Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

CLF Lost
  • replies: 5

Today I took the brave step and logged onto the beyond blue website, and realised I am not alone! my husband who I love dearly has been battling depression for the last year. He is supposed to take medication but this is a hit and miss. He has recent... View more

Today I took the brave step and logged onto the beyond blue website, and realised I am not alone! my husband who I love dearly has been battling depression for the last year. He is supposed to take medication but this is a hit and miss. He has recently stopped taking this as he feels it's making him tired and he can't function. He hates work, he has no energy to fight, why fight when you are only going to get knocked down. He has no passion for life! He recently told me how he had worked the train system out, at the time he told me he was in a good frame of mind, but now I worry about this. We have 2 beautiful children that worry about there dad, I feel like I am over compensating in love for them from the both of us! I feel so drained and just don't know what to do. He won't take his medication, he won't talk to anybody, he shuts himself up in the room... Please help me!

wornoutmum Pet Therapy
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone! My daughter is travelling so much better. After yet another disappointing appointment with authorities, we were talking about a friends horses. This friend and I use the term loosely had moved away about 6 months ago and left her horses... View more

Hey everyone! My daughter is travelling so much better. After yet another disappointing appointment with authorities, we were talking about a friends horses. This friend and I use the term loosely had moved away about 6 months ago and left her horses in the care of her 18 year old daughter. We decided to have a look at them. We were shocked and disgusted at the state of these 4 horses. We are in a drought here and to say they were walking(just) skeletons would be an understatement. We cried and cried together and then decided to help them. Little bits of food until they could cope with food, then we have been feeding for 3 weeks. My daughter is paying to feed them with her meager pay.. the comment on the worse of the horses was that he was old and dying anyway. so after getting advice on whether he could be saved, we approached them about making him ours. He is now ours. We couldn't see the others starve while he recovered enough to be moved so we still feed all of them. As much as this was a sad situation, the change in my daughter is incredible. Not only is she conscientious about them but also taking her meds. Having someone else ( horses have souls) to worry about and take responsibility for has made a huge improvement. She interacts not only with the horse but with us. I have my girl back. will this last forever - Maybe not but having the Love back is great. What will happen when he does die, I don't know. However she can be confident that she has done her best to give him a good life. this was something that we talked about before we took on the responsibility. those days when she can't get up? A gentle reminder that she has a helpless horse that is relying on her gets her up. she is also now starting to interact with her friends again. Realising that they were there for her and those that weren't are out of the picture. Can I recommend this to everyone? No because it may not be an option. I have to be ready to take on the role if she goes down again, which I am sure she will. But I can see the light starting to peek through and so can she!

holistichorse My husband won't seek help...
  • replies: 1

I have been with my husband for 10yrs, married for 2.He has always been a pretty happy carefree person. We have a 14month old son and in the last 12months my husband seems to have been in a downward spiral. It's a long story about what situation we'r... View more

I have been with my husband for 10yrs, married for 2.He has always been a pretty happy carefree person. We have a 14month old son and in the last 12months my husband seems to have been in a downward spiral. It's a long story about what situation we're in but the short of it is that in the last 12 months he has been having massive mood swings, getting angry over the slightest things such as leaving a coffee mug out, sleeping all the time, not being able to wake him and when I do he says and does things that hedoesn't remember doing later.He doesn't have a job as he's meant to be looking after our son, but he justseems to be working in his shed all the time and staying out there til the early hours of the morning. He's constantly yelling at me and when anything doesn't go his way he can' t cope. He has migraines all the time and he's been sicker in the last year then in the whole 9 before it. He doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me anymore and he doesn't see much of his friends and family either.we have been going to counselling together for the lady few months but he's even defensive with the counsellor and doesn't seem to tell her the whole truth. He has times when he gets so upset he becomes irrational like changing the locks on the house so I couldn't get in until I talked to him and agreed with what he wanted....i'm pretty sure I still love him but he's beginning to not resemble the man I married and I'm not sure how much more of this I can cope with.he's adamant there's nothing wrong with him & that he doesn't want to see anyone. I did get him to go to the doctor once when he slept for nearly 3 days but when the doctor referred him for blood tests he never went. i'm struggling to cope with living in a house where I feel like I'm treading on egg shells and scared of setting him off but he's hinted that if I ask for a break he won't ever come back.... I don't want him to leave if there's a chance we could get what we had back.today he told me that he was so unhappy that the only thing stopping him from killing himself was our son. But yet he still doesn't want to seek help.i cry every day as now I'm the one who's unhappy and I feel sad for what our life has become but how do you get someone to seek help if they don't want it?beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Kezv Husband has agreed to see a psychiatrist but won't get a referral
  • replies: 6

Hi. My husband had a heart attack last year at age 29 and has suffered from depression over the last year. This has affected him not working for bouts of 3 months, not talking to his friends and family for weeks at a time when he is depressed. He has... View more

Hi. My husband had a heart attack last year at age 29 and has suffered from depression over the last year. This has affected him not working for bouts of 3 months, not talking to his friends and family for weeks at a time when he is depressed. He has now agreed to see a psychiatrist to get medicated but refuses to see a GP to get the referral. I rang the specialist rooms and they won't see him without a referral. The GP won't give him a referral without seeing him and his cardiologist wouldn't give him a referral. Does anyone have any suggestions?

aurrrudurrr How to convince someone to see a psychiatrist?
  • replies: 1

I know this has been well addressed in Google, but it is very not helpful to our situation. Like how we already knows the reason that why my mother refused to seek help becasue she think that we are the mad one. She the mad one becasue she the one wh... View more

I know this has been well addressed in Google, but it is very not helpful to our situation. Like how we already knows the reason that why my mother refused to seek help becasue she think that we are the mad one. She the mad one becasue she the one who is screaming tiraid to nonsenses. Other known issues with my mother: Confusing someone with another one: She keep thinking that my stepfather is stealing from her, but in reality it is her sisters who are stealing from her, sort of in a way that those people who take a generous person for granted. Her first sign of having an anxiety attack is when she becomes very unresponsive, is this anxiety of something more serious? Her anxiety periods last longer and longer, even small thing or some delusional thinking can now can set her off. Have a tuimor in her brain (regrown but not large enough to take a sugery yet) She think that my everyone are plotting against her. How should I convince my mother to seek help?

dmb At a loss
  • replies: 5

My husband has suffered depression basically as long as I've known him but it became really bad after we had our first daughter almost 7 years ago. He's had ups and downs, but more downs than ups. After trying various antidepressants which only made ... View more

My husband has suffered depression basically as long as I've known him but it became really bad after we had our first daughter almost 7 years ago. He's had ups and downs, but more downs than ups. After trying various antidepressants which only made things worse, he relies only on marijuana now and honestly he is nicer to be around when he's using it. Today though for the first time ever, he said that he doesn't see the point in living. He said that everyone hates him and that the only people that would be sad to see him go are myself and our two children. I am of course very upset hearing this and have told him that he needs to talk to a professional. He's never been open to the idea of going to any professionals because they cost money, which is something that we struggle with and unfortunately don't qualify for any concessions due to my income being just high enough to be considered too much for assistance, but low enough that we are struggling to keep our heads above water. This all adds to his stress and depression, so to add the cost of seeing a professional so he can get the help he needs is difficult to convince him to spend. I am finding it harder and harder to live with him but fear that leaving will only make things even worse.He's also currently obsessed with proving that all the world governments are corrupt and that world powers are out to get us all. He rants and raves to everyone he sees about it which makes people like him even less. He is an all or nothing kind of person so either he'll over share his opinion or he'll literally clam up and not talk at all.I don't know what to do any more.

Bee123 My fiancé has depression
  • replies: 2

Hi there, my partner has depression. He can cope ok on the outside, but sometimes he shuts down. When he does he's very depressed and down. He is very self conscious and unhappy with the direction he is heading in life. I want to support him but its ... View more

Hi there, my partner has depression. He can cope ok on the outside, but sometimes he shuts down. When he does he's very depressed and down. He is very self conscious and unhappy with the direction he is heading in life. I want to support him but its been 5 years now and we are getting married in a few months. I would hope he can try and get help before I wedding or at least understand he needs help. He has had a very I tense life. I fee like like a counsellor could help. He thinks he can deal with it in his own head. But I think that's the issue. its so draining not knowing how he will be when I get home. And I feel like depression fills the house. How can he go and get help. I want him to be happy because I know he wants to be As well. I feel selfish because I know it is hard for him also. Thank you

Not_Ryan_Gosling I need help understanding my role
  • replies: 13

I am not sure if age is important, but I am 23 years old. The girl who I am trying to support with depression is 22. We met at work and started dating, we had an instant connection. She said she had never opened up to anyone, but she did with me. She... View more

I am not sure if age is important, but I am 23 years old. The girl who I am trying to support with depression is 22. We met at work and started dating, we had an instant connection. She said she had never opened up to anyone, but she did with me. She told me about her struggles with depression in the past and how whenever she let someone in, they would leave her stranded. She told me she had never let anyone in as much as me and it scared her. Two months ago she said the depression was coming back and that she didn’t want me around because it wasn’t fair to me to deal with it. In response I started writing her notes every night. She loved them, I believe that they comforted her. Within days we were closer than ever, she opened up to me even more, and we were working through her depression together. I did a lot of reading on depression and was doing my best to handle it the correct way, however I believed that I knew here better than the papers I read on depression, so I tried confronting her about one thing. She didn’t drink a lot, but when she did she would feel terrible about it for a couple days. I told her that her drinking was making her more sad, and making her depression worse. Everything I read said not to use tough love, I used it, and it backfired. This occurred about 2 weeks ago. She told me that I didn’t know what she was going through and that she had everything under control. She then broke up with me saying that she couldn’t handle a relationship at this point in her life. I gave her space after that, but tried reading up more on depression and tried following what I read. After a couple days I started sending her short nice texts about how I wanted to be there for her through her depression. We started talking a little bit and then one day she was really close to opening up to me again about her depression, I told her I would love if she talked about it, but just when I thought she was going to talk, she shut down and stopped talking to me again. This lasted a couple days. Then the process repeated itself. Since she hasn’t said a word to me. I want to be there for her, but I don’t know if I should be, or how to be. No one else knows about her depression and she acts fine around them. I want to be there for her because I know she needs somebody, I just don’t know if I am the right person. Should I help or back off? How should I attempt to help? Any advice would be hugely appreciated. I just want her to be happy again.

Oliver22 Need help for my Boyfriend!!
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am very new to this and I am looking for help and support. My boyfriend suffers from depression, he is usually happy but lately he seems to be upset a lot more often and tends to take it out on me (not physically, just seems to blame me for thi... View more

Hi, I am very new to this and I am looking for help and support. My boyfriend suffers from depression, he is usually happy but lately he seems to be upset a lot more often and tends to take it out on me (not physically, just seems to blame me for things). Lately it has become more regular and I can usually see it coming as he is moody a few days in advance. Anyone have any advise or anything I could do to try and help him out? Thanks!

yvonneg Is my son depressed ?
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. I am so thankful that I found this forum. Im feeling really helpless and heartbroken for my son right now. He has been acting really so lately. Really withdrawn and lost in his thoughts and I dont know how to fix it. He's usually really ... View more

Hi everyone. I am so thankful that I found this forum. Im feeling really helpless and heartbroken for my son right now. He has been acting really so lately. Really withdrawn and lost in his thoughts and I dont know how to fix it. He's usually really happy go lucky, laughing and always wanting to go places, but in the last couple weeks, the last 2 days especially I see a difference in him. i catch him just standing looking at a blank tv with a snifly nose and watery eyes. When I ask him whats wrong or if he's okay, he sort of like shakes his head like as to snap himself out of his mood and then says simple quick responses like huh, im fine or what are you talking about. Today I went to work and was really worried about leaving him home alone because yesterday is the first time ive actually seen him just standing in such deep thought for so long. I would find him in all parts of the house lost in thought. Usually when I call him from work he picks up sounding like himself doing productive things around the house or job hunting online but today I tried calling and texting with no response. I decided to drive home to check on him and I can tell he was in the same mood. There were absolutely no tv's on, no noise in the house and he looked really tired. he said he ate today but i can tell he didnt. I started picking up around the house and would find him doing his standing in random places in deep thought thing again. Is this normal depressed behavior ? Why do people get this way all of a sudden? Hes not a kid anymore. He's 23 years old but this is definitely not in his charachter. I want to help him so bad but he wont talk to me. he's not mean or anything about it, but its like he doesnt even want to comprehend what im asking him or maybe cant express the way he feels because he gives 1 word answers like yes or no and kind of brushes it off and will say something totally random to change the subject. I have been as gentle as I can with him in letting him know that im here for him if he wants to talk to me about anything and letting him know that he is never alone but he just looks at me and says he's fine then rubs his head and goes back to doing his standing and thinking again. Does he want to be alone or does he want me to comfort him in some way? I am so confused and seriously heartbroken of the dramatic change in my son.