Adult Child of Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder

[MissScooby]

I'm 22yrs and currently at uni. My mother was diagnosed with BPD 7yrs ago, and after a few weeks long stay in an inpatient facility she was doing really well, no suicidal thoughts and fairly stable moods and relationships. However, last October she was admitted again for a number of weeks for suicidal thoughts. During her admission we realised that she had not been taking her medication, not just the ones for her BPD and depression, but also for her diabetes. I'm worried that she is seriously not looking after any aspect of her health. I've tried discussing my concerns with her, but she gets upset and angry, seeing it as a personal attack and denies any issues.

Is there anyone else who is in a similar situation of having a parent with BPD? And do you have any advice?

[Fairywings]

Hi there lovely and welcome. I don't have a parent with bpd i have bpd amongst depression and bipolar disorder. I can relate to the way ur mother is behaving bc that's what bpd does to our minds it distort things. So what u would c as what she sees is totally different. Undeniably that is her way of reaching out to you by displaying the opp and again i want you to know bpd will def make ur mum behave in this manner. I would see if someone can be with her during the time when she needs to take her meds bc by not taking them she will only become worse off and it looks like she cannot really be left unattended during this vulnerable time of her life. I'm medicated and have been for the last 16yrs bpd is a monster just like any other in its mental illness classification 😢 she needs to get back onto her meds so she can start to get better again xx please keep in touch with us Venessa

[Cornstarch]

I don't have any direct lived experience with BPD, I don't even really know how it manifests and what the daily struggle is for a person living with it so I won't patronise you or your Mum. All I know is that it is a dreadful name and out of respect for that person it should be changed. For gods sakes it's an awful name.

But I do have many many many years and many many many tears of experience with someone that lacks personal insight and cannot see the horrible truth of it all and that indeed they need help forever. It's heartbreaking.

The advice I have is probably not what you want to hear. You may possibly be in for a very long ride. I hope I am wrong. Maybe it will be a very very long ride and you somehow have to sustain that. I am not saying this to scare you but you're a lot younger than me and the only way you can cope is sometimes doing horrible things like turning off your phone and just being with friends or by yourself in nature. I know that is a big ask because it is your Mum, that's where your life started so it pulls at the heart strings. But you simply cannot sustain this. You will burn out.

My siblings and I came to this gut wrenching place where we realised that love is not enough. We love our Mum so much and so deeply. But it's not enough. You have to pull away sometimes.

If your Mum has a partner I am also desperately worried about them and their mental health over the long term because how do they get a break? Sure, 3-5years may be OK. But + 5years and still no recognition that they have to meet you half way and seek professional help is very trying. Even if they're the strongest most resilient person in the world, it can break anyone. And not to mention it is very lonely. Lonely for everyone involved.

It sounds like she herself hates BPD and why wouldn't she. And she's in some sort of aggressive internal battle with herself. How you get someone to soften their heart to themselves......I do not know.

I just want to bury my head in the sand and pretend we are the only family with these sorts of problems.

Love to you, your Mum & to her partner if she has one.