Brother with severe clinical depression - will not tell anyone - I'm terrified for him

[ConcernedSister_]

Hi Everyone,

around 18 months ago my older brother confided in me that he had been diagnosed with severe depression. At the time he had been suffering for around 12 months and had been taking antidepressants for around 9 months. He is in his early 30s, in a long term relationship and does not have any children.

My biggest concern is that he does not want to tell anyone about it. I have suggested that telling our parents would help to build a support network for him but he is frightened that by telling them (our mum especially) will cause her to worry too much. I am terrified that he will get to the point where he can no longer cope...

i understand that it is not my place to tell anyone and break his trust, I just don't know what to do. I'm hoping someone can help me, I get so worried that I breakdown in tears at times thinking about how he must be feeling. Each time I hear or read about another sufferer who has taken their own life it increases my anxiety over the situation.

please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

thank you x

[Starwolf]

Hi ConcernedSister, welcome to the forums.

Watching a loved one suffer is heart-breaking. The feeling of helplessness... horrible. It is true that mental conditions often lead to social isolation. They come with stigma attached. Sufferers are painfully aware of this. So they often feel ashamed and too embarrassed to "come out". There is also reluctance to concern their loved ones.

Speaking to relatives without your brother's approval may well be perceived by him as betrayal, regardless of the fact you have his best interests in mind. This could further complicate the issue and cause him to withdraw even more.The decision must be his. If you feel he is in danger of self-harming, give him these helpline numbers : 1300 22 4636 or 11 13 14 (Lifeline). Talking to a (professional) stranger is often easier.

You can't force him to open up but you can keep trying your best to help him understand that none of this is his fault. Depression is a medical condition like any other. Sure, it affects the brain but the brain is just another body part. The brain affects the mind. When its mechanism is out of kilter, the mind has no choice but to follow its misdirected signals. So depression has nothing to do with weakness or a flaw of character. It should be regarded in the same way as diabetes or heart problems.

Perhaps reminding your brother that 1 in 5 of us is, has been or will be affected by a mental condition may help him feel that he is not the odd one out. The more people speak up, the faster will stigma disappear.

It is in the nature of families to stick together and support members in need. I am sure your loved ones would want to know. Support is an important part of recovery. Once those around us know, research, printed info, talk with therapists will help understand the illness and their supporting role.

It may take time and repetition. Your love for your brother shines through your post. He is lucky to have you.

At the bottom of this page, you will find a lot of info. There's a section about Supporting someone (including looking after yourself in the process). Navigating the forums will help you feel less alone with it all.

We're here for you.