Hi PocketRocket88
The demons of depression are insidious things. For some people, they don't notice them until they really get going. For others, they wake up with them every morning, which is so cruel.
I can relate to how you describe the depression you face. For myself, I'd described it in the past as like having some nasty hideous little creature perched upon my shoulder, day in and day out. It would spend almost all day whispering far from sweet nothings into my ear, unless I was distracted. You know the drill. At it's easiest to cope with 'You're hopeless' through to the more severe (when I'd hit the absolute depths on occasion) 'You're hopeless at life. You may as well give up now. There's just more suffering ahead and you know you won't be able to cope with it', it was relentless. This imaginary creature didn't just whisper. It was as though there was this long dark cloak that it held in place from firmly around my neck. All the words that had become pinned to it over time were the words I fully believed described me. Words like hopeless, loser, useless, worthless, lazy, angry, control freak and so on. So, in 2 ways the impact was there - the internal dialogue and the beliefs (the labels).
I still recall the day I came out of that 15 or so years in depression. What it felt like was...the cloak had fallen to the ground and I felt, for the first time since I was born, naked with nothing to describe or define me and the creature was gone, finally gone.
I believe the analogy of nasty little creatures or demons helps in some way, for with this way we can imagine them/depression as being separate from us. They/it does not define us. While depression, with the worst of intrusive thoughts, can feel like a part of us, seeing it as separate in this way can give us the freedom to consider battle strategies with which to win the battle against that which comes to us in such tormenting ways.
Btw, JK Rowling's 'Dementors' in the Harry Potter books/movies were created based on her experience with depression.
