Tired of fighting this battle.

[Beaser]

I hope im ok to post as ive posted so often on other  forums  but im feeling very desperate lately. 

Im just so tired of fighting. I left a job i was in for many years last year. I have since had some part time work that didnt work out.  Im lonely and going broke.  I was desperate and called triple o last week only to be left to my own devices again. I may be going into a facility called parc a non acute inpatient service but that thought scares me. I dont know how much more i can endure. I hope every one is well and thank you for reading      Brett

[Eagle Ray]

Thank you kindly Beaser,

I am definitely doing better today. The meds I am on are really starting to kick in now and I feel my mood lifting and more balanced.

Yes, rivers are lovely. I'm so glad that you have the Murray River as your happy place. How beautiful to be camped by there with a fire. I have seen the Murray River at a couple of spots in South Australia. I have seen it at Goolwa and Hindmarsh Island, close where it goes into the sea. That was in 2001 when I was there with a friend. I also remember going across it on a car ferry in the town of Mannum in South Australia when I was a very young child. It's an incredibly huge river system and I'd love to explore more of it.

I hope you are going ok with the rest of this week Beaser. I'm trying to decide whether to get up for the dawn service in my town tomorrow, though I think I may need to sleep. Sending you much kindness and a supportive hug,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER

Im glad to read that your going a bit better i hope that is still the case. Its up and down i know only too well.  

Yes the Murray is a great Australian treasure so many great places along it and always changing. 

Ive been trying to get through my DSP application but now my Dr has taken next week off so that is a bit frustrating.  Nothing i can do about so i guess i just have to accept that its a big process. 

Im off to my hospital shift this morning so that should be good. 

Sending my best wishes and hoping all is good for you.

Beaser 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Beaser,

My mental health is better but, yes, it can be an up and down thing. I’m just a bit physically unwell since last night which seems like a virus I may have picked up from my friend’s little girl, or just simply being in the city with so many more people. I enjoyed going to my friend’s little girl’s playgroup yesterday and spending time with the little ones and helping out there. I’m enjoying time with fluffy cat too.

I hope you enjoyed your hospital shift yesterday. Hopefully you’ll be able to get the ball rolling with the DSP soon. If it’s the same as when I did it, I think your psychologist will need to do a report too. I filled out my section on the paper version and then used that to guide me doing the online version. With the online version you can upload your documents such as the GP and psych reports. I also had a report from my disability employment agency. You can submit it either online or the paper version.

I just let fluffy cat in who did zoomies through the house. It’s good here as she can be in the front and back courtyards where she finds hidey places she likes under plants. Yikes! She just jumped on me unexpectedly as I’m typing this. She’s such a fluff ball with luxuriant fur.

I hope it’s been a good week Beaser and sending you best wishes. Have a lovely day,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER.

I hope that your feeling ok after your virus they can be hard to toss at times.

I had a bit of a rough weekend . I bumped into an ex workmate on Friday night i really didnt feel up to talking to him as it can trigger me and it did do that. Hes a nice guy but i just dont want to hear about my old workplace. Its hard enough seeing them around at times when i pass there vehicles.  Its just a very hard thing at times. 

I have my phsycologist appt this afternoon so i will talk about that to him.  Its probably good timing to have that today.  I feel i need to talk over a few things and get my DSP stuff done with him as well.

I hope youve been going ok ER always good to talk.

Beaser 

[Eagle Ray]

Thanks Beaser, yes, I’m doing ok. 

It can be hard sometimes bumping into someone from the past and being triggered. I can understand as I am sensitive like that too. I find sometimes it helps to find a distraction and absorb myself in something unrelated afterwards that I enjoy doing. It kind of changes the energy of how I feel. It might be something like going and doing photography out in nature for me. Or the other night I went to a meditation and talk by a Buddhist monk and I felt very different coming out of there than I did when I went in. I had actually been triggered myself by something that happened the night before and I found going to the meditation and sitting with other people in a peaceful setting changed how my body felt which in turn changed how my mind felt. I wonder if there is something that could shift the energy of how you feel when there’s a trigger? It’s definitely worth looking at some strategies with your psychologist. I hope it all goes well with the DSP preparation too.

Take care Beaser and I hope you have a lovely day,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER and friends. 

I had my volunteer shift yesterday . Its been a great thing for me and the interaction is great.  Im just feeling a bit upset that they want to change my shift from 2 people to 3 .  I have a great friendship with my offsider and im scared that the changes will effect this . I dont see a need for a third person and think its just change that isnt needed. 

Why is it that when ever something goes well someone thinks they need to change things it frustrates me. 

I feel if it doesnt work i will need to look else where for opurtunites volunteering. 

I guess this sounds like im complaining but i dont handle change to well.  

My best wishes to everyone.

Beaser.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Beaser,

I know change can feel anxiety inducing, but see if you can see that it might be a positive experience. You may really like the new person. They may be someone who was just like you, looking for a volunteer opportunity where they can belong and contribute. So perhaps you may be able to reframe the situation and see it as an opportunity to welcome them and have a role in helping them learn in what will be a new environment for them (assuming they are not a volunteer there already).

I would say just see how it goes and not go to an outcome in your mind where you think you will have to leave. I imagine you’ve built up a sense of security and familiarity there and I can understand how you want to keep that feeling. But a new person does not mean things will all go wrong and much may actually go right.

One thing I have learned is that change is inevitable in all areas of life. Nothing stays exactly as it is for ever. So this does require making some mental adjustments to newness at times. But if you think about it, all good experiences happen because there was a change. So you going to work at the hospital was a new change for you and you enjoy it and it’s worked out well. If you hadn’t tried that new opportunity you wouldn’t have that experience.

So I wonder perhaps if you can see the arrival of a new volunteer as an opportunity rather than a potential threat? See if you can embrace it as an experience? Sometimes when you feel more open in this way your whole body starts feeling better and you just feel more open to and connected with the world. I have a lot of fear reactions in my body so I do know it can be hard to do at first, but I have found the more open I am able to be the easier things tend to flow.

I hope maybe that helps a bit. Take care Beaser,

ER

[Beaser]

Thanks ER and nice to hear from you.

You are right about change . I know that things always change and often you can look back at it as a positive. 

I had a good day yesterday as i managed to get in and see my old friend who has had the stroke. 

I was worried about how i would handle it but to see the look on his face when i turned up was priceless.    I feel that now ive been to see him it will be easier to get there next time .  

I know a few people who have had strokes some worse than others its a terrible thing to happen to a person. 

I hope all is good for you.  

Beaser

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Beaser,

That’s great you got to visit your friend who had the stroke and lovely how happy he was to see you. Yes, strokes can have a huge impact on someone and the symptoms can vary from person to person. It’s good that you know how your friend is and you can feel it will be easier to visit him next time.

I’m going ok. I did EMDR with my psychologist for the first time today and it went really well. I was a bit scared to try it before but it was very effective at processing some stuff.

I hope you have a lovely week ahead,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER and all i hope everyone is going ok. 

Im starting to get a bit stressed about next week as i have my Centrelink interview re my DSP application.  I know that we all have to earn our way and support ourselves. 

Im 59 and have always done this so i guess if they pressure me and it all gets too much i can tap into my super funds any way so im not in too bad a spot.  

Its just the pressure of waiting and not knowing what to expect.  I have lodge two very supportive letters from my Dr and psychologist i really hope they help but from what i read at times from other peoples experience it may be still very tough.   

I wish everyone a happy and safe day. 

Brett