Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated

replies: 12

Hi, I am new to this forum, so here goes. My husband had been working overseas in SE Asia for the last 2 years, based inMalaysia but spending about 3out of 4 weeks travelling, coming back to Oz.when he could for brief trips, usually tied in with business. I have had several trips over there. Early Jan. this year he went back to Malaysia, but after 3 sleepless nights, he rang me to say just wanted to get on a plane back to Oz, which he did. Saw a great psychologist who diagnosed him with severe stress and anxiety. He stayed in Oz. for Jan. and most of Feb, (tried to go to Bangkok early Feb, but relapsed and I went over there and we came back to Oz. after 2 days). We went back to Malaysia in March, I took 5 weeks carers leave (nurse). A job came up inOz. which he applied for and got, starts 1st June. When I went back to Oz. beginning of April he came also for work, then back to Malaysia. He lasted 2 nights on his own before another panic attack, so now I am back over in Malaysia on more carers leave. He is doing okay, meditating daily and exercising, (apart from the first few days which were rough for both of us) . We have 2 more weeks in Malaysia before we leave for good, husband already has a psychologist appt. lined up. I think I'm doing okay, exercising, doing relaxing things. I live stream classical music which is wonderfully relaxing when home. Just putting this post out as I feel very isolated here, away from work and friends. I do have a couple of friends inOz I can ring if needed, but don't like to ring them too often.Plan to get some counselling when back in Oz. Any suggestions of supports when I get back to Oz appreciated, or stategies for next 2 weeks, thanks.

Depressed partner won't get help!

replies: 3

Hi allMy boyfriend has been depressed for the last two years or so and last night I caught him in a very big lie - he told me he was going to play games with a friend but instead I went to the theatre I suspected he was at and caught them walking out of the theatre together. He told me there is nothing romantic going on, and I, either foolishly or not, believe him. But he lied about this 'as he didn't want to hurt me'.He came home and we had a massive chat. He advised he feels nothing. At all. Doesn't feel for me, doesn't want to see his daughter anymore, nothing. He is in chronic pain from a back injury and undiagnosed stomach pain. Says he wakes up every morning wishing he was dead. Doesn't understand why I stay with him. Feels everything in his life is crap because of him. Now doesn't believe he is depressed because 'if I was I would have got over it already'. He is just very numb and doesn't know how to keep going. Kept it from me how bad he was doing because his depression has affected me. I have anxiety now, but I am in therapy and managing the initial causes.Through our discussion last night I basically laid out to him he needs to do something about the depression. Can't just wake up every mmorning hoping it had suddenly gone. I want him on anti depressants. I want him to try more than one therapy session.He doesn't believe in doctors because they haven't been able to resolve his stomach pains after all these years. Thinks anti depressants will make him into a different person, a zombie state. Thinks the one therapy session made everything worse. Is annoyed his new job didn't fix it, our efforts to keep our relationship healthy aren't helping etc etc. All of these make him think he is a bad person who isn't worth my time and love?How can I encourage him that since the last time he was on meds (over 10 years ago) that things have changed. That yes, they might make things worse before they kickin but I will be here to support him through that. That talking about it will do more good than keeping silent and hoping that the next morning it will all suddenly be gone?Im at my wits end. I feel I can't trust what he tells me now. I am suspicious of the discussions he is having with this female friend, whether she is supporting him Brough this or just telling him he is better being alone (she has relationship issues, thinks they are worthless).This has thrown me something shocking. I don't know how to move forward.

Is your Partner Supportive of Your Depression/Anxiety?

replies: 19

Hi Everyone and any New Posters are very welcome! I have noticed some new threads from people with depression/anxiety who have a partner that has little or no tolerance/understanding of their illness. I have been treated like I have a highly contagious virus when I mention to a partner that I have Depression/Anxiety. I just want wanted to know if anyone else has or is being treated the same way...(FYI... I have had Anxiety/Depression since 1983...The anxiety has faded away and the Depression has been around since 2000...and will be with me for life) Kind Thoughts Paul

Helping husband when he doesn't want help

replies: 4

Hi, I need some advice, I am posting here because I haven't spoken to anyone about this (Because hubby has asked me not to) and I figure it's ok being anonymous here. basically he has suffered from different degrees of depression his whole life, plus he has had to put up with my post natal depression (twice). He lost his mother nearly 4 years ago and was close to her and understandably took it very hard. Over the past couple of years he has developed fear that he constantly smells of faeces. It started when he started a new job and has bad anxiety and had the runs that day and decided that everyone could smell him and they were all laughing at him. He left that job completely for that reason and got another job where he travels to different work sites. He is convinced that everyone is laughing at him and talking behind his back, so much so that he abuses them about it sometimes. it has taken over his life! He doesn't come to our children's school activities because he can't be in a room with other people, we don't go out anywhere.. Even to the shops! He get bad anxiety and starts sweating and getting upset.He has been to the doctor on my insistence because I have a feeling he was very close to something dangerous. The doctor put him on anti depressants and a mental health plan. I thought the medication was working a bit, not heaps but a bit. But he refused to go to the psychologist because he had to work.He missed two appointments so they have cancelled all others. His attitude is that they won't help him anyway, how will they stop the smell?! Every day he asks if he smells and I tell him he doesn't (the truth) but he doesn't listen. Even if one of the kids say they can smell something he freaks out He is having another very bad low time now, he tried to stop his medications saying they don't help but I made him take it and he is saying he can't live like this Its getting close to his mothers anniversary of her death, you always feel it coming when it starts getting colder. I don't know if this is what is contributing to his excessive low but I just don't know what to do. i told him last night if he got to bad I'd ring the ambulance to take him but he said he wouldn't go and would go for a walk and never come back..i need help, I can't cope. I have bad depression myself and am on antidepressants and to be completely truthful self medicate with pain pills when I have days I can't cope (which no one knows about)what do I do? please help

The frustrated carer

replies: 7

Hi guys! Mana89 here. Iv just recently registered and this will be my first official thread about my story on this forum. I am the carer of my loving partner who shows obvious signs of extreme panic/anxiety attacks and depression. I have been with him for just over a year (i know not that long) and within the last 5 months i have only JUST been introduced to this unknown,very unfamiliar, very scary world of anxiety and depression. Iv never had experience in this field and i have very little knowledge or understanding about- how to deal/how to care/how to support/how to communicate/how to be more understanding and lastly how to help. I am sad to admit that unfortunately i am one of those partners out there that has always had a wild angry nature and as a carer of someone who suffers, its no doubt an emotionally frustrating roller coaster. He is the one, he is the love of my life, and im all in to make the necessary changes i need to make, but hes trapped in his mind, hes constantly suffocating and always feels overwhelmed which prevents him to communicate which often leads to me being aggravated, angry and frustrated. I will openly admit that i have said and done some terrible things that i cant take back caused from a build up of frustration, without even realizing the consequences and how much damage it can cause to someone who is suffering (for which i have already apologized for), it almost tore us apart. But here i am doing what ever it takes to help repair and rebuild. I dont know how to help if- he doesn't fully understand anxiety in itself (which he has consistently told me), if he doesnt let me in or communicate with me, he refuses to seek professional help (because he doesnt want to speak to a stranger) and taking meds is NOT an option at all. I just need someone to shed some light, any advice or support would be much appreciated xx

BPD girlfriend

replies: 4

Hi everyone. Have only just registered and must rush off to work. I intend to post my story. Been with a partner with BPD for nearly one year. She currently arrested for 3rd time. At home alone. House is trashed. Holes in wall. My dry blood is everywhere. And still I would take her back when she released. Despite a intervention order being in place. Didn't stop us for last few weeks. I'm confused. Mind warped. Hurt etc. She has a long history of these experiences in past relationships. Leaving a trail of destruction and broken men. Yet I believe I'm the first to have the answer. BPD. Given to me by a mental health worker when my partner allowed herself to be seen by one a few times after our first blowup. And as soon as a diagnosis came up partner flipped. Stopped seeing them. Even rang management to have the worker sacked. Will post again soon

Overseas Friend ignoring messages

replies: 1

I'm new to this forum and not sure exactly what I'm looking for. I made friends with someone who has since moved home to England. It began romantically, but has become just a friendship since he got back (over 6 months ago). I knew when we met that he was trying to deal with his depression, he was always very open with me about it, asked for help on things going on his life and we would message each other every day or so about whatever was going on in our lives. About 2 months ago he told me that his depression was getting worse and that he was going to (finally) speak to a professional about it. He was worried that his drinking and partying was getting out of hand, that he was blacking out and not remembering things and that he knew this was part of his depression. I am travelling to England for work in late June and initially he had been really excited about me coming, suggesting things we could do together and wanting to introduce me to his friends. Straight after he told me his depression was getting worse he told me that he didn't think he had enough money to come to London to see me when I would be there, that he was organising trips away with new friends in the months leading up to me being there and that he was going to be pretty broke because of that. I reacted really badly. I told him that i was worried about him, that he was prioritising partying over seeing me and that he was unreliable and needed to get the help he had been talking about getting. He responded by telling me that my friendship made him sick and anxious and that he didn't want to see me or continue the friendship anymore. I haven't heard from him since. I have left messages (about every 10 days) apologising and saying I am here if he needs me but after 6 weeks he still hasn't responded. Should I just leave him alone?

Depressed Wife, Looking for support/advice

replies: 4

Hi BB , I'm not really sure where to start with this so here goes. I've been with my wife married for 6 together for 10. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety almost 5 years ago and for the most part its been bearable, tough at times but nothing we couldnt work through. She was on medication up until January of this year when she decided to come off it (which i totally supported) She is also seeing a councelor once/twice a month to help deal with everything. She has been at uni for the past 4 years doing a course after she finally figured out where her interests was and being on a single wage with a small child has made the financial situation exceptionally tough, she doesnt like talking about money and everytime i ask her to hold off on spending (for wants not necessities) it becomes an argument. The past 5 months have probably been the toughest months of our entire partnership. Her emotional state is very volitile, very similar to being on an emotional roller coaster. We've almost ended it a couple of times this year after heated discussions but allowed ourselves to cool off and work through the issue at hand. Little tiny issues or things said in a joking manner seem to implode into massive issues, i feel like having fun with my wife is alot more difficult then what it used to be. we are trying new things (date nights, going out socially more) to spend more time together but the money situation is causing me anxiety and im not sure what we are doing is enough. I dont like to speak about this with direct family as i dont want them worrying and i guess trying to take it on alone is starting to take its toll. I guess i'm just wanting to vent my frustration at this illness as i feel helpless and really want to help fix the woman i love! I'd love some advice from people who have cared or are caring for wifes,partners etc with a similar situation on how they have managed to not only deal and help their partner with it but also find time for themselves to unwind and vent. Cheers, RandomUser

2 friends both with depression how can it work?

replies: 3

I have been having a really really tough time lately- work related, financially, family illness and work like balance pressures. I am seeing a counsellor and have been diagnosed with mild depression and I would like to start medication if I can. The friend I always lean on has been distant lately and when I questioned this she too has been diagnosed with depression and I had no idea. I feel like a terrible friend for not knowing in the first place and angry and hurt she never told me when I have leant on her for so much in the past, I want to support her but she says she's fine. And deep down I'm crumbling in my own issues. What do I do? I have no other friends to lean on and my partner doesn't know what to say or do to help

Being responsible

replies: 1

My daughter 25 has depression. She always looks tired like she's taking sleeping tablets and i do ask if she's has taken anything which she replies "no". She has lost weight and very drawn. She doesn't work anymore and will stay in the couch to watch tv. My question is that when she lets the dog in for company there was mud prints on the furniture and cushions and we end up cleaning it. Is this irresponsible with no repect for other people's property or part of the depression. The dog is a large Labrador so can be messy. Just need to know so we can address this correctly

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

stuck overseas as a carer, feeling isolated replies: 12

Depressed partner won't get help! replies: 3

Is your Partner Supportive of Your Depression/Anxiety? replies: 19

Helping husband when he doesn't want help replies: 4

The frustrated carer replies: 7

BPD girlfriend replies: 4

Overseas Friend ignoring messages replies: 1

Depressed Wife, Looking for support/advice replies: 4

2 friends both with depression how can it work? replies: 3

Being responsible replies: 1