Branching out to meet people

[pinkcordial]

How does one with depression make new contacts in the community? Meaningful contacts with the view to becoming good friends?

I need to know how to help my mum who has been depressed for most of my life (maybe even since before I was born). I am 39 on my next birthday.

She is very reluctant to go out and do anything about meeting new people but really doesn't like being alone and isolated. I imagine there's got to be ways to meet new people at her age. Courses? Support groups? But where do you find them?

[Neil_1]

Dear pink cordial

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and to provide this thread with regard to your Mum.  A really wonderful and loving gesture you've made.

When you say she's reluctant to go out and to meet new people;   do you think if she was in an environment of there being other people around, she might take up the opportunity to get involved and to chat to others??

You know my first thought was to find a Club or some such place that may have programs run for some of the older folk (although what I'm about to say, you sure don't have to be older to play).  I'm referring to Bingo - I actually really enjoy it.  Weirdo, huh?!?!?  And my daughter of 13, loves it also.  We only ever play it on cruise ships, but it's a lot of fun.  You just never know what might come out of that;  after the game, people might mingle for chats, a coffee or a tea, perhaps?

I'm not sure if she'd be interested in perhaps trying lawn bowls - but that might be another option and a way of scoring a little exercise also?

Just a couple of thoughts to start off with - and I hope others will come along and provide some other suggestions as well.

I do look forward to hearing back from you also - and again, thank you for coming here and putting forward your lovely post.

Kind regards

Neil

ps:  love your name you've given yourself.  🙂

[geoff]

dear Pinkcordial, the suggestions by our friend Neil are so correct, as this is a great way to meet new people, but the problem is to be able to get her there.

If she is able to go to the closest Community Health Centre and register her name with them, they will include her on bus trips where there lunches are at a very reasonable price ranging from 'counter lunches' to lunches at a RSL club or perhaps lunch at some other place, but the price is minimal.

I know a couple of elderly people who are involved in this and it gets them out of the house so they can mix with others.either on the trip or after and even the stubborn people really like it. Geoff.

[pinkcordial]

Neil, thanks for your message. I would be prepared to attend some activities with her, although this would've been easier in years gone by, before I had a baby. I don't think she thinks much of bingo, but yes it can be fun. I went to bingo with some work colleagues about 10 years ago and thought it was good for something I wouldn't normally do. I'll suggest it.

She seems quite ok when she's with people. The challenge is to get her out there. She doesn't have confidence and her outgoing exterior is just a façade. She's very lonely and depressed. The bus trip sounds good. I think it would take quite a bit of courage for her to commit to that. I do know what it feels like to turn up to a place where you don't know anybody...I avoid it if I can, and I think she would too. It would help if she had a friend who would go with her. Sadly, she keeps to herself so she doesn't really have friends.

Part of her ongoing problem is her isolation from my brother & I and my dad. This is due to financial reasons. Unfortunate, but not easily overcome.

The nickname: I really like pink cordial!

Thanks again,

Nicole

[pinkcordial]

Hi Geoff

I made enquiries with her local community house over 5 years ago. I passed the info onto my mum, but she didn't follow up. I offered to pay for courses etc. I've tried.

When she's with people, she's capable of having a laugh. Looks like she's having a good time. So I'll suggest the bus trips. Just once, to try it.

Maybe I could call up that community house again and try to gauge whether they sort of assist newcomers to fit in. I think maybe she needs this. Rather than going in cold.

Thanks

Nicole

[AGrace]

Hi Nicole,

Neil and Geoff have offered some sound advice.

I also wanted to ask what sorts of things does your mum enjoy doing on her own? Perhaps it would be easier to turn these things into hobbies.

Some of the things that come to mind are: Knitting, Crocheting, Reading, Walking, Cooking, Gardening, Sewing, Craft. There are groups and clubs for all of these things. It might even be worthwhile for you to do something with her to begin with. It might ease her into getting out and socialising. Local Community Centres, Libraries, Craft/haberdashery shops are a good place to start finding these groups. You'll find most are very reasonably priced.

Your brother and father might not be interested in joining her in these groups, but perhaps they could help out by taking her and waiting for her, then bringing her home. This way she'll feel comfortable to leave if she needs to.

How old is your child? Do you get your mum involved in things related to her grand child? School events, school pickup, sports days, attending extra curricular activities? This is another chance for her to get out of the house, but it won't intrude on your routine.

I hope some of the suggestions are useful.

AGrace

[Stitch]

Hi pinkcordial,

I have the same problem as your mother in that I've become a bit of a hermit and I'm now very isolated.  I find it difficult to leave the flat.

Earlier this year I checked out "Meet Up' which is a national organisation of social groups.  There are literally hundreds of groups and they cater to every age, gender and interest.  They are run by ordinary people and are very informal in their structure.

You can choose from craft groups, bush walking, art appreciation, language, wine & cheese fanciers and red wine appreciators.  There are groups for single, married, divorced or widowed people and everything in between.  There's even a "parma appreciation society" meet up group.  (I'm seriously considering joining that one).

There are also lots of groups for people living with depression & anxiey, social phobia or shyness.  The great thing about these groups is that a person can log on to their group page & communicate with others before acually meeting them.  This may ease her fears about meeting new people.

I hope this has been helpful.

I think your mother is really lucky to have a daugher like you.

Regards

Stitch