Tired of fighting this battle.

[Beaser]

I hope im ok to post as ive posted so often on other  forums  but im feeling very desperate lately. 

Im just so tired of fighting. I left a job i was in for many years last year. I have since had some part time work that didnt work out.  Im lonely and going broke.  I was desperate and called triple o last week only to be left to my own devices again. I may be going into a facility called parc a non acute inpatient service but that thought scares me. I dont know how much more i can endure. I hope every one is well and thank you for reading      Brett

[Beaser]

Hi ER

Thank you for your kind reply. Im sorry im as bit late getting back as i only just seen this message as it didnt seem to trigger an alert.

Yeh its tough when we are on our own with so many things going on.

You are right about past decisions as we  can only deal with what we are going through at the time.

Im just feeling so tired from it all at the moment . Maybe my mind is creating problems that dont exist.

I just want to be happy like the people i see in the street are, if that makes sense.

Wishing you and everyone a Happy and safe Day.    

Brett.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Brett,

Yes, it's hard when it all feels so tiring. I think what is increasingly helping me is looking back and seeing the things that have given me some energy and enjoyment in my life and those things that have been draining of my energy. I'm increasingly focussing more on what I enjoy, such as my interest in photography which gives me a sense of purpose everyday as I'm always thinking up new photographic projects I can create for myself.

I'm just wondering if reflecting back you can think of things you've enjoyed doing and that have given you energy, and then maybe trying to connect with those things again? I'm just wondering if that may open up connections with others too who have a similar interest. I know you have the footy that you're involved in, but I know it's also a balance too between being involved but also sometimes not feeling up to it too. I also find I need a balance between time with people doing things and time to myself.

I hope you are going ok and you always have us here to chat to whenever you're feeling down or just want a chat. Take care and I hope you are having a happy and safe day too,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi hope everyone is doing well.

I am feeling a bit distressed today.  I had a job knock back yesterday its  something i was coping ok with.    Then a former workmate came to my house after following me home from down the street. He was telling me about my old workplace and how he had returned from some long service leave .

I just didnt need to hear it as im trying to distance myself from it all.  He also aked me about what i was doing and whether i was on the dole.  I just dont wish to tell ex workmates about my situation as im sure it will become gossip .  My mental health has been very fragile over the years and ive done my best to get to 58 yrs old.  Ive never harmed anyone just myself. Do i need to have an answer for every one.

Best wishes to everyone for a Happy Day.

Beaser

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Brett,

I think it’s ok to deflect questions from someone you don’t feel like answering, especially as your current income situation is not their business. I think it’s fine to say something like “I’m just managing as best as I can at present” or something similar that can be said politely but lets the other person know you have a boundary around your personal information that you don’t feel like sharing.

As for gossip, I know it can be challenging to deal with when you are a sensitive person. I live in a gossipy small town and when I first arrived I expected to have a job here in 2-3 months. But my health collapsed, both mental and physical. In a town like this you are not seen as worth much unless you are viewed as a contributor. I tried hard to return to work and also did voluntary work in a neighbouring town in an area related to prior work. But I still have had to put up with judgements and snide comments from some townspeople. I’ve had to learn to become immune to these comments and know within myself that I’m a good person who has absolutely done my best. So I guess what I’m saying is you can know you’re doing your best Brett and what other people think really doesn’t matter. Just see if you can let go of whatever perceptions others may have of you (and sometimes we assume more negative perceptions exist than actually do as well).

I’ve also had some bullying from three people in the town recently. It definitely was upsetting. But I’ve just held strong within myself and stood tall, so to speak. I’ve been polite and straightforward to them if I’ve encountered them and I’ve found over time this seems to have diffused things. One of the neighbours yesterday spoke quite kindly to me for the first time in weeks. So I think when you value yourself and really care for yourself, it’s like others start to value you more too. It’s not always easy for us to care for ourselves in this way, especially if we didn’t get much encouragement and support when younger. But I think it’s a case of us giving ourselves the support that we may not have received.

So trust in yourself Brett. Recognise that you are of value and what other people think really doesn’t matter. I think the more we value ourselves, the more others will tend to value us and treat us more respectfully. You don’t have to answer to anyone else or justify anything about your life. It is your life to value and cherish for you.

I hope maybe that helps a bit. Take care and I hope you have a happy day too,

ER

[Beaser]

Thanks for your kind reply ER.

Im sorry to hear youve gone through some similar things.

Youre right about smaller towns people do tend to notice more about what you are or aren't doing.

As you said as long as your doing your best and not hurting anyone else then we can be ok with what we are doing.

I did my volunteer shift at the hospital this morning. It was pretty busy but i get some satisfaction from helping others and i my co worker is a good bloke and we have some good chats about footy and different things.

Ill still keep looking for some part time stuff at least its a productive thing.

Hope youve had a happy day so far. Always good to hear from you and thanks again.

Beaser.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Brett,

I’m glad you have the good co-worker at the hospital. I think it really helps having a few good people we know and remembering them too when we find things challenging and can know we have those good people in our lives.

Yesterday I went to put petrol in my car at the local servo. The ladies there are so friendly and one will come out and insist on doing it for you, like how I remember it used to be when I was a young child before everything became self service. We had a friendly chat and a laugh over some funny stories we got into. At times I have been feeling lonely in my town and then someone is kind and friendly like that and it reminds me of the good people still out there. Then as I was leaving I saw one of the neighbours in my unit complex walking home with his shopping bag. I know he doesn’t drive and it was cold yesterday so I stopped to give him a lift. He was grateful and we had a nice chat. He volunteers every weekday morning at the local school to make breakfast for the kids who don’t get enough breakfast at home.

So although some of the people in my town have been upsetting to deal with, there are these genuine, good people who remind me of reasons to feel better about life. I can tell you are a good and genuine person Brett, so I hope you can value yourself and know that you make the world a better place. I’m sure you are a great asset at the hospital where you volunteer and make a positive difference for others.

All the best,

ER

[Beaser]

Its interesting to hear you moved to a small town.  I have often thought of this as the town im in has grown so much and it actually makes me sad at times remembering what it was.

My family are originally from a much smaller town and i still have cousins and distant family there. I have often thought of moving there as i have fond memories from visits when i was young. 

The only problem being is i have my support network of friends and Dr and specialist here and i think i would crash badly losing them. 

I so miss those visits and happy days of country visits.

Brett. 

[Eagle Ray]

Initially I was really happy to move to a small town and preferred being here than bigger places. But over time I have started to find it a bit isolating and I feel like having more opportunities for connections with others would be helpful. So you may find Brett you are better off where you are with your support network being there. I’ve realised more than ever how important a support network is.

You could perhaps take some short breaks to the smaller town and spend some time there and see how it feels. It’s good you have some family there. But, yes, probably the most important thing is having meaningful connections with others and a system of support. I’ve actually been looking to move to a larger place because of feeling isolated even though it is beautiful here and I love being close to nature places here and the peace and quiet.

Going on a country holiday may be a nice thing to do to reconnect with those fond memories you have. I find getting away for a few days is really good for me.

Take care,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi  i hope everyone is going well.

Ive found myself not wanting to socialize in big groups anymore .    I went to a 60th yesterday at my local hotel.  Well they were a great group of people i just felt comfortable staying inside just talking to a few friends and not going outside where most people were. I have had a very bad week mentally and i worry that i may be coming reclusive. Its just that its hard for me at the moment to be in big groups. Im not sure if others feel this way.    Best Wishes   Beaser.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Brett,

I think it’s quite common for people to feel more comfortable with a few people rather than a big group. I know I tend to feel more comfortable that way. I also think that when feeling vulnerable it feels more comfortable just being with a few people at a time. So I think it’s very understandable if you’ve had a difficult week that you were preferring to be inside with fewer people. Large groups can feel overwhelming and be a kind of sensory overload too.

I wouldn’t worry that you are becoming reclusive. I think given your challenging week you were probably just feeling better not being in the big group. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s great that you went to the 60th and did get to talk with a few friends.

It took me a while to realise I didn’t like large parties. I would go because I was invited but would feel uncomfortable in that setting. But going out and spending time with smaller groups I like much more.

We are all different in what we prefer and we can change depending on the circumstances and over time too. There is definitely no right or wrong.

I’m glad you got out anyway and I hope this week is going better for you.

Take care,

ER