Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising and Eagle Ray,

Thanks for your thoughts here. I think my problem is that I sometimes feel so depleted and exhausted that I have no strength, determination or even a sense of how I can help myself. My mind is seeing any little disturbance or misadventure as a huge whack to my capacity to cope. 

My mind goes from "this is unpleasant" to "I need to permanently stop this in a drastic manner, if I am not here it can not ever happen again!" I know my mind is wanting a way for the emotional pain to end. I know there are other options rather than a permanent one of no longing existing.

It is a matter of training my mind to look for options. Reminding myself it doesn't have to feel so dismal. Thanks for your suggestions. 

[therising]

Hi Doolhof

To say exhaustion is hard to manage can be a massive understatement. It can interfere with so much, including mental well being. People can give you 50 different suggestions when it comes to things to try that may make a difference. Then it becomes a mixed bag of the 20 things you try that make no difference, the 19 things you can't try because you're so exhausted and the 1 thing that will make all the difference but you can't figure out how to implement it or everything appears to be getting in the way of you reaching it in the here and now (like seeing the best mental health professional in a hurry).

Then there's a whole different category of things that work, which is often comprised of the most unexpected things, the kind of things you just don't see coming. Whether it's someone (even a stranger) who suddenly triggers a train of thought that's never been triggered or followed before or a life changing event that leads you to eventually become a whole different person or something else, you can be left wishing the unexpected would just hurry up and reveal itself. One for me involved a post natal group therapy session (among 6 sessions), after having my 2nd child. It blew my mind wide open in such an incredible way. It ended 15 or so years of long term depression. Another was more recent, with thanks to Tony (White Knight). He opened my mind to how depressing waiting can become. Waiting for things to change, waiting for people to change, waiting for myself to change had become some depressing form of torture I wasn't fully conscious of. I discovered waiting, in a number of ways, to be a significant trigger for me. Thanks to Tony I learned 'I am someone who can't afford to wait (under certain circumstances)'. I have to be doing something, no matter what, whether I think it's going to work or not. I can't remain simply hoping and waiting.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

I need to make a time with myself to sit down somewhere undisturbed to write down what is going on in my mind that is causing me such distress at times. I know part of it is work, self doubt, disbelief in my abilities and telling myself it is all too difficult to work out.

One step at a time though right!

Yesterday I had a chat with the work provided psychologist. Apparently we are able to have 3 free phone chats per year using this service. I had forgotten about it until someone reminded me. The man I spoke with was very calming, attentive, listened to what I had to say and had a soothing way about him. I made notes while we were chatting.

His main suggestions were to turn negatives to positives without too many ideas on how that is actually possible when struggling. I'm going to make notes in a book again about the affirming, positive, lovely, happy things that happen at work and try to find ways to deal with the unpleasant stuff.

Thanks for the reminder to be open to all kinds of opportunities and situations that provide achance to think outside of how my mind is already functioning.

I know I can be more proactive in helping myself and also realise some moments I may just have to sit a while, contemplate strategies and then try to find ways to implement them, even if it is minutely.

I'm very pleased with myself because I have started the process of seeking a volunteer position. I had an interview yesterday, now all the protocol has to happen.

There is so much wisdom, understanding, caring, compassion and encouragement shared on these forums. Thank you to everyone involved. 

Hope you have a lovely Easter weekend therising and all reading, regards form Dools

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dools

Congrats on calling the work support line and progressing your volunteer work.

I have two volunteer roles and I love the opportunity to “give back” to the community. It is very rewarding and with both roles I feel valued. I really hope you have a similar experience.

It will also help, no doubt, to create an identity beyond your workplace. Hope the formalities are concluded soon.

Happy Easter to you and anyone else who celebrates the holiday and may be reading.

Kind thoughts to you

[Doolhof]

Hi Summer Rose and all reading,

If you celebrate Easter, hope you had a lovely weekend. My Easter was quite different this year, I stayed with  and travelled back and forth for work. 

I'm trying to be more aware of unhelpful thoughts, to process them, consider how I might be able to change them and work out what might be more helpful. Just being more aware of when the mind is taking me on a potentially unpleasant experience is helpful.

Negative and horrid thoughts will come, I can't stop them, I can deal with them! 

At work it helped me to write down little positive and happy moments.

Thankfulness and Gratitude are attributes I am trying to increase and enhance.

Summer Rose it is wonderful you feel so valued in your volunteer roles. Congratulations to you and I hope you continue to grow and achieve in those positions, to feel recognised and part of a team. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dools

Thanks for your kind words. Volunteering really is good for the soul and our mental health. So different from the paid workforce in that, you can put your effort into something you care about, not what you might have to do to earn a dollar. And the people you interact with are generally like minded and grateful you’re there! The icing on the cake is the wonderful feeling of giving back to the community.

Gratitude really helps me deal with unwanted negative thoughts.    No matter how bad things feel there is always something to be thankful for, even if it’s just the arrival of a new day and the promise that brings.

Keep working at it, it helps. 
Kind thoughts to you

[Doolhof]

Hi Summer Rose,

I'm looking forwards to the volunteering, once it starts. Seems there is quite a process to get the ball rolling. I have been told the place has been looking for volunteers, so hopefully it will all go well.

At work, I have started up another gratitude/thankfulness diary to write little bits and pieces in regarding what has gone well or things that are worth remembering. Even a staff member walking pass and saying "Good morning" can make a difference.

I'm trying to be more thankful in general and have realised how easily and quickly the mind can have one unpleasant thought and keep adding to it.

Last night while washing the dishes my mind was wandering to dark thoughts that were not at all warranted and didn't need further consideration at all. Just junk from the past. I started thinking of fruits and vegetables for every letter of the alphabet. Some letters of the alphabet stumped me. 

My mind was distracted, I used my brain cells for something more beneficial and had the dishes done in no time!

Our minds certainly are powerful things!

Wishing you and all a wonderful day.

[Doolhof]

Really feeling frustrated with this volunteering business. Lady told me it could take a couple of weeks to get the paper work started. She had told me they organise the police clearance.

Yesterday she phoned me stating it could be several weeks before I start and I also have to organise the police clearance on line through their agency! This means starting up a new program on the computer and goodness knows what else.

It all seems too difficult!

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dools

I hear you!

Had to go through the same thing with the police check and get a Working with Children Check—even though in both of my roles I never interact with children. It’s mind boggling, really.

But one it’s done, it’s done. Good luck with it all.

Kind thoughts to you 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools

I guess it comes down to how much you feel you want to do this particular volunteer work. Sometimes there is a bit of bureaucracy to go through even with volunteering. In the volunteer work I’m doing now I had to read and sign paperwork and do a safety induction. But a lot of that is just having formal protocols in place that are meant to be there for the benefit of you, the organisation and clients of the organisation.

 I guess the benefits are gaining new skills and work experiences, meeting new people, building confidence, having something more to go on your resume to support future job applications, and feeling you’re giving something back to the community.

Sometimes having to use a new program on the computer can seem cumbersome at first but isn’t so bad once you get used to it. You could view it as another type of skill development in addition to other computer programs you know. If you feel waiting several weeks to start is too long for you, you could look to somewhere else. It did take me several weeks from when I contacted the organisation I’m with until they first got back to me and invited me in to discuss volunteering. I don’t plan to stay there forever but I can feel a difference in myself from when I started till now, in that I do feel more confident in a work setting again and I feel helpful and constructive.

So maybe just reflect on how much you’d like to be in the role and if the efforts involved are worth it. What benefits do you think you’ll attain vs the time and energy involvement. I hope you can come to a solution that works for you.