their carer. Geoff.

Darby_C
Community Member
Hi Morning Glory, In answer to your question, yes I believe it is possible.  For us (within my own marriage) 2 things have been really important to making it work.  1) Getting support for yourself is important.  Rally these supports in a form that is most helpful for you.  If talking to trusted friends works for you - do that.  If finding a counsellor or professional that you can talk through the issues with helps – do that.  For myself, I found the objective perspective that a counsellor offered (who was completed removed from the situation) really helped.  Maybe being involved in an online community forum like this will help as well.  2) Maintain an interest or take up a new interest or hobby that is completely separate to the relationship with your husband, and the challenges that surround you.  Finding something that you enjoy, and helps you to remain feeling ‘you’ is really important.  And it doesn’t have to be something  that is overstated and grand, just simply something that you enjoy.  Over the years, my interests have changed over time. For a while I took up walking.  It helped make me feel better emotionally and it cost absolutely nothing.  A creative outlet which diverts the mind away from thinking about family problems, relationship problems, and the challenges of depression is a big help. In recent months, I started a cooking blog and I've found this helps as well.  

All the very best, it's definitely not easy!

Darby

Paul_M
Community Member

Interesting question. My wife has somewhat severe anxiety and depression and I would by lying if I said I didn't have any depressive traits. I attend a support group for carers on a weekly basis and have done so for about 9 months. It became obvious very quickly that many of the carers were either depressed and/or enabling the depression of their partners/children. After a fair period of denial I relalised I was no different  When I got to understanding this I started seeing my own psychologist.

 I'm still a carer, albeit with my own issues to work through. I think I can do it - although I realize I need to put my issues first. Like the airline safety warning - please ensure you fit your own oxygen mask before helping others.

Hi Darby

Thank you for sharing your experience. Please excuse me for the delay in acknowledging your respond, just that something else crop up. You have given me some handy tips and I shall certainly take onboard what you had shared such as taking on a hobby or doing something interesting so that I don't become completely submerged in my hubby's illness.

 

 

Hi Paul,

A big thank you for sharing your experience as a carer. I love the simplicity of your anecdote about airline safety warning. Something that I can quickly visualise when I find myself overwhelmed with the issue at hand. 🙂