bullying

[jacob_]

hello, the past year for me have been incredible rough. i just turned 14 and have been going through bullying. this one kid in particular is giving me an incredibly rough time and i recently opened up to my parents. they went to this boys mother and have “sorted” this all out. i feel like i cannot escape this one kid as he is “friends “ with most of my mates. everyone of my mates are scared of him therefore suck up to him to not be the next ones bullied. i now am starting up school again but i just feel drained. the endless loop of going to school still not feeling safe. this one kid “knows people “ and threatens so many kids. as a result of me opening up to my parents , an old friend of mine also opened up to his parents about all of this. i just feel so so drained. any recommendations? sorry if i dragged this out to long

[Sophie_M]

Dear jacob
 
We want to thank you for having the courage to post about your ongoing challenge around the social difficulties you have been experiencing.  We are a helpful and supportive community here, and you are very welcome.
 
We are so sorry that you have and continue to have to go through this, bullying is never ok.  We can hear you are almost feeling powerless in all of this which can be very humiliating and isolating despite having supports around you.  Please know that you are not alone in this , that it has nothing to do with anything you have done and says much more about the bully than it does about you; you get to control how you choose to respond to this and by having ways to cope with bullying which can make it easier to deal with the situation, here is a greate resource: How to cope with Bullying at Reachout.  There are also several other support services tailored for younger people and have that understanding you are needing right now including KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:
 

• Beyond Blue 
• Kids Helpline 
• Lifeline 
• Headspace (9am-1am AEST) 

 
We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello jacob, hi and thanks for coming to the forums.

Your mates are only 'friends' with this bully because they might be scared of him, but I'm sure if he could be controlled then everybody would be more relaxed.

I wonder if you could ask your parents, plus the other parents to approach the headmaster and explain the situation, then appropriate action may be taken.

It would be much better coming from them because surely the teachers and headmaster would know what's actually happening.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[jaz28]

Hi jacob,

I am sorry you are experiencing bullying, that is not okay.

Most bullies are mean because of a reflection of themselves, not you. This kid could have a tough home life or past trauma and therefore expresses himself by bullying others. It is not your fault.

You have done the right thing by going to your parents, but what about going to a teacher as well? 

I hope this improves,

Jaz xx

[vitality]

I'm impressed at the insight you have.  I know sometimes it's helped if the person being bullied transfers to a different school if geographically etc possible.This isn't just running from the problem as some could say..This could be taking your life/power back...keeping your focus...having a good boundary...finding a healthy solution etc...

Schools need to assist much more...Hopefully speaking to your Principle at school may help.  The bully probably is hurting internally, the school needs to deal with him with that issue....your focus needs to be on your needs to enjoy school in a safe environment.  Fake it til you make it....eg avoid him though think confidently as you be near others at school...have confident body language..head up, shoulders back, stand tall. Google solutions..especially scapegoat...

He has the problem.  There's no way this is your fault.  Act confident & tell yourself you are confident..build your confidence by googling how to have more etc or reading etc.

Can you try & make friends with kids from another year at school..eg higher or lower.

Take up a hobby that interests you.  Be with the people who listen & validate you, we all deserve respect..it can be hard to find, always have hope respectful people are there for you, the more we build our self esteem & self worth the more chance we'll attract healthy, respectful people to us.

When we keep away from the bully they always go on to bully someone else. 

• Could you get a job after school...volunteer...find a good older mentor who listens well.  Getting out of our head eg not analysing & thinking too much & getting outdoors into nature can be relaxing & peaceful.  Remember, you're not alone.  Helplines could be good to try. We're here for you with this. Please keep us posted how things go..thanks for sharing here.