So alone but no one knows
I have feelings of self-harming.
I don't know why. I am normally logical, and scientific.
I have people who care about me - i think.... but I could never tell them about these thoughts. They expect more of me?
I just feel so alone. Why do I think like this? Why do I want to hurt myself? What is wrong with me?
Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. Please feel free to express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement as this is a safe space.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself as these thoughts unfortunately don’t come from a logical place and can feel tormenting and distressing, but you are not alone, and we are here for you. We hope you can acknowledge that you have made a positive step in seeking assistance and engaging with others for support. These first steps can often be the hardest and we appreciate the courage it has taken to share your experience.
We understand the instinct to hide your feelings from others for fear of judgement or disappointing them, but we are hopeful those people who care for you would offer support and understanding. Have you considered discussing this issue with a professional such as your G.P, a counsellor or psychiatrist?
If at any point you need to reach out, we are always here for you 24/7. Please remember if you feel you need to talk through how you are feeling or honestly do just need a chat, please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
We would also like to suggest Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/
Alternatively we would also recommend the suicide call back service, they offer a range of contact methods that can be accessed via https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/ or by giving them a call on 1300 659 467.
If at any point those thoughts of self-harm become overwhelming and you believe you may harm yourself, or you no longer feel safe we urge you to contact emergency services on 000.
We hope that you find the support and direction that you are seeking on the forums. Once again, we are so glad you have joined the forums and we hope that you feel welcomed into the community.
Hello ts, as Sophie has said, 'you're not alone', many of us have felt that way but have turned the table with people knowing or in different circumstances, not knowing, but certainly know how you are feeling.
You haven't told these people, simply because they expect so much from you to be 'logical and scientific', and to do so would be a shock to them as it would be a total surprise for them, but hey, there are secrets we all hold and frightened to tell anyone.
You could all of a sudden feel some emotional pain, have experienced trauma that your close nit friends don't know about and afraid to tell them, and this can happen at anytime and you aren't to blame at all.
Sophie has given you some terrific links to think about and you must remember that there are times in our life when we feel this way, there may not be an obvious reason, but somehow we have diverted for some known reason or it could be unknown, that's what MI is capable of doing to us.
It's an awful feeling and something we may not have had to experience before, or not in this extreme, but there may be friends/family who want to help you without you having to explain everything to them, that's why we want to support you.
We are here to help you.
Hello ts7982, & welcome,
Having these feelings without any knowing why, I am sure is frightening & confusing. I think, Sophie_M's suggestion to see your GP & discuss with them & maybe ask about talking to a therapist of some sort to help you understand & help you learn how you can respond when these feelings occur can be very helpful.
People harm themselves for a variety of reasons. I can only tell you about my past experiences, when I was so overwhelmed with my thoughts & feelings it seemed to be a way to distract myself from them, just focusing on what I was doing in the moment. Somehow it caught my attention like nothing else I was doing at the time. I'm glad I don't now feel the need or urge in any worrisome way. I can't say the idea of it is completely gone, but very manageable. No worries.😸
What helped me, was allowing myself the time I needed to learn to explore & accept my feelings & processing many things I had not dealt with earlier. & I stopped drinking too.
Eventually, it just felt useless so I stopped. I was still painting then, & I still write. I have a Psychiatrist I like much more than the one I saw then, so, with him, I have been talking a lot more.
I hope I've said something that helps.
Well come to our forums and thankyou for reaching out to us.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way I understand that it feels so confusing to the person who is experiencing this.
It's so hard because we think how am I going to explain these thoughts to the ones close to me because we really don't understand them ourselves.
I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD when I was in the grips of this condition I had terrifying intrusive thoughts some where of suicide or harm coming to others or myself ( these thoughts felt so foreign to me because they where thoughts that really scared me and went against everything I was and stood for as a human being, I was so confused by these thoughts, they began to consume me.
I didn't want to act out these thoughts but they would cause me alot of what if questions ....... Id find myself avoiding certain things just incase or what if......
I opened up to my husband about these thoughts, yes he didn't understand but he tried.
I knew I couldn't endure what I was going through alone because it was too intense for my internal system so I seeked help from health professionals it was a journey but i've now recovered.
Please seek the help you need because once you do you can begin your recovery, I understand your journey may be different to mine but it's a journey you can't endure alone.
Please ask me anything I understand it's hard.