Needing someone to talk to

[Caitdog]

Hi all,

just wanted to say before I get into the nitty gritty that these forums are amazing and I’m so glad they exist.

Recently I’ve not been feeling so great, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ocd, bpd and autism. In the past I’ve had self harm issues and I am trying so very hard to stay clean. But I woke up this morning and cannot keep my mind clean. Everything is overwhelming and I am so very depressed that I didn’t want to get out of bed. I live with my bf and he hasn’t been much help which has made me spiral even more. I can’t stop my mind from telling me things that I know aren’t true. But it feels pretty shit that my bf would rather play games and talk to his friends than sit with me while I’m in a dark period. The only thing that’s made me slightly happy today is my dog he is great and won’t leave my side. But I’m trying so hard not to slip up and self harm. My life just seems like it has no purpose at the moment which makes the depression even worse. I’m embarrassed to talk to people about it because I’m worried they will judge. I love my bf but I can’t help but feel a little bit neglected right now because of the roles were reversed I would do anything in my power to make sure that he was okay and it feels pretty sh*t that he won’t do the same for me. I’ve tried talking to my friends about it but they all judge him straight away and say I would be better off without him but they don’t know him the way I do. He’s normally super supportive so I don’t know what’s changed. I just want him to prioritise me for once. Especially since I told him how depressed I am. I feel like he never takes me seriously and it’s hard to not spiral even further down. I am trying so very hard not to slip up because I am a week clean from self harming but my substance abuse issues are far from okay. I just want to feel prioritised for once in my life so I don’t feel the need to self harm and do drugs to make me feel something. I hope someone who reads this and has gone through a similar situation can guide me through this.
love and light to you all 💛

[Sophie_M]

Dear Caitdog,
 
Firstly, welcome to the forums we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community. We hope that you find ideas, options and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. Please feel free to express yourself and your concerns openly and without fear of judgement as this is a safe space.
 
We are so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with the urge to self-harm and want to congratulate you on your efforts to “stay clean” and the strength to seek help and support. We understand that these thoughts can become overwhelming, especially during periods in our lives that amplify our feelings of depression. It is unfortunate that your partner is currently increasing these feelings and we once again want to reiterate that we are so glad you have sought the assistance of this supportive community and not acted on these thoughts.
 
You have stated that your partner is normally supportive and you’re not sure what has changed. Have you had a discussion with him about this and let him know you currently feel unsupported? It Is great that you have some friends to talk with, but have you discussed this issue with a professional such as your G.P, a counsellor or psychiatrist? As you state that your friend's advice is usually one sided and not productive.
 
So, if you would like to discuss this further, we are always here for you. Please remember if you feel you need to talk or honestly do just need a chat, please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
 
If you have not engaged with them before we would also recommend Kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 or at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ . This service is available to anyone 25 years old and under.
 
We would also like to suggest Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/
 
Alternatively we would also recommend the suicide call back service, they offer a range of contact methods that can be accessed via https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/ or by giving them a call on 1300 659 467.
 
If at any point those thoughts of self-harm become overwhelming and you believe you may harm yourself, or you no longer feel safe we urge you to contact emergency services on 000.
 
We hope that you find the support and direction that you are seeking on the forums. Once again, we are so glad you have joined the forums and we hope that you feel welcomed into the community. 
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[Guest_2400]

Hi Caitdog

I'm new here and I just wanted to say hi. Thank you for sharing. I can't offer any advice because I have depression and anxiety so I'm not good at giving advice. But I'm here to listen to you if you want to unload.

If I ever say anything judgmental, please forgive me, because I can be pretty thoughtless sometimes.

I understand about self harm. I just went through it a couple of days ago.

I found my answer in religion. But I'm not here to talk to you about religion.

Just wanted you to know that if you think no one cares, I care. I really think it would be a great loss to the world if you left it.

I hope I can be a good and faithful friend to you.

In case you're wondering, I chose the username Bach, because I like the music of Sebastian Bach.

Stay safe, and hope to chat with you again.

xxx

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Caitdog,

Welcome and thank you for joining us. I'm sorry to hear how much you're struggling with this and I can absolutely relate to the things that you've been through.

There's been some times where I've been in some seriously dark places and my bf is, well, playing games. He plays a lot of online ones so he's in the next room but can't even hear me or sit next to me. I absolutely felt like I wasn't a priority.

One of the things that got me through is talking to him. Is it really true that I wasn't/you aren't a priority? Maybe they care but don't know how to show it, or don't realise at the time what you (and I) need.

I hope this makes sense to you?

Hope you can stay safe. On a sidenote, you could make it your mission to keep your dog company (don't leave the room to self harm) or take him for a walk (so you're potentially away from the things that you would use). Not sure if that's a technique that would work for you but I'm so glad you have your dog to support you.

rt