Suicidal thoughts and Self harm.

[April4321]

Hi,

I don’t know where to start from. I still remember i first tried SH when I was maybe 7th grade? Everyone expected too much and i was not able to cope. Self-harming. Mom thought it was accident. I stayed quite. Self isolated from everyone after the incident. No one questioned. We moved to a different city then life was back to normal for everyone. I cried quietly everyday, no friends unless its a closest family friend. I can still count my friends in my hand. I pretended to be happy and fast forward 10 years later. My life wasn’t bed of roses but i was surviving with minimal nightmares. Then, i got legally married to a stranger whom i met 3 days before the date of marriage. He treated me well I wasn’t thinking straight my family loves him. I got pregnant, he asked me to abort , I agreed without asking further questions. I cried every night, i have nightmares but he is too busy to notice. Last year I tried again after staying clean for 10 years. Attempted suicide three times but i woke after 8-10 years like i was sleeping. No one noticed. I’m clean for nearly 10 months now. But suddenly i get strong urges, i still feel the pain, nightmares?, chills. my confidence has gone down hill since then. I get flashbacks every now and then. I shared with friend who asked me to seek help but then i lashed out at her. Idk why. I don’t know what I want to do i just want this pain go away.

[Sophie_M]

Hey April,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for reaching out tonight. 

We're so sorry to hear what you've been through and can hear how overwhelming and painful these moments were and still are. Congratulations on being clean for 10 months now, that is a massive achievement and would've been so tough with everything you're going through. We want you to know that you are valuable, and we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.
We've read that your friend has recommended you seek help. How do you feel about this?

We think this is a really useful suggestion and would also urge that you seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

[Here2Talk]

Hi April,

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. You have had very strong negative emotions. I don’t know if it would be of any use, but I am here to talk through anything to try and help.