On the road back

[DRAS]

I have a long history of depression and anxiety and some PTSD, i have struggled with it since i was a teenager, i have been off and on medication over the years, all different ones, and for some years i managed with out any medication, but over the last couple of months i have been spiraling down hill again, i had a loss of interest in everything i like doing before, i could not work out what i wanted to do, and then COVID hit and i was isolated for 3 months on my own, many times i thought about taking my life, as soon as i could i went to my parents place where my dad had been battling cancer for around 12 months, 3 days after i got there he died, mum seems to think he was just hanging in there till i could get there and see him one last time, he died at home with family around him, i watched my dad slip away, he looked peaceful, and more than anything i wanted to trade places with him, and the suicidal thoughts got stronger, i would wake up in the morning with really bad anxiety, by midday i was settled to a point and by night i would be in a deep depressed state.... i could not keep going like this, Yesterday i took my first steps to getting better, i went and seen a doctor, and have been put back on medication and have made a mental health plan and in one month i will be seeing a psychologist, today is just day 1 and i have taken my first tablet, i go back to the Dr's in one week to see how things are going.... i just wanted to share this with you all and i will try and keep you filled in on my progression in this post... for them that are in that dark place and don't know what to do, try what i have done and see your doctor, it can't hurt

[DRAS]

Hi all
well i think its been 4 weeks now, or thereabouts on the meds.
today was the first day at the psychologist, there is not much to tell about that as it was the first seshen and it was more about my background, but next week we will be looking at how to control the anxiety better.
i do feel better, i don't feel great or even good, but i do feel better then when i started this post.
i am still lost, i still don't know what i am doing in life, but i am not as stressed out about it as before.

AliasKind, thank you for your support, for me the main thing is to keep it real so to speak, i know its just inside my head, its my thoughts that come up with the worst possible scenarios that could ever happen in life, and i have to keep things in perspective, and try and think about things realistically, so being open is part of keeping it realistic.
When i first joined Beyond Blue it said this was a safe place to let out your thoughts and feelings so i am utilizing that here, and it does help, i reed over my posts and i can see things are getting better, i remember how i felt on that first post at the top, i was drowning, i needed help before something bad happen, so i made a conscious decision to call this "On the road back" i wanted to get better again, i was at a fork in the road, end it or seek help, i went with seek help, and maybe my blog here of my progress will help others, they will see it's not all smooth and in a straight line, but it does gradually get better when you seek help...
Well that's it from me for now, thank you all for your support, i do reed every reply and it helps knowing i'm not alone...

[AliasKind]

Your welcome DRAS your definitely not alone 🙂 Happy to hear your feeling better, great news x