Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Living with someone with PTSD & Anxiety.

replies: 18

I am looking for other people who live with/married to, someone with PTSD anxiety and what they do to look after themselves? The lack of communication, enthusiasm, failure to participate in life & constantly having to motivate my husband is starting to wear me down. He has regular Psych appointments & he is medicated but learnt behaviours and coping mechanisms means that we are constantly on a tail chasing story. How do other partners get fulfilment in their lives? How do they stop their partners' anxiety/depression suffocating their lives or break free from Ground hog day? How do they stop feeling depressed? I understand his diagnosis and support him, but I noticed I am starting to unravel. I am tired of "talking" about his lack of acknowledgement of the things that happen to me. I am tired and hurt & over being angry.

Reaching out to my depressed ex

replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm new to the site, so thank you for your help in advance. I'm in a very painful situation with my ex, who moved to Australia from the UK late last year. He very quickly spiraled into depression and was feeling suicidal within five weeks of arriving. We have been together for two years, have known each other for four, and are married. He hadn't experienced depression in the time I've known him although, looking back, there were some warning signs that he was developing signs of a nervous breakdown before he arrived. Unfortunately, my partner began blaming me for the depression very quickly, saying that issues he had with my communication style were resulting in him not being able to make plans to stay in Australia, and hence look for work, make friends, etc., and that all of this meant that he was depressed. I felt that my communication style was how it had always been but nonetheless tried to address his concerns and improve what he was asking me to. The problem was that once I fixed one issue, another one would emerge. He became extremely nasty over the six months that he was here and was verbally abusive at times; he felt that I ruined his life by asking him to move to Australia. I financially supported him the whole time he was here, tried to get him to seek professional help, tried to support him, etc. but it didn't help - in fact, it made the situation worse. One night I told him that I needed a break from talking about suicide, and he has never let me forget this. My ex has returned to the UK to recover and has asked that I not contact him so that he can begin a new phase of his life. I haven't contacted him for nearly a month. I'm torn, as when he was here, he would insist that I not contact him/never speak to him again, etc. and then be quite surprised that I wouldn't reach out and try to make amends 'if I actually wanted to relationship'. I want to respect where he's at and his healing, but it's painful to not be able to be there for him. I'm not sure if it would be helpful or harmful to reach out and tell him that I still care and that I'm here if he needs or wants me. I suspect I need to leave him be. I'm grieving myself, as I feel like this disease has robbed me of my husband. At the same time, some of his behaviour was abusive, and I know that depression is no excuse for that. It's a phenomenally sad time. I'd appreciate any advice on how to support someone in this situation.

How to help my depressed boyfriend

replies: 1

Hi I decided to write this post because i need to vent and also get some advice. My 25 year old boyfriend whom i have been with for 6 years is very depressed. This is the first time since we have been together that it has been this bad. It seems to be very sudden that his behaviour has changed (last 3 months). He has all of a sudden taken up smoking and he drinks himself into oblivion. He talks about ending his life and says he is a bad person. He tells me that he is not a good person and that i deserve better. I tell him that i love him and that he is going through a rough patch. He has been prescribed anti depressents by his doctor which he has been taking. He has good days but when he has a bad day i just dont know how to help him. He wont listen to me and i end up in tears because of what he says and just from worry. Should i talk to his doctor myself? Should i get him to do counselling? How do i help him as i just dont know what to do.

I want to help my boyfriend

replies: 3

Hey Everyone, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, he is an amazing person who can light up a room and make anyone feel awesome but he’s not ok. I’ve always known he struggles with his mind but lately he has been getting worse. His anxiety has gotten to the point that he’s self medicating with anything available. He’s got three different versions on himself that I see throughout the week and I don’t know how to help. The week will begin as himself and by Wednesday he’ll start to crack and just want to go party or stay up all night then by Saturday he’s in a rage and becomes super depressed and then will reset by Monday morning. It’s sounds crazy but it’s been happening every week for a couple of months, I’m pretty sure he’s been doing drugs other than drinking as he’ll shut down when I bring it up. As it’s Monday I know he’ll be clear today so I’m hoping to get some advice, we’ve been talking about going to see someone but we don’t have the money or private health insurance. I am hoping someone on here has some advice of a bulk billing GP that they could recommend for a referral or that’s just friendly and caring enough to help him. We live on the Gold Coast. Thank you for reading.

My husband has depression

replies: 2

Good afternoon, My husband and i have been together for 23 years next week.6 months ago my daughter and i had moved out because i couldnt deal with this anymore. Hes had been mentally ill for 2 years now and my husband has manic depression, bipolar and hes an alcoholic. He has been taking hes medication and going to GP regularly but this week he had replase with alcohol and and i told him he needs to work on getting him self better before we work on our relationship. He is seeing a mental health Dr next week and he said he is going to beat this once and for all, which is great My question is, i feel unwanted, that he doesn't love me anymore and too scared to tell me. I am going to stick by him 100% like i always have but how do i cope? How do deal with this? How do i be strong for me and my daughter? And what other ways can i be there for him? Any advice would be great Thanks

How can I help my boyfriend with depression?

replies: 4

Currently I am struggling to help my boyfriend with his depression and I am wondering how I can help him to seek out a psychologist. I was diagnosed with depression myself last year and since then have gone to a few sessions with a psychologist. I found that it really helped me and I wish that my boyfriend could see the benefits of seeing one. He has never been officially diagnosed with depression, but having had it, as well as seeing multiple family members struggle with it as well, I think that he does have depression and/or anxiety. However he is very adamant about not getting professional help and hasn't even told his family about his concerns. I've noticed that he has been like this since I met him a year and a half ago, but he has told me it's been a lot longer. The pressure is really getting to me as his best friend and girlfriend as I am still struggling with my own mental health. I managed to find a blog post that accurately describes how I feel, even with our different types of depression being represented as well. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/partner-needs-therapy.htm However, I don't know how to talk to him about anything to do with this topic because anything I say will make him upset. I would like him to be open to the possibility of seeing a psychologist, or even a GP to get an actual diagnosis from a medical professional. His refusal to seek help is making things quite hard for me to look after both myself and him too. Honestly I don't know how much longer I can keep it up before breaking, but I would hate to have to separate from him. I really love him and I hate seeing him like this without any willingness to get professional help. Do you have any suggestions for this situation? (Sorry for such a long message)

My partner has depression and does not want to take any medication

replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have recently learnt that my boyfriend has depression and we have had some ups and downs, but he has explained to me how it feels for him. He does not want to take any medication as he hates how it makes him feel, he describes it as one feeling, like being monotone. I really want to be there to support him but to also know how to support myself and to learn it's not my fault, even though sometimes it does feel that way. I think this space is such a fantastic idea and I really want to learn more about it and how I can not only help him but myself and others from my own experiences.

Depression, family and finance

replies: 4

Hi, My husband has been diagnosed with depression. We believe he has had it for many years and about a year ago saw a doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants. The medication worked well (he was happy again after many hard years) and even though the dr asked for him to also see a councillor/psychologist to hone in on the reasons of his depression, he decided against it. A year later, he sold his business and without any communication with me has decided that he can’t work (he was aiming for a part time job after selling the business). His reasons change from wanting to be around for our kids (12&8 years), to not being able to work due to his mental health. I work full time but I don’t earn enough to cover all the bills. He knows this but still refuses to help. This puts a lot of pressure on me to the point that I’m now getting overly stressed. If I mention the cost of upcoming bills he does not care and that I need to apologies to him for being cranky. I have no idea what to do… And I feel absolutely stuck… Has anyone been or in a similar situation and can offer any advice? Thanks

My Husbands Depression is Getting Worse

replies: 3

Hi everyone, My husband suffers from depression, anxiety and has been diagnoses with BPD. Like most, he has his good days and his bad. However, since his brain surgery last year, things have been getting progressively worse. He's definitely notice he's changed and he's seeking help from a therapist, which is great, but with each attack of his depression, he just starts to shut himself out. I struggle with this because I'm a talker and like to talk things through immediately rather than letting things boil internally. I'm learning to change my way of thinking to help support him which is why I'm here. I'm here to seek advice and to find out if there are any groups I could attend or classes I could join in Sydney to learn more about anxiety and depression, to gain a better understanding of what my husband is going through on a daily basis, This is also something that my husband is encouraging me to do. Thank you all for taking the time to help me out.

I'm worried about my 15-year-old son

replies: 2

My son is a bright, caring boy, but I'm worried that his family are the only ones that get to see that side of him. He has always been quiet, but in the last year or so his social anxiety has become much worse. He completely shuts down when he is around people that are not close friends or family. He hates talking to teachers or shop assistants and avoids it at all costs. It became really obvious when we were on a trip with his aikido group. Even though these are people we see regularly, I was dismayed to see him giving one-syllable answers to questions and disappearing at every opportunity. He said later that he had a near panic attack at the beginning of the course, just because of the other people around, and he described walking into the breakfast room with about 5 other people as 'being faced with a room of tigers'. We've talked to him, but he insists he is 'fine'. He says he is just antisocial and comfortable being that way. His plan is to simply avoid anything that makes him feel uncomfortable. He has a few friends from a previous school, but has made no new friends at a new school this year (which he insists is just because he doesn't like them, not because he's anxious). We have a family history of depression and anxiety, so I would really love to help him learn some more coping mechanisms and resilience. But he seems so resistant at the moment that I wonder if counselling would actually help, or if he would just argue with the counsellor as he is arguing with us. What do others think? Any tips on approaches on an anxious walled-off teenager would be very welcome.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Living with someone with PTSD & Anxiety. replies: 18

Reaching out to my depressed ex replies: 3

How to help my depressed boyfriend replies: 1

I want to help my boyfriend replies: 3

My husband has depression replies: 2

How can I help my boyfriend with depression? replies: 4

My partner has depression and does not want to take any medication replies: 4

Depression, family and finance replies: 4

My Husbands Depression is Getting Worse replies: 3

I'm worried about my 15-year-old son replies: 2