Adult son with ADHD/anxiety/depression/substance abuse

cancerianmoon · ‎27-08-2017

Thank you for sharing your story JPH68 as mine is very similar. My son is 27 and has recently come to live with me away from the city in a largish regional coastal town. The hope was that he would cope better with the slower pace which would help him get his life back on track. In reality I'm at my wits end. Diagnosed with ADHD at 7, leaving school in Year 10, he has worked as a chef ever since, struggled to make/keep friends, he gets jobs easily but can't keep them. He has a heart the size of this country, is super sensitive. He is estranged from his only sibling and so I'm his only support. Over the past 8 years or so he has lost 4-5 friends to suicide. Until recently he refused to have any type of therapy which he had a lot of as a child until he refused. He has recently started seeing a counsellor irregularly which I don't believe is enough. He is on a waiting list for a psychiatrist. He self medicates with anti-depressants and/or alcohol. I'm constantly shadowing him and at times feel as though I'm on suicide watch. Last week I called the Acute Care Team as he told me he recently attempted suicide. He has also told me he thinks about death daily and has done for years, even the methods he would or would not use. He was given an appointment by the ACT however the day before this he refused to go, so I cancelled. He then said he was in a mood and would like the appointment after all. I have told him he needs to make this call himself. His father and I divorced 20 years ago and don't really get on however he came here for the past few days after I made an emergency call. I'm not sure my son wants to get better, admitting he is running away from himself and even though he says he hates the person he is. I've tried encouraging him to do the things he loves e.g. fishing however I know getting motivated is a struggle as he is in such a dark place. There are times when I tell myself to just become resigned to the fact he will probably not make it to 30. He's an adult but I feel the need to mother him like a child. He wants his own apartment however I worry this would be a disaster for many reasons I won't go into. He does not drive and knows no one here. I work full time. He shuns the idea of medication, because he says 2 friends died after stopping their own meds, yet he takes other medication which terrifies me and turns him into a zombie. I just don't know what else to do.

cancerianmoon · ‎03-10-2017

Hello White Rose,

Something my psychologist said to me recently had me thinking: he said that feeling hopeless is not "reality" but a symptom of depression. At the time I struggled to get my head around that and had to disagree, explaining that I'd looked for options and could find none, therefore feeling hopeless was in fact my reality. In hindsight, I can now see that we never know what is around the corner and that hopelessness is temporary and will pass. Whilst my son's journey to good health will no doubt be bumpy, he told me the other day he has chosen to live. Those words have given me hope. XX CM

Guest_128 · ‎03-10-2017

Hi Cancer,

That was so beautiful to read your post.

Dory😘

Guest_128 · ‎14-10-2017

Cancer are you ok?

Dory

cancerianmoon · ‎19-10-2017

I'm ok Dory, thanks for checking in.

I was on leave last week and went to the city to visit family and friends.I hadn't been there for a while and loved it.

I caught up with friends and spent lots of time with my baby grandson - he's almost a year old already! I also caught up with my younger son and he seemed much better than when he was living with me. His GP asked to meet with me and his dad, plus my son, which we did, with the plan to set him up with a psychologist and psychiatrist and attend AA. My son really likes the GP and his dad and I did too, so I felt confident.

I'm not sure what's happened but I spoke with my son yesterday and he was anxious and paranoid. I contacted his dad who confirmed he'd been like this for the last 24 hrs. Apparently he has an appointment with the GP tomorrow. I really hope he goes.

Part of me feels that he really doesn't want to get well, that he tells me what I want to hear. His dad and I can't do anything now, it's up to him. He has support all around him but just won't take it.

So I'm feeling pretty flat, "resigned" describes me right now.

I'm really tired and am going to try and sleep.

Thank you for caring xx CM