Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[youcantknow]

I feel the same way Byrnzzee! i wish it didnt have to hurt them to!

[Snowstorm]

There is nothing to keep me here

[Guest_672]

My beautiful dog jesse. I live for him and he lives for me. We have a very strong bond and i know he would not cope with anyone else. Plus i dont trust anyone else to look after him.

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone..

Im so very sorry to have read the last half dozen post to find out that you are all struggling so very much in wanting to stay alive...That so much deeply saddens me and I am certain anyone else that reads your words...

I have been where you are now..and am very grateful for a lovely women I spoke to on a mh lifeline..she stopped me from taking just one more step over the edge...

Please try as hard as you all can to believe that each day is a brand new day for us to try to bring positives back into our lives...family, pets and friends are wonderful and beautiful reason to want to stay...but the best reason of all is you wanting to stay and in believing that things can and do change, have faith in yourself, that your capable of doing it and you are not your depression, you are stronger then your depression...(which are our thoughts)....

From your very first post here, you have become very special, valued and cared for by everyone here...Please be very gentle on yourselves and never give up looking for some happiness...it’s their, with your pets, your family, your friends..they all unconditionally love you..

I wrote posted this earlier on in this thread...I would like to again...if that’s okay...
“What keep me her the.. beauty in our lives.”

The trees they stand so strong and tall,

Little creatures and birds you can hear their call,
look at the trees and hear the creatures,
Then look around and see earths features,
Theres hills and mountains , streams and rivers,
Peace and calm these waters deliver,
Green grass and flowers of every colour,
Sit on the grass then pick up a flower,
Smell the flowers, and saviour their fragrance,
Your heart and soul is beginning to dance,
Then look at the sky, the clouds you'll see,
Gently floating, changing shape, you'll see,
At night the sky lights up with stars,
The moon you'll find between these stars,
Shining brightly you can see there sparkle,
Your eyes will see something quite remarkable,
This is our earth, and our universe,
Where you are needed to complete this verse,
You are a part of this place we all call earth,
If you live in this place, feeling broken and hurt,
Then take the time each day, and study this place,
For there's beauty all around us in every place,
So why not stay and look around,
And see the beauty that you just found.
It time now for you to start,
To gather it up and place it in your heart.
Keep then safe and keep them sound,
All this beauty that you just found.

Grandy.......

.

[Doolhof]

Dear precious broken souls,

To all of you who are hurting and feel like you have had enough, I do so hope you can get through just one more moment, that somehow, somewhere you can find a glimmer of hope, a purpose, some meaning in the darkness.

Depression can be soul destroying, our minds can tell us that we have had enough.

I encourage you to take a deep breathe, then a few more.

Your mind is telling you that no one cares, that is not true. People do care how you are feeling. Even if they are strangers, like people from the ambulance service, the police or the hospital.

Owning up to your depression and suicidal thoughts may be tough, may make you feel like you are useless.

You are not! You are hurting. You need some help.

Please do not give up. Find ways to ease the emotional pain.

I know it can be a dark, horrid and sometimes terrifying place to be.

Help is there. Hope can be found. I have managed to survive, I hope you can too.

Wishing all the hurting souls a glimpse of hope that slowly grows.

Kindest regards from Dools

Dear Grandy, thank you for your lovely words and encouragement!

[smallwolf]

Hi Snowstorm (and anyone else),

Welcome to beyond blue. I hope you come back and read the kind words from Dools above.

At our lowest, we think there is no-one, that nobody cares about or for us. Our mind plays tricks on us. In the forum here you will find people who might have had similar experiences to you. And if not, everyone here supports each other, gives each other strength and encouragement. If you are looking for help, this is a good place to start. I hope here from you, perhaps more of your story and in writing here you might be able to lighten your load and find a glimmer of hope.

Peace,

Tim

[Shivvie]

The only thing so far that is keeping me from killing myself is that I want to see the end of my favourite novel series, which will be ending in 2 years. nothing else.

[smallwolf]

Hi Shivvie,

Hope you get to see this.... welcome to beyond blue. Not sure if you want to tell me here (or in the Cafe) or create a new thread but I would be interested in you telling me a little about the novel series. Hope to hear from you soon.

Tim

[bluegurl]

Not really sure what keeps me here, habit most probably. I have suffered from depression since 1975, now accompanied by panic disorder and PTSD. I haven't seen a reason to keep living for a long time. I will be 59 this year, and I cannot imagine why I would want to put myself through this endless crap for another 30 years if I have that much time left. I am estranged from one of my children, it has been six years now, and in that time whatever sentiment I had left in me is dead really. My other daughter lives overseas, but we chat regularly. I have five cats that I love dearly, and I am still in full time work even though that is getting harder all the time. I am constantly tired, probably burnt out. I don't really have friends any more, don't want them because people are such a massive disappointment. Life has lost all its meaning. The fact I have lasted 58 years on the earth is a bloody miracle. Testament to my never give up attitude, and meds that take the edge off. I have no suicidal plans, but I am just so, so soul weary.

[Moonstruck]

Dear Shivvie..... Like Smallwolf, I'd love to know what the novel is?

And Bluegurl...you sounded so tired, soul weary as you put it, in your post. Perhaps being estranged from one of your children has had a much bigger effect on you than you realise. Surely there is something you can do to bridge the gap....what have you tried? Sorry if I am making you feel worse here...forgive me.

I could feel your weariness coming through the screen...you described it well. Do you do any writing? even in a private journal? Perhaps write down how you are feeling...no one else will read it....it may help.

quite a few of the people on Forum here, I am sure won't disappoint you as so many others have in your life....they've been good friends to me.....please write again....you might find me on other threads too if you want to talk...I will be here...xo