Mirage chasing

[M-i-a]

2 weeks fresh from a relationship breakdown, 10 years and 2 kids.

For the past year the distance grew between us, I've been trying to understand and pleading. I feel like I been chasing a mirage of happiness, I've got nothing left sitting in my brothers spare room with 2 kids while she's partying down the Gold Coast. I don't know how to start over , I don't know how to get a roof over my kids heads so they have something of their own when they come and see me. The only time my mind isn't in overdrive is when I'm working or exercising,  I have a car and a job. I'm so lonely, casual sex isn't helping. I just want my family back together but that's not going to happen. Doing therapy is just someone listening it seems,  "move on , get hobbies meet new people " I'm an introvert and it makes me feel like ending it would be easier. Even writing this seems futile, I just want a branch to hold on to and there's none. I was a drug addict 17 years ago and I just want to take all the heroin I can and sleep... because waking up in the morning is like dying, shit.... going to bed every night is like dying. Do it for the kids... because that's all you've got.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome,

I can hear the immense pain and heartbreak in your words, and I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. It's understandable that you're feeling lost, lonely, and overwhelmed right now, especially with the added responsibility of taking care of your kids.

It sounds like you have been doing everything you can to save your relationship, and sadly this does not seem to be working out. It's okay to grieve the loss of what was once a beautiful and important part of your life. It's okay to feel like you don't know how to start over, but please know that you are not alone in this.

I understand that therapy may feel unhelpful right now, but please keep in mind that healing takes time and there is no timeline for your recovery. It's okay to take small steps towards self-care and finding healthy ways to cope with your emotions. 

You are worthy of love and happiness, and you will find your way through this. Please don't hesitate to reach out for professional help if you feel overwhelmed, and know that you are not alone in your struggle. And I am listening ... Could talk a virtual walk and talk?