Nervous breakdown

[Guest_9959]

I'm not really sure what to post here, in 2017 I went through a Divorce and my little girl was moved 400 kms away from me to a regional town. I tried to kill myself, failing I sold off everything owned including my house, paid out my ex wife and moved to be closer to her my daughter so I could see her more. I've since moved again to a tiny somewhat remote town and work a job i dont like. We have been in a custody battle for 4 years which has taken all of our savings and I haven't seemed to be able to get a win. I'm tired, broken and out of energy. I feel like a burden on my wife and I find no joy in getting out of bed, in fact I no longer want to get out of bed

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

Sorry yo hear about your situation. In 1996 I was going through similar except no custody dispute. 

You suicide attempt, like mine is a harrowing experience. Post that era I had to dig ďeep and so, dedicated myself to being the best part time dad I could be. This entailed many personal promises eg 

• I would not undervalue my fatherhood
• I would provide them with everything they needed if they came to live with me.
• I would remain civil to my ex even though she permanently was abrasive
• I'd care for my mental well being.

My kids then were 7 and 4yo. I built my own home myself (kit home) and when my eldest reached 12yo she came to live with me. Oddly enough she left her mother's home over the same treatment her mother had given me. 

When my eldest got married she thanked me a lot for my fatherly dedication. It meant the world. Unfortunately my youngest followed her mother and we've been estranged gor several years.

My youngest was 4yo upon separation so I Tolerated 14 years of tension before I cut off all ties with their mother. 

That period went fast, from then on life has been much better.

I understand your pain, however the future is sunny and your kids will find you if separation occurs. Your moving to their locality is proof alone that you love your kids. Whatever the custody result, that doesn't change. Once they are adults anything could happen and usually kids want their father in their lives.

Be there by surviving the storms that come and go. Seek distractions like social connections, sport, hobbies. Our minds need balance.

How old are your children?

TonyWK 

[Guest_9959]

Hi Tony

Thanks for replying, my little girl is 11. Her biological Mother went so far as to throw abuse allegations against me and its become very toxic. I'm struggling to go on to br honest 

[smallwolf]

hello.

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through as written in your initial post. It takes courage to write here and for that you should be commended. Your love for your daughter is also displayed in that post as well. You've shown strength and dedication in moving closer to your daughter and fighting for custody - please remember that feeling like this doesn't make you a burden.

And while you might be in a remote location, I wonder if there are also family and/or family that you can reach out to for support? 

If it also helps I am curious to hear more of your story... that is, if you want to tell it.

Listening...

[white knight]

I'm saddened by your reply but totally understand. Do you realise by her being 11yo there is only 7 years until she is old enough to drive? Until then its important to focus on what I said in my first reply. Like Tim I'll listen for more detail if you care to share it. 

[Guest_9959]

I'm so very tired, the conflict, the anxiety, I wake up everyday scared and sad. I'm living somewhere I don't want to be I'm just here for my little girl, I'm working a job I don't to work. It's really hard to see a light at the end of this Tunnel unfortunately 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Guest_9959,

I'm wondering if there is something that can bring back some spark of life for you? Is there something you have loved doing in the past and lost connection with? Is there something like a local Men's Shed or other ways to spend time with a few others in a setting that is not too demanding of you but just allows you to be with people?

I have recently come out of several months of intense suicidality and there is light and hope coming back into my life. But when you are in the midst of it, it can feel like there is no end and no way out. If you can find a reconnection with life again, you will also be there more for your daughter. I have found that some kind of human connection has been a major factor in pulling through my own struggles. I called the Suicide Callback Service and Lifeline a number of times over several months. When I was particularly at risk, the Suicide Callback Service were really helpful at grounding me and helping me to feel less alone. At other times I had some good chats with people on Lifeline. Occasionally you may get someone who is not as helpful but I find the next time you usually do get a good person, and I've spoken to some outstanding people who were very supportive there too.

I just mention these things as I think staying connected is really important and helps us hold our world together. Living in a small, fairly remote town can increase feelings of isolation and reduce opportunities for meeting others as well. But sometimes there are still local things you may be able to be a part of, either there or in a neighbouring town. Having even just one or two meaningful connections with others can make a big difference. I also wonder if there is any way to change jobs? I know that is not always easy, but if you don't enjoy your current job I just wonder if there is anything else that would suit you better and raise your spirits?

There may also be rural mental health services available. I think they can be different in different areas. For example, I was referred to one here (I am rural also) by my employment agency with the aim of receiving help from a social worker. I have not yet been contacted but I am improving now and may no longer need that support. But there are probably a few options for reaching out for assistance. I think the important thing is to stay connected with people and it is great you are reaching out here too.

Take good care,

Eagle Ray

[white knight]

I would recommend going to a nearby GP and telling them what you've told us here. 

Many of us have been where you are now, only just last xmas I fell into a hole and after walking around for a long time aimlessly, I knocked on the medical centre in my town and simply said "I'm unwell can I see someone right now". It took me 2 hours to simmer down and then I was ready for some professional care. Best thing I ever did.

TonyWK