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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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x_Aussie Long Distance Partner Depressed & Pushing Me Away - HELP.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over 3.5 years now. I am in Australia while he is in America, so at times it has been very tough. My partner wasn't open about his depression straight away however, in time he did share it with... View more

I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over 3.5 years now. I am in Australia while he is in America, so at times it has been very tough. My partner wasn't open about his depression straight away however, in time he did share it with me and told me that he had tried to take his life twice. I was shocked obviously. Besides the fact that depression and suicide are such serious matters, it really shocked me that he would be going through something like that. He's funny, smart, caring, passionate, and strong and I guess I just didn't see it coming. In the last year or so we have had some ups and downs with it. We have taken some time out on talking to each other so he could get his mind right, and he also admitted recently that he tried to take his own life again towards the end of last year. I am the only one who knows, he reuses to tell anyone from his family, and refuses to seek help as he believes nothing will make things better. He is known to drink to try to ease his pain, and he has had a lot of that throughout his life so I can understand why he may feel down after everything he has had to go through. I try to be there for him as much as I can and I always send him encouraging words but sometimes it just goes unnoticed. At times I struggle with my own issues (mainly my self-worth) so when he doesn't feel like talking or is short with me through text etc. I can take it personally as if he's getting over me and the relationship and that i'm not good enough for him. I find that he seems to be happy and fine posting online and communicating with others, but that it's different when it comes to me, but I suppose he may just be acting like that online to hide how he actually feels inside. At this moment we have hardly spoken all week and when I asked if everything was okay he said it was. After a couple more days he said he didn't feel like talking and I said I would give him some time. I just worry about him so much because no one over there knows what he is going through, and I feel helpless being on the other side of the world. I don't know what else I can do. I haven't discussed this with anyone else, and I haven't told him either as I don't want to make him feel like he's a burden and that his depression is getting to me as well. I would do anything for him and I will support him throughout his issues, but currently I just feel completely lost. Does any one have any suggestions for me?

ConcernedSister_ Brother with severe clinical depression - will not tell anyone - I'm terrified for him
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, around 18 months ago my older brother confided in me that he had been diagnosed with severe depression. At the time he had been suffering for around 12 months and had been taking antidepressants for around 9 months. He is in his early 30... View more

Hi Everyone, around 18 months ago my older brother confided in me that he had been diagnosed with severe depression. At the time he had been suffering for around 12 months and had been taking antidepressants for around 9 months. He is in his early 30s, in a long term relationship and does not have any children. My biggest concern is that he does not want to tell anyone about it. I have suggested that telling our parents would help to build a support network for him but he is frightened that by telling them (our mum especially) will cause her to worry too much. I am terrified that he will get to the point where he can no longer cope... i understand that it is not my place to tell anyone and break his trust, I just don't know what to do. I'm hoping someone can help me, I get so worried that I breakdown in tears at times thinking about how he must be feeling. Each time I hear or read about another sufferer who has taken their own life it increases my anxiety over the situation. please, any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you x

RQT I love man with ptsd who is detached and numb. Does that pass?
  • replies: 7

18 months ago I fell deely in love with a man who suffers ptsd. He and i bared our souls to each other. We were very happy and in love. Over the last 6 months he has become detached and numb. I am fighting hard to save our relationship. He wanted to ... View more

18 months ago I fell deely in love with a man who suffers ptsd. He and i bared our souls to each other. We were very happy and in love. Over the last 6 months he has become detached and numb. I am fighting hard to save our relationship. He wanted to end it recently as he feels so guilty about not being able to feel his love for me as he once did. It broke my heart. Even though he says he wants to finish things, he keeps in contact and tells me how much he will miss my support and company. That he would do anything to feel that love he had for me again. Has anybody out there experienced this? With love, support and professional help can a ptsd sufferer reconnect with their emotions?

Stockholm Husband with NPD
  • replies: 18

After over 36 of marriage I know I have hit yet another wall in my struggle to cope with a husband with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I after building defences against 'eggshell walking'. I did think I had clambered out of this hole only to find... View more

After over 36 of marriage I know I have hit yet another wall in my struggle to cope with a husband with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I after building defences against 'eggshell walking'. I did think I had clambered out of this hole only to find that the next hole is deeper.I hear you ask, why do you not leave him? Several reasons:1) he threatens to kill or harm himself and the fault would be all mine. I would never seen my grandchildren again. They would hate me. Is this emotional blackmail for real? Yes. 2) I had (over the years without realizing it) become dependent on this man in an emotional dance where he holds all the strings = Stockholm Syndrome/dependency. He was diagnosed in 1999-2000 but I was assured (& in my love and empathy for him) that these 'types' get better with age. No they do not. Forever to my shame - & not that he would ever get help himself because everyone is wrong and he is right ~ I thought that love and reason who 'cure' him. It did not. What a fool I am.3) His need for attention is very deep. Whilst I was undergoing brain tumour surgery in 2009, he would ring one of the many female stand-bys he has if I cannot give him the attention he craves/needs. He chooses days like anniversaries etc to have psychotic rages where he destroys my things (never his) so that I do not receive any attention from anyone else. The next day, in his mind what he did does not exist - never happened. 'Its in the past'. Its all my own fault.When my father died suddenly too young & my grief was deep his need for my full attention to be solely on him had him end up in hospital after an attempt to cause harm to himself but again it's just another attempt to be in spotlight. I had to hide my grief. The Dr at this very good Psych. Hospital observed him, spoke to him and then spoke to me and advised I seek Psych help for him with the NPD diagnosis.He never did.Anyway, even typing this means that someone 'out-there' is reading and knows and this enables me to continue. I have noticed though, that I am MUCH stronger (psychologically) these days and this fact concerns him which is puzzling to me. I show this strength now when he threatens violence/rages.Another facet of this disorder is that he never ever wants bad news because 'something' has gone out of his control ie: like a flat tyre etc. Control over everything is essential to him. If there are any other spouses/family members out there that have to cope like this, any words of wisdom? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636

RJ25 Help! New relationship and he's pushed me away. Need advice.
  • replies: 6

Hi, I have been dating a man for 5 months. We both come from previous broken relationships and have our own 'baggage' but he has told me that he suffers from depression and he always gets worse around christmas time. Our relationship has been going a... View more

Hi, I have been dating a man for 5 months. We both come from previous broken relationships and have our own 'baggage' but he has told me that he suffers from depression and he always gets worse around christmas time. Our relationship has been going at a steady pace for the last few months as we are both cautious but a couple of days ago he played the 'i just want to be friends' card. Obviously I respect his decision, however, I'm having real trouble accepting it because this has happened before and it boiled down to his insecurities, him thinking he doesn't deserve me, he doesn't want to be a burden on me, and he's told me that his feelings toward me scare him and it's easier to pull away than to trust someone with his heart. In the past we have worked through his (and my own) insecurities as we have amazing communication but this time it feels different. He's stopped calling/texting as often and has said that he just needs some space as he wants to be the right person. I've never pushed anything onto him and I feel that i'm very understanding and supportive of everything he asks, however, this is starting to cause me some anxiety and I really find myself lost with what to do. I've told him that I want more than just friends but I am happy with his decision for now as I don't want to put unnecessary stress on him over this christmas period. But how do I cope? I want to be able to spend time with him as this will be my first christmas period without my own kids (due to separation) so hoped that I could spend time with the man i care about. I feel selfish that I want that and know that if i tell him then it will cause more stress on him. I care for him a great deal and don't want to walk away and I honestly believe that he feels the same way and is just doing this as a defence. How do I support him during this time without suffocating him and pushing him further away? If I give him everything he wants, am I enabling his behaviour (not depression) to some extent? Is it ok to tell him that it's BS that he thinks he isn't good enough for me? How do I convince him otherwise? A couple of close friends have said to walk away but I really don't want to do that as I can see a future with this man. I'm also not the type of person who turns their back on loved ones when things get a little rough. Any insight would really be amazing! Thanks all. x

sapare Supporting a bipolar partner who is not the father of my spirited daughter
  • replies: 4

Every day is a battle working between the two of them. I am due to have another baby in a few weeks, and find it very difficult to do much without some physical or practical support. Partner is struggling with insomnia and only getting 2-3 hours of s... View more

Every day is a battle working between the two of them. I am due to have another baby in a few weeks, and find it very difficult to do much without some physical or practical support. Partner is struggling with insomnia and only getting 2-3 hours of solid sleep in the night; his bipolar means there's no telling how he's going to feel one day to the next. Daughter is highly spirited; there is a lot of ugly tension with her father and the other family, and there is no communication surrounding her behaviour and how we can facilitate it. Of course, the usual issue of "is this normal toddler behaviour?" keeps arising; partner is convinced that she has intense behavioural issues due to her father and her father's family having ASD. Feeling ravaged. Can anyone provide suggestions?

AnitaVD Sibling of Bipolar
  • replies: 4

Hi I was wondering if any other families are out there that struggle with a sibling/daughter who has bipolar. Ever since I was five (she is 12 years older than me) I've had to deal with her struggles and what happens to a person with bipolar. She was... View more

Hi I was wondering if any other families are out there that struggle with a sibling/daughter who has bipolar. Ever since I was five (she is 12 years older than me) I've had to deal with her struggles and what happens to a person with bipolar. She was my best friend. There were always appointments and episodes because she had severe reactions to the meds, either too strong or didn't suit her body. Constant visits to psychiatrists and Drs, and alot of hospitals visits from various reactions. We've tried for many years to be supportive and adapt to her needs. Once she got married we still carried on being supportive, We've always had a mindset that if you have asthma, you treat it, if it is diabetes you treat it and same goes with mental illnesses you treat it. But once she got married her husband and herself decided to go off meds cold turkey, I get that she wanted to be a mum, but did she have to go about it this way. However, my sister has been causing a whole lot of trouble between out family it is heartbreaking. It has been going on for coming up 18 years. She has lied, has said that my family has done things to her which aren't true (there's five of us) she has manipulated and divided the family (fortunately not between my parents and other 3 siblings and I, if anything we have bonded more than ever) My mum and dad are devastated. Mum's family are spreading rumours about what they've have supposedly done. Mum has challenged them and said if you think we have done something call the police. How can I help them deal with this. i love my parents with all my heart, they are such wonderful, kind and caring people, and they are getting older (72). They should be enjoying their last part of their lives not dealing with this rubbish and having their heartbroken I'm one of their support person's and I'm finding it hard to deal with. We're not sure who to turn to as we're fast losing trust in everyone. I have no respect for my aunts, uncles and cousins any more. Where I once looked up to them. I've started to become anxious myself where I do not like going out anymore in case I bump into these people and cause a scene of sorts. I'm worried I'll pass on this to my 2 beautiful children. We're at our wits end. Can you please help?!!! Any suggestions would be lovely. Cheers

Bananas19 Advice for supporting partner with depression
  • replies: 3

Im the 8 yrs ive been with my partner he's had some ups and downs but he is nearly at Rock bottom now now and we have a 4 m/o daughter. After she was born I convinced him to go to the doctors for some help because I believed he is depressed. Looking ... View more

Im the 8 yrs ive been with my partner he's had some ups and downs but he is nearly at Rock bottom now now and we have a 4 m/o daughter. After she was born I convinced him to go to the doctors for some help because I believed he is depressed. Looking back He was generally happy go lucky, life of the party, spent most of his time drinking with mates and also working with them. He sadly lost his mum 4 yrs ago and 6 months ago had a falling out with his brother over the will to the point where they have now not spoken since then and they havent met our bubs which makes him feel like he doesn't have any family left-just us. I am a very family oriented person and we do our best to make him feel included. I guess I'm just struggling to support him and a baby now and I hate this but my priority is her and my patience is as high.He sleeps for days at a time, breaks phones, punches doors, doesn't go to work (lost his latest job which was 7.5 hrs a week) won't do anything around the house unless he is feeling good etc. He got prescribed AD 2.5 months ago but stopped taking them as he didn't think he needed his "chill pills". He didn't go to the psych appt the GP made for him. I leave the house with bubs bc I don't want to watch him sleep and end up resenting him but he sees it as us abandoning him like everyone else has and "why don't we leave and take half his stuff". I go back to work in 3 wks and bubs will go into child care because what he doesn't realise is i cant just not go to work because he doesn't feel like getting up. It has put a huge strain on our relationship to the point where we are arguing lots and i spend a lot of time away from our house. He admitted last night after hours of crying that he is depressed, he doesn't care about himself-so why would he care about me, he doesn't want to see his friends (which i keep trying to encourage) because they have nothing in common, he doesn't like working, doesn't feel happy, just wants to sleep, has no family and most of all-just wants his mum. It's breaks my heart that I can't help him and he doesn't feel he is ready to get help because he doesn't want to talk to someone as that makes it worse. He self Medicates with alcohol and weed and can't see that that is heightening his emotions. Rrally sorry for the long post but at my wits end and don't know what to do to help. I want my daughter to have-meet the happy go lucky guy I fell in love with. He says hes gone but surely he is still there somewhere...?

Ab66 Mother of a teenager with anxiety
  • replies: 8

My 15 year old daughter suffers with anxiety, but usually this is triggered by specific events and is reasonably manageable. 2 days ago she started shallow breathing and saying she felt like she was panicking but didn't know why. This continued throu... View more

My 15 year old daughter suffers with anxiety, but usually this is triggered by specific events and is reasonably manageable. 2 days ago she started shallow breathing and saying she felt like she was panicking but didn't know why. This continued throughout yesterday - we wondered whether it was a kind of asthma (my husband and other members of his family are asthmatic) and tried ventolin to no avail. The shallow breathing continued into the night and has only stopped when she (finally) fell asleep. Going to bed was an ordeal, with her becoming very agitated and saying she couldn't get comfortable and thrashing about. She calmed down at the suggestion of sleeping on a mattress on the floor in our bedroom, but continued to shallow breath once there until she fell asleep. There was no apparent trigger for the panic attack - it followed a relaxed family outing that we'd had and which she really enjoyed. Not sure what to do or what advice people can provide. The experience last night was quite distressing. She's already on anxiety medication to control headaches and assist with sleep- don't want her over medicated.

BPB Support Group in Adelaide
  • replies: 1

Is there a support group in Adelaide for victims of abuse from family members who have Mental Health issues?

Is there a support group in Adelaide for victims of abuse from family members who have Mental Health issues?