Tired of fighting this battle.

[Beaser]

I hope im ok to post as ive posted so often on other  forums  but im feeling very desperate lately. 

Im just so tired of fighting. I left a job i was in for many years last year. I have since had some part time work that didnt work out.  Im lonely and going broke.  I was desperate and called triple o last week only to be left to my own devices again. I may be going into a facility called parc a non acute inpatient service but that thought scares me. I dont know how much more i can endure. I hope every one is well and thank you for reading      Brett

[Beaser]

Hi ER 

I hope things are going ok for you.         Its been a bit of a rollercoaster this week .    I have an appt with my Dr today so im a bit nervous about that as i will have to talk to him about the DSP option.   I guess theres no harm in that.   

I also had some recent bad news about a child hood friend who suffered a severe stroke.   Ive only seen facebook posts of him but as far as strokes go it looks very bad.  I will try my best to go and see him .  

I have decided to drop my extra shift at the hospital as i find the extra shift itself a bit lonely sitting on my own for two hours . I just need to do what i can cope with .   

I find that when things like this challenge me i start second guessing myself about past decisions . I hope that things will change in that regard as days go by.  

I know youve had some tough things of late yourself.  How have you been going with things? Any trips to see your fur baby coming up.  

Best wishes for the day ER                       Beaser

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Beaser,

I’m really sorry to hear about your childhood friend. That would really be a shock. That is kind of you to think of visiting him. I imagine it may be a long road now in rehabilitation but hopefully there was a quick medical response which I think really helps with strokes.

I hope you had a good discussion with the GP today about the DSP, if you got to discussing it. There is certainly no harm in talking about it and looking at options. 

I do understand about dropping the extra shift at the hospital. In my last job it was mostly customer service which I liked interacting with people. But for a few months I was given a job on my own in an office there on Friday afternoons where I was completely separate from everyone. At first it was nice to have the peace and work on my own, but I soon realised I missed having interaction and it did get a bit lonely. So I very much get that being alone may not feel the best and it is important to do what is best for you. 

I will probably be looking after fluffy cat in June but it depends a bit on other things in my life too. I was actually doing pretty ok but I’ve had a very bad day today with anxiety and depression which is related to hormones, so it’s a very physiological thing but it leaves me feeling this awful kind of distress. I’m here on BB to try to take my mind off how bad I feel, but will try going to bed now. I’ve taken some meds that may help. It’s been a long road trying to treat this type of issue.

Anyway, I really hope the rest of the week goes well Beaser. Take good care of yourself.

All the best,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER.

Im very sorry to read that it hasnt been a good day for you .   I really hope you managed to get some good sleep and feel a bit better. 

I did speak to my GP about the DSP  he said he would support me with applying so im hoping for the best.  

I want to send my best wishes and and hope things are ok.

Beaser

[Eagle Ray]

Thank you Beaser. I managed to get about 5-6 hours sleep which is good. I feel slightly better.

I’m really glad your GP is supportive in relation to the DSP. I think you will need a report from your psychologist too, especially if applying on mental health grounds. You’ve been struggling for a while in relation to work so that can help Centrelink see that you’ve been trying but haven’t been able to. You can just see how you go if you apply and there is an appeals process if it doesn’t get through. Wishing you the best if you apply.

I hope you have a lovely day Beaser and hopefully some nice autumn weather.

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER and all.

Ive found the Easter period pretty tough .  I think that my loneliness and anxiety just seems to peak at these times .     I just get so much self doubt about myself.  

Im also very upset about my sick friend who has suffered a severe stroke.  I just dont know how if i can handle a visit at this stage . I think that sounds very selfish and uncaring .  I just dont know how to go about things.

I hope things are going ok for everyone.    Beaser

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Beaser,

You can choose not to visit your friend if you feel it is too much for you. I'm sure he has other support. We are all different in terms of the things we feel able to deal with, and also can vary at different times. If now is not the time, that is ok. It is not selfish or uncaring if it is something that you feel unable to do at the moment. I already know you are a caring person from the things you have shared here. You may be able to send him something such as a card or gift of support. As it is severe, I can understand it could feel confronting, but if it doesn't feel right for you that's ok. If you hear how he is progressing you may feel better seeing him a bit later on.

I think times like Easter and Christmas can bring out those feelings such as loneliness and anxiety. Is there anything you find you can divert your attention to at times that provides a distraction and helps you to feel better? I find focussing on photo editing helps me. I get so absorbed in it I can forget about everything else. In fact, I'm going to do some of it today. How is your veggie garden going? I hope you have had some yummy things to harvest in recent weeks.

Take good care Beaser,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi ER.

Thank you for the supporting reply its so good to hear from someone who understands that things affect me a bit more than perhaps other people. Youre right my friend has so much support and maybe there will be a better time for me down the track.

I off to do my short shift at the hospital today just two hours so im hoping that goes ok. 

How have you been over Easter? I know you said a couple of posts back that you were having some depression and anxiety.  Hope things are going ok for you ER.

Beaser

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Beaser,

Yes, it's totally ok to do what feels right for you. It's good to listen in to yourself to sense what feels right.

I hope you had a good shift at the hospital today. Two hours is a good amount of time that's not too long but long enough that you feel like you've had time to get through some things. The last volunteer work I was doing was usually about 2-3 hours at a time. That was good for me.

I am ok. It's been quite rocky at times. A lot of it is physiological linked to hormonal stuff, so it kind of goes out of my control at times. But I am coming through it now and I think the medication I've restarted is helping. I had a lovely walk by the river today. It was quite warm actually.

Have a lovely evening Beaser and day tomorrow too,

ER

[Guest_56045834]

We all need to have goals when we're in this state , something to be proud of look forward to if your in adle try have a look at what tafe courses are going grab one of there books that shows what courses are going and what jobs you can go for at the end of the courses.It really help when I new what jobs I could go for

[Beaser]

Hi ER.

Just hoping that you going along ok after the things youve mentioned. Im glad you had a walk along the river. Something about Rivers i find them peaceful  places. We have the Murray River here on our border i can honestly say it is my happy place when im camped by a fire up there.

Beaser