Tired of fighting this battle.

[Beaser]

I hope im ok to post as ive posted so often on other  forums  but im feeling very desperate lately. 

Im just so tired of fighting. I left a job i was in for many years last year. I have since had some part time work that didnt work out.  Im lonely and going broke.  I was desperate and called triple o last week only to be left to my own devices again. I may be going into a facility called parc a non acute inpatient service but that thought scares me. I dont know how much more i can endure. I hope every one is well and thank you for reading      Brett

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Brett,

Yes, I think go with what feels right for you. Hopefully it will be understood well and potentially even mean you are well supported in the role if you get it. It's not much fun trying to mask mental health struggles so it will probably save you energy and any stress trying to do that. And remember the positive attributes you have that make you an asset to a potential employer. Sending you best wishes and much encouragement,

Eagle Ray

[Beaser]

Interview next Thursday. Fingers crossed, Ill give it my best shot.     Brett

[Eagle Ray]

That's awesome Brett! I will be thinking of you and wish you all the very best.

ER

[Beaser]

Im starting to feel a little scared at times about the job.   I just worry if ill handle it ok and the thought of letting people down terrifies me. I hope its just a stage that i have to go through . I spoke to my DR about it and he was very supportive and happy for me.   Its just hard facing these things alone at times.     Brett.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Brett,

Try to remember how you’ve been enjoying the volunteer work you do there and that you have been fine with that. I think those of us who are sensitive with anxiety are the ones who can doubt ourselves, but we are often actually the most capable and responsible because we care about our work and doing a good job. Please don’t worry about letting others down. You are a good person Brett and see if you can have that trust in yourself. Sometimes finding ways to feel centred and grounded can help. For example, thinking of a place you love and feel connected in or a person you feel safe with and imagining their presence. That can be a resource that may help you feel less alone. I have faith in you Brett and believe you will be an asset to your employer.

Also, I hope you’re not reading my thread in this section as I wrote about my feelings in relation to hospitals in my last post. Those feelings are specific to my circumstances such as my parents experiencing medical negligence in hospitals and also I’ve had some distressing challenges with the medical profession. But those experiences are specific to me and my family. Most people go through their hospital stays without adverse events. I just hope you didn’t read my post and get worried from it. Caring and thoughtful people like yourself are really good people to be working in hospitals and make them a better place.

Like you say you are most likely just going through a stage of self-doubt. Maybe write down or think about all the things you’ve enjoyed with your work there as a volunteer and the reasons you are interested in the job as a way of reminding yourself why you were drawn to apply for it. Think of the positive benefits of work there including being part of a team and the camaraderie that comes from sharing that environment with others. I know those shared experiences of work have been really beneficial to me in the past - feeling part of something and that you are contributing in a team of people and making a difference.

 I’m glad your doctor is supportive and happy for you. I say go for it knowing you are of real value to your employer. My spirit is with you Brett.

ER

[Beaser]

Thank you ER.

Please dont worry i havent read your previous posts you speak of and im sorry that you've had some negative experiences . 

What you say is  very right about my positive experiences with my volunteering.   One thing that i guess plays on my mind at times is that i have had a life long connection with my local football club again in a volunteer role.  This job being weekend work would mean i would have to step back from that. Not having family contact it has been a bit of a lifesaver for me. Maybe i just have to make that break and hope that people understand . Its just a scary thing at times.       Brett.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Brett,

Yes, I can understand why it would feel like a big thing stepping back from the footy club. I’m quite sure they would understand because of your work shifts. You are certainly not letting them down in any way having given years of service.

I do understand about the importance of social connection with the footy club, that it can be like a kind of family connection when you don’t have a family of your own. I wonder if there is a way to still maintain some contact with them, even if not to the same extent as before. Hopefully if you start work at the hospital that will also be a source of meaningful social connection. I think the best workplaces are a bit like families. There are a bunch of different characters but you are all part of a team and have that shared experience.

 I would say just go one step at a time. See if you get the job and go from there. Like you I am on my own and I sometimes feel vulnerable in the world so I know how it can feel scary at times. But know that there are sources of support out there and you are showing great courage in reaching out into the world and making an effort towards this job. You deserve good things Brett so I wish you the very best and will be thinking of you on Thursday. Sending you very best wishes,

ER

[Beaser]

Hi again ER

Unfortunately  i pulled out of the job as i felt that i wouldnt be able to handle the weekend commitments. I spoke to my sister and she was concerned about me taking on the weekend commitments and especially losing that football connection that has been like family to me. I think she knows me and what keeps me going.

I hope i dont disappoint anyone with my decision as people have been so supportive.     Best wishes for a Happy Day            Brett.  

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Brett,

That is totally ok and you need to make the best decision for you. You absolutely have not disappointed anyone. Social connections are extremely important so I understand about the football connection. I am so glad you have a supportive sister who understands you. Whatever you choose to do Brett you are a kind, good person and deserve happiness and peace in your life. I hope you can feel good knowing you have made a positive effort to explore options and you’ve now identified the importance of the footy club in your life and to your well being. Good on you. Wishing you a happy day too!

ER

[Beaser]

Thanks ER.

The good thing is that i dont think i have burnt any bridges . The lady from the Hospital actually messaged me and said thanks for letting her know and to keep an eye out for things that come up in that area.   I will find it hard to explain to people my decision as i let some friends know i hope they understand.

Thank you again for your kind and understand thoughts.  Brett.