Hi, I'm really looking for some advice on how to help my boyfriend of 6 months with what appears to be situational depression.
Some background: We are both in our 50's and communication between us has been really good right from the start, in fact he has admitted to telling me things he has never spoken about before. I believe he suffers from PTSD from some traumatic experiences in his past and we have discussed the idea of counselling however he hasn't seemed too keen.
For many months he has been coping with a particularly nasty divorce, a search for a solicitor and dealing with Child Support Agency. Major stressors. A little over a week ago he virtually stopped all communication with me. He told me it was nothing I'd done but he needed time. I've since found out that he has cut off all but essential contact such as with his kids. We actually saw each other last night but only because it was a longstanding date (apparently he thought a lot about cancelling). We didn't get a lot of time to talk but when we did he vented about CSA, his ex and his unsatisfactory meeting with a solicitor. He hasn't attended activities he loves such as the footy, his sleep is poor and interrupted, he is drinking too much (always a heavy drinker), can't seem to get organised, has lost interest in everything. He works for himself and for the first time ever he has customers chasing him to get work done, he just can't motivate himself. We went to a comedy show last night and he laughed and enjoyed it while he was there although not fully participating as he normally would. As we drove back to his place I watched him withdraw again and where I would normally stay the night, I asked if he would prefer me not to and he thanked me and said he'd like to be alone.
He is a very proud man and doesn't accept help easily. I have asked around and have a number of contact details for solicitors. I have also learnt that a solicitor could deal with CSA for him which would take a lot of pressure off. My question is how do I approach him with this information in a way that preserves his pride and shows him that I'm trying to be helpful and not control him.
Also, if giving him his space and allowing him to work through things on his own as he seems to want is the best way forward for him I'm happy to comply, but everything I've read to date seems to indicate that that wouldn't be a good idea. He is disappearing into a dark hole and I really want advice on the best way to help him.
