Stuck in a cycle and afraid

[confirmed08]

Hey back again. it’s been a couple months now since I last posted and safe to say things have not improved, and in some aspects worsened quite a bit. my girlfriend of one year broke up with me in september and I’ve not been able to forget her ever since. this combined with year 12 exams really took it toll, and now I’m starting to lose sight of anything positive in my world. and I know that’s so selfish and I hate myself for being suicidal. I’ve got so much to be grateful for, so much more than many yet I don’t want to continue anymore. I contacted her for the first time in a month or so on boxing day and that only made things worse. she is so happy, she’s just got a car at 17, a new phone, she looks amazing. I’m happy for her, I always said I wanted the best for her and I did not matter. suppose I got what I wanted. can’t see an end to this cycle anytime soon, and honestly it’s hard to convince myself I’m worth the time and effort to fix anymore. it’s not worth, I’m too far gone, I’ve left it too late

[Sophie_M]

Hi confirmed08,
  Thank you for posting on the forums tonight. Our valued online forums community is a safe space for you to share your thoughts, seek and give support. We are very grateful you have done this today. We are so sorry to hear that things are not improving for you after your breakup. It sounds like things are especially difficult for you at this time as you are struggling to feel that you are worth the time and effort to break the emotional cycle you are going through. We want you to know that you are valuable, and we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
  Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.
  We hope you know that there is always help available to you. The Beyond Blue Support Service has wonderful counsellors available on 1300 22 4636 or you can get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.
  If ever you feel that you cannot keep yourself safe, please contact 000 (triple zero) and ask for the police as your safety and wellbeing is important.


We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

[geoff]

Hello Confirmed08, have you ever imagined that your girlfriend is now what she is, is because of your influence, but now taken that step upwards to go onto another life, so I wonder whether any part of this you feel you should be rewarded.

Please don't forget that at her age, 17, it's not unusual for people to get new cars as well as a new phone as they develop into adulthood as being part of life.

Remember your attraction to her you 'wanted the best for her and it did not matter' and again, you may have been responsible for this, and if this is correct, imagine the influence you'll have on someone else, that's to be proud of.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Chris_Tas]

Never too late.

I've had many attempts and I'm somehow still here and yet know others who have turned it around.

Personally I haven't and in all sorts of strife but no it's definitely not too late.

I wish you the best mate.

Chris

[yggdrasil]

Hi confirmed08,

Thank you so much for posting on here once again, it's always a really brave step to seek help. I'm sorry to hear things have gotten worse, but it's very common I think for things to get worse before they get better.

I really feel for year 12 students from the last few years. The pandemic has been an impossibly hard situation for you to deal with during such a high pressure time of your lives. Members of my family became extremely unwell during my final years of high school, and I dropped out mid-way through year 12. I went back the following year though, and now I'm a research scientist, so it's always possible to move your life forward bit by bit in the direction you want to go. You just need to take tiny little steps, and very slowly you can turn things around.

Have you ever spoken to a doctor about the way you're feeling? They will be able to help you set up a mental health care plan, which allows you to see a psychologist or social worker of your choice between 10-20 times a year for free.

There are many therapeutic models psychologists use to help you break out of circuituous negative patterns of thought and behaviour, like thinking there's no hope for your future. Have you heard of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or Schema Therapy? These are some of the most common ones psychologists talk about.

Thanks again for posting on here, and take care over the next few days.

yggdrasil

[confirmed08]

hi Geoff, thanks for the response

that’s a really good way of thinking about it, however, sadly she had told me she was falling into depression a couple weeks before our break up. I’ve blamed myself a lot for that and it seems as if she’s broken free of me and improved somewhat mentally. from the outside it looks like what I achieved was being out of her life to drop the burden off of her shoulders.

I also just feel a lot of jealousy and disappointment in myself with her having a car, I’m 18 so being a year older I feel I should be so much better than I am in every aspect of my life.

thank you again for your response, and sorry.

confirmed08

[confirmed08]

hey yggdrasil, thanks for the comment.

I’ve been seeing a psychologist since the break up, it just feels like I haven’t quite clicked with her. she’s very much focused on the logics of why I’m feeling the way I am as her expertise seems to be in cognitive behaviours. she gets me to do tasks and worksheets that I can never find motivation to complete which just makes me feel guilty and disappointed in myself.

my parents have suggested switching but I’m not sure if I want to keep seeing someone, it’s only gonna waste my time and their time too.

[confirmed08]

thank you so much sophie, and I’m really sorry for including the distressing message in my original post. I did not take what I was saying into enough consideration I apologise greatly.

[yggdrasil]

That's good your seeing someone, and sorry to hear it's not really clicking for you. I remember at your age I found all the worksheets and stuff silly and never wanted to do them, so I understand your lack of motivation! I do believe that gradually over time they do make a difference however.

I have also found though a purely "logical" approach doesn't work for me, and that I also need to do a lot of exercise and participate in other shared interest groups.

Have you ever played a team sport, or skated, or any other activity like that?

[confirmed08]

I can see that eventually they will help me, I’m sure, but I just can’t bring myself to do them it’s frustrating.

I’ve played tennis for a number of years now but I lost my motivation for it (not really due to the break up just lack of passion for it anymore). I was interested in playing soccer instead but not sure if I still want to.

I’m tending to avoid in person socialising at the moment. sometimes personal choice, other times like last night I just wasn’t able to go. trying to disconnect from my friends a bit, don’t really feel deserving of them nor do I want to trouble them with my worries.