Tired of living but have to for my husband and kids

[Anna84]

I am so exhausted and feel like every day is a battle but I can’t talk to anyone because no body wants to listen to someone complain. Especially when there is nothing to complain about really. I’m tired of pretending I’m ok. I love my kids and my husband so much which is why I have to keep going. This feeling never goes away but some days or weeks are just harder.

[geoff]

Hello Anna, sorry I'm late in replying back to you.

What I mean is that when you start to tell someone that you may have depression, and that it's affecting your work, may be uni and/or how you feel about your family/friends, then they take over by telling you what's actually happened to them, by describing every detail, rather than listening to what you have to say.

So for example, if you say that your partner has done something awful to you, the person you are telling this to, then takes over and says my partner did exactly the same and directs the conversation entirely onto them, rather than listening to what you have to say.

Hope that helps.

Geoff.

[Bob_22]

Hi Anna84,

Thanks for your reply. No worries, we are always here to listen. I know you mentioned you cant imagine opening up to your GP but I might recommend doing this with a psychologist if you don't already have one. They are better trained when it comes to CBT, depression and communication and generally have more time in a session than a GP to flesh things out. If you don't have a psychologist you can always ask your GP for a referral under a Mental Health Treatment Plan which will provide 12 medicare subsidised sessions with a psychologist.

I certainly wouldn't say you have nothing to complain about. Reading your posts here its very clear that you have a lot going on and anyone in your position would be completely burnt out. And that's on top of any pre-existing mental health issues you might have. If I had a close friend or family member who told me they were experiencing what you're going through, I wouldn't think that their feelings are unjustified at all.

Bob 🙂

[therising]

Hi Anna

You sound like such a beautiful sensitive person. We need more people like you in this world, that's for sure.

I can relate to being a sensitive mum. My kids are 19 (girl) and verging on 17 (boy). Sounds like you feel so deeply for your kids. Do you feel their needs, their wishes, their pain, their achievements and so much more? Perhaps you'd feel even more if you weren't so exhausted. You sound so exhausted Anna, going out to work as well as working at home, on top of all the caring you do for others. I think it can be tough when you're trying to raise everyone around you, especially when focusing on all the ways you could be doing it better, on top of all that. The internal dialogue can get pretty dark and exhausting at times.

One revelation I had that kind of put things into perspective for me not too long ago was 'Who's raising the raiser of others?'. In my opinion, there has to be one or more people doing this. Not only can this help with exhaustion, being raised by others while you have a break, but it can also help with the internal dialogue to some degree. If you're the main one raising others to a smile and maybe some adventure, raising others to be more conscious, going out to raise some income, raising your family's physical well being through grocery shopping and cooking, raising some valid issues/challenges that need addressing and evolving through and so on, that's a massive job. It really is massive. Who helps you relax and recharge in inspiring ways, when you've exerted so much energy on a daily basis?

Can you think of anything that raises your spirits or used to raise your spirits that maybe you miss a little and need more of in your life? Can you think of a part of yourself you'd love to re-turn to? Maybe the adventurer in you or the rebel perhaps. Maybe there's a part of you that you've always longed to connect with, waiting for you to bring it to life.

[Algernon]

Friend, i feel the same. i am also on the hampster wheel 

[Bob_22]

Hi algernon, welcome to the forums. 

Thanks for the reply and sorry to hear you feel you're also on the hampster wheel. I hope you find this thread supportive and remember if you ever need to talk to someone please feel free to contact one of beyond blue's counsellors anytime by calling 1300 22 4636 or clicking here.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

If I knew the answers to your questions I would gladly share. It was my birthday a couple of days ago and before that day through now, I have at the low end. The thing is ... I don't really know what the cause is yet. Could be it an unconscious reflective thing where I think about what I have not done or accomplished? 

But that is the nice thing about this space (on the forums). You can say what you want and will not be judged by anybody. We are a product of our experiences from when we are born to now. 

So if you want to talk about what has been going on for you, this is a good place to start.

Now I have also read some of your other replies as well. And I hope you would know that you are both DESERVING and GOOD ENOUGH. And that is all we can be?

Listening...

[Sokun]

i feel the same

[TuesdayF]

I have been feeling the same. I wish I didnt have my family so I could exit stage left.

I love them and I have moments where I appreciate everything I have so much and I know I should be grateful but it is so hard living with this stain on my soul and I have to do it forever 😩

I have two young daughters (3 and 1) and a 17yr old, and my husband. I know they'd all be deeply hurt if I left especially I think the 17yr old as we've had so much time together and she has a very close friend commit last year so I feel like that would just be insensitive of me lol.

I hate having to exist. And I have to exist for so long. How do people do this for decades?

And please omg don't suggest taking a break lol 'have some you time relax' ok so I can stress about all the things that need to be done and then come back to a bigger mess yeah sounds very helpful lol

I don't hate my life and I just hate existing. 

[therising]

Hi TuesdayF

It's definitely tough, to say the least, when

1. taking a break means time to focus on all the things we believe we should be doing. Can involve a breathtaking amount of stuff sometimes (really can change your breathing while seriously triggering your nervous system). And the inner dialogue that comes from stressful and/or depressing sense of self can sound like 'You're so lazy. You know you've got stuff to do and you know it's going to pile up and here you are just sitting here doing nothing. You're hopeless in the way you just can't get your sh** together and you're always going to be like this'. Brutal depressing stuff, for sure. That part of us can be a nasty piece of work
2. you don't know exactly what it is you're missing or what's lacking in life. There are days where I wish someone would magically appear and say 'I can tell you exactly what's missing and gaining it will be mind altering and life changing'
3. waiting and hoping for change, for a difference you can finally feel. I've found waiting for others to change or for my life to change somehow just isn't enough. It's about taking certain actions but the question becomes 'What action/s am I supposed to be taking in order to feel a difference?'
4. being completely lost with no sense of direction. Definitely has a vibe to it. I'd have to compare it to sitting at crossroads in the middle of nowhere, desperately hoping someone will come along and give me direction. There can be times where I feel like I'm sitting in a heap at those crossroads, crying while desperate to move in any direction that'll work. Give me a person, a sign (post), anything. Just give me what will point me in the right direction

I've found, unless a depression I'm in is purely related to physical reasons, a lot of the time it's about missing or lacking the kind of things that stir the soul. Whether it's served through the kind of new and exciting stuff that's been missing from our life, served through some of the greatest most inspiring revelations we've ever come across or stirred by someone who knows exactly how to raise us out of where we find our self, 'simply existing' without those things can feel so heartbreaking, soul destroying, grief ridden and more.

[smallwolf]

Hi Soken, Hope you are doing OK?