Abused and blamed..again.

[Rhiannon1965]

The last 2 days he's been extremely tired and it's hard to know if he's like this due to working 12 days straight or due to him being unmedicated for over 8 weeks.

His original diagnosis after years of denial more than 10 years ago was major depressive disorder. Hes been on many medications of varying dosages, some with initial success. I am worried the Psychiatrist either has missed something is struggling to treat him or is being told half truths.

He says reason Psychiatrist stopped medication was because it wasn't working, says there is no more medication to try he's tried everything and nothing works and was told to try St Johns Wart instead. This i may add hasn't worked either. Since him stopping all medications i've also been told that his family don't care about him and only contact him when they want something, that i am the one causing him grief and that if i'd just get off his back things would be fine, and that the only reason i want him on medication is so he can put up with more crap and keep his mouth shut. Hes insisting i am picking on him claiming i am saying things to be critical and expecting too much. He now told me to keep the house he can't take it anymore and that my issues is i never do anything wrong. It's hard to love when you get treated this way.

I'm disabled and cannot work am in pain and recently out of surgery. He and his Psychiatrist chose the worst time to go off medication as i need support. Could he have been misdiagnosed? Why has medications been such an issue over the last 10 years? Is it wise for his Psychiatrist to have taken him off all medications? Does this Psychiatrist not understand the trauma it is causing at home? I worry how good he may be as he told hubby to get testosterone because he may be low and after bloods were done was on the lower end of the average scale. A chance finding of a condition called polycythemia (blood is too thick and adding testosterone can cause stroke or deep vein thrombosis) was found and he was refused testosterone yet after telling the Psychiatrist he told hubby to get natural supplements to increase testosterone because his GP had refused. The Psychiatrist is a body builder. His advice scared the hell out of me as it went against what 2 GP's had said not to do.

I'm at a loss of what to do and where to go and really struggling with the hurt and pain i feel and feeling so alone and rejected.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

We are mostly sufferers of mental illness ourselves. We would not be qualified to question a psychiatrists decision.

IMO medications or lack of them are often blamed for what is either personality or decision making. Medications don't for example force us patients to tell someone we don't love them anymore.

Medications can improve our quality of life for sure. Make us less Moody, less manic, less depressed, less anxious and less chance if psychosis. But we all know here you can't force anyone to take medication and your husband doesn't require himself to visit any medical person.

In the end, you need to make a choice if you can live with him or not. I feel most of your problems are relationship based. Ring Relationships Australia to seek counselling.

Tony WK

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

Are you sure he is a medical psychiatrist, not someone a counsellor of some sort being called a psychiatrist? It's also worth noting you only know what he tells you the psychiatrist has said. Likewise you don't know what he tells the psychiatrist about his life etc.

You're in a tough spot.

I don't know if this would work, but I've often attended the last 10 minutes or so of my child's psych sessions. You could say to hubby that you want to understand what's happening, and give your input on stuff like timing and such.

That you want to be more involved, as the decisions hubby and the psychiatrist are making also impact you, and you have an interest if hubby getting the best outcome possible.

Good luck, and make sure to keep venting here 🙂

[Rhiannon1965]

Thanks for your reply...yes there are relationship issues for sure however i am sure like other carers they too have relationship issues. His interpretation of how his family treat him, how i treat him etc...are to do with how hyper sensitive he is and how moody he is. He doesn't go out of his way to socialize with family unless i make arrangements and frankly he doesn't have any friends nor want to make any as he says he can't be bothered. I understand he doesn't like the feeling of medication but he won't make any changes necessary to assist himself neither. His earlier failures in cognitive therapy by some Psychologist near 10 years ago who he claims told him to leave me in his mind backup his argument it is all my fault. Hes told me everyone he's spoken to has told him i'm to blame so...This is a massive burden to carry and like i said it is hard to love someone that treats you as their wiping post. He blows stuff out of proportion exaggerates and uses the words 'all the time' 'everyone' 'never' and there is no boundary or limit to his words of insult. He doesn't regulate himself and i am worried it's going to be how it used to be where he'd head bang walls mirrors cupboards punch walls and damage the house as hes started slamming the doors again and has already accosted a neighbors visitor slapping their face for a burnout on our street. I am glad they didn't call the police. I'm embarrassed as he'd been better off getting their rego ringing the Police himself but seems happy that other neighbors came out to support him.

One Psychiatrist diagnosed him with Bipolar and had him taking one anti depressant but he wasn't happy with him so changed to the present one who said he wasn't and started other anti depressants. Prior to this a GP had been treating him with some medications some which caused mania and aggression.

The current Psychiatrist lastly had him on another anti psychotic med with no other anti depressant. I don't know why.

[Rhiannon1965]

Yes quite sure and i know what i am told may not be the entire truth and could be his version of what he hears. He even accused a Spinal Specialist of saying he has no issues with his back it was all in his head and i was there and this was not what she said to him. When i asked to go in his last Psychiatric visit i was denied. Our GP suggests calling and speaking to him myself but i am in great fear hubby will be told and all hell will break loose. I also know he will tell any Councillor or Psychiatrist his interpretation of events/relationships and this is what worries me. I am aware that a skilled practitioner will ask certain questions many different ways in order to get insight but there are many shoddy ones out there. I believe to get a well rounded understanding on a patients mental health is to have carers and partners involved. Our GP is concerned and would like hubby to make a long apt to discuss and get a copy of all medications over the years so a new referral can be made for another opinion. She also said i don't know what hes telling the Psychiatrist or if what i'm told is really what the Psychiatrist has said either.

I am shocked that as suggested to go off all medication and try St Johns wart instead as usually things such as this is possibly helpful for mild depression initially?

I do have an interest invested of him getting the best possible outcome and sadly he isn't a planner forgets to make follow up appointments and fobs off things until it has escalated and has become more difficult. Everything this Psychiatrist is doing and the decisions they make do impact on me also. Hubby tells me it isn't so that it only affects him.

He came home from an apt one time recently saying he was told to quit Saturday work as it's affecting his mental health. I replied sadly it was part of the job and what did the Psych suggest you do for employment instead? We can't afford him to not work Saturdays as some weeks he is only working limited hours due to lack of work as he is a casual. He refuses to take up study refuses to look for other employment and won't speak to his boss about not paying penalty rates as he insists he'll be sacked or not given the hours. Hes his boss only employee and was a neighbor years ago. I'd support him changing jobs or taking up study to better himself and look after his health but he is full of excuses.

I am in a tough spot indeed.