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Living in car
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Howdy everyone. My partner and I of 7 years broke up at the start of the year and I've got no place to go. My 3 kids don't know that I'm officially classed as homeless and living out of my car for the last 9 months. Both my parents and sister have passed away a while ago now and I don't have any family to turn to for help. 2 mates know all the details and how I'm living and trying to help. I'm still working 2 jobs and can't get a rental to call home either. I had 2 Social workers give up on me trying to find a home, my ex was trying for 3 weeks but gave up and now a mate has offered to help with a bond if I find a place. Finding a place seems like a waste of time because I don't have anything to put in a home. My dog is living with the ex and she won't let me see my 15yo dog either now or even send me a picture of how she is going as well.. this Xmas coming will be the 8th shittiest in a row now and I just can't do it again. I just can't seem to get a break in life or get the hell I need to have a happy life again or share it with someone that loves me. Everything seems pointless or useless to me and all I can think of is just going, disappear or leave without a trace to never come back. I know it will break my 2 sons 18,17 and my 20yo daughter would not care. She refuses to see me, talk to me or even reply in texts and now she won't let me see my 9 month old grandchild that I've seen 1 time for 10 min. I have no where to go, no one to turn to and everyone gives up on me now and I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel and only seems like my hole is getting deeper by the day now. I cry myself to sleep most nights while sleeping in a sleeping bag in my car and pray to the lord to take me in my sleep but it never happens. I'm sick of this missarible life and so exhausted to the point where I can't think of see properly now. I need help and kindness
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Well tomorrow is Saturday and I'm at my truck, forklift and loader job. It's been raing hear most of the week and it's been good because people dont go out much and I don't have to hide away, get looked at or asked what I'm doing by the locals around hear. It's cooler too so I get warm and toasty in my sleeping bag. The car fogs up alot but nothing I can do about that. This week I've been spending time at mates houses till around 8 or 9 pm then set off in the dark for a place to sleep the night. Been Lucky enough a couple times to have a meal with them and watch tele that I've not seen in 5 years. The ex would only put on shows for her 2 kids under 10 to watch till bed time then want to go outside and light a fire till midnight knowing that I needed to be up at 5am to be at work by 6am. If I didn't stay up for hours with her to talk when she wasn't on Facebook or messager chatting with her ex bf or mates she would get shitty and I could tell a fight was going to start so I'd go to the bedroom to get ready for bed or try to be not around her but she would follow me and it would start. We would only go where she wanted and when she was ready or felt like it even 1 time I was 30 min late to a mates funeral too. I lost all my realitives because of her, the fights and was made to feel bad when I wanted to see my family and cousins that now refuse to see, talk or be around me. It's been a very hard 7 years with the now ex with being arrested 4 times because of the lies she told, 3 ivos and many times being kicked out of the house and ignored but she would always demand I still pay my half of the rent when I was not allowed to be there so I didn't pay it. Looking back now I can pin point where and when my life turned to shit. It was when dad died almost 11 years ago now. Tonight it's still raining and I've just got to a KFC to get chips for dinner with a big handful of change to pay for it.. I realised this afternoon that my Saturday job pays me Tuesday but that's a public holiday this week so I don't know when I get paid now. Sorry if it sound like a massive rant or I'm just complaining now but this is the story of my life and it totally sucks big time. I'm tired, bit wet and hungry so I'll go find a place to hide now. Good night everyone.
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Dear James010405~
It sounds to me more like it turned ot s**t when you met your ex. I know losing your dad is a big thing and greif can last a long time, but she sounds just plain nasty.
One of the tricks to gain more control and hurt is to alienate the partner's family, and that sounds like exactly what she did. The same comes from not recognizing you needed your rest and making arguments and putting in false AVOs.
Some peple are like the - toxic.
You sound a pretty handy sort of bloke, forklift, loader and truck. Hopefully they will pay you a day early, some companies do. It also sounds like you have got living in a car down to a skill.
I'm glad you have your mates and that you can be with them for a bit - even meals sometimes, it would make an awful lot of difference if it was me.
I'm guessing you have been the victim of an abusive relationship - yes I know women are the most often harmed, but it does happen to men too. One of the results of that can be a very strong sense of shame. It makes no sense, but it happens.
Have you ever had a chance to talk to a psych or councilor about that very thing? You may be surprised.
Shame (nowadays called stigma) is a very powerful thing, so powerful in fact in the past I'd sooner attempt to take my life than talk about it -go figure.
Croix
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I've tried to talk to a counsellor and a physc but it's too hard I just break down in tears, can't talk about and feel even worse. It's just way to difficult to talk to someone about all the small details and exact points that has and had happened over the 7 year relationship with the ex. I hope I get paid on Monday and not Tuesday too but I'll message the office lady at work and see what the go is soon. It's Sunday again and I don't know what to actually do now again. The fuel light is on in the car and I've got about 28 dollars left to get me through to when the pay comes in. I'll probably make my way 5 suburbs up and get a free hot meal at a place I go to on the odd occasion. They have got to know me know and the owner is a very nice lady that has a quick chat and asks me how I'm going and when am I coming back so she can see how I'm doing.. I've just woken up about 30 min ago and slept 2 hours longer than usual somehow, it's sunny too. Hope you all have a fabulous day
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Dear James010405~
I too prize my grandfather's tools. My father had a knack for carpentry in wood too, even made a grandmother clock but was not in the same class as my grandfather could make anything from wood or metal (including parts of biplanes used in WW1).
His tools were themselves works of art : A boat shaped spirit level with brass edging wherever it might wear, a complete set of saws , Beech I think for the handles, all different tooth sizes, keyhole, miter, crosscut and rip too, a folding rule edged again in brass (all imperial inches of course), no end of other stuff ,even a spokeshave which I beleive he used on early undercarriage. Plus a ton of spanners (no use except on plumbing fittings nowadays)
They are a legacy, a continuation on of talents that appear in later generations. I hope your sons manage ot extract them.
See part 2 ...
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Part 2
At the moment you are seeing all the horrible things your toxic wife has placed in your path -and yes they are horrible.
Actually the further away she is then in time the free-er you are going to be, not weighed down every moment of every day with all the grief and hopelessness.
OK, you are starting form a position of no money, but you are young enough to build, and with the lessons you have been forced to learn will not fall into the same traps. That does not mean you can do it all by yourself, like most people you do need a hand, though the shape that hand comes in is a guess
It might be that lady wiht the free meal, it might a particular person in Anglicare, it might be another job exercising your practical talents.
I thought I knew the future - I was certain of it - and my vision was despair, I was wrong, and with a hand or two over time I'm now good
Look, have a think of why I keep posting ot you. I'm not paid to do it, I'm not told - or even suggested I talk with you. I do it becuse I want to give you as much of a hand as I can -which I agree is not much just in text - bit it is genuine. I want to because I've faith in you (like people had faith in me).
There are hands around, admittedly some better than others, but you'll never find one that really helps unless you try to grasp them. This place here (answering their email which I'd be pretty certain they might have set you or even ringing ) might be ok, if not give them the finger and try somewhere else else.
Please go get yourself a free meal. The world looks just a but different on a full stomach
In 6 months time I'd really like it if you said "Croix I'm surprised - you were right!"
Croix (who just broke the post length rule:)
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Hi again op.
l'm sorry l can't suggest more but there are a few other things.
ldk wth your ex is like this, there must be things. She sounds like she has more problems mentally than you tbh and obsessed with you even though from memory she's the one had an affair broke up the family but gone on to her new life and your the one suffering . ldk how marriages end up like this l really don't with kids involved. We've worked together from day one, 10 or 11yrs now, and still do.
lt wasn't easy we've had to nurture this as parents just to be sure we kept getting along and fair to ea other and "our daughter" above all else. lt just saddens me to the core other couples don't do this but carry on the way she is at their children's and yours expense- why is she like this ? Wth is setting her off like this.
Anyway , on the dog , l know you miss him but he's old now man , l'd just let it go. He's better off retiring at home and you probably couldn't even look after him like atm anyway it'd just make your situation even harder. Take some peace let it go and later on when your resettled, you can start again and get yourself a new pet.
Your kids,gone are the days fathers can be shut our like this you have legal rights to 50 50, that's how it is now.
l know, your not up to that right now or a fight with her, and prob don't want to be around them right now in your situation. But again later on when your resettled, just know you can legally see your kids and be the best dad you can, even if you have to go to court to get it it through to her.
Meantime , maybe you could write to them and explain , talk, calls , let them know how much you love and miss them too. They don't need to know what shape your in right now, as such, it'd be too much. But maybe some milder explanation of why you can't be with them right now but your thinking of them and missing them everyday. Maybe you could kee in touch like that for now.
Well , that's what l'd be doing , or something..
Hang in there, just know that as crap as things are life changes just around the next corner. Keep looking for a place, brainstorming, you'll come up with something.
rx
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The 2 kids under 10 are the ex and her ex hubbys kids. Mine are to my ex wife. Mine are 20,18,17. The last 24 hours have been beyond extremely difficult and emotional for me. I've cried for hours uncomfortable and with much shame of it too. I was ment to go to the house today with a mate to get my tools at 5:30pm and the ex gf message me at 3:00pm saying it's cancelled and she has to go out and no one will be home so I can not go there at all.. in my heart I knew she would have some BS excuse like always.. but the other day was constantly on me about getting my stuff from there but won't let me there to get. These are the mind games she has been playing for the last 8 years now and there getting more intense and extreme. It's mental abuse, physcologal abuse too. Just goes along with the games she does like changing the house locks when I'm at work and I can't get in, deleting notes of stuff gone on in the house when I'm sleeping and steals my phone. Telling me things didn't happen and it's all in my head and I'm paranoid. I had years of notes, pics and messages all deleted while I slept. I messaged a lady that was helping me when I first became homeless and she was on holidays and someone else rang me back and told me they can't help me now or again but go to the hospital to get checked over because I've been sleeping ruff for 10 months now. Like how does that help or offer any support for me if any? I didn't sleep much last night maybe 2 hours max because I was too worried the police would pick me again because the ex gf or someone told them where I was sleeping. I learnt my lesson and now don't tell anyone where I am these days for that reason. It's 11:00pm now and I'm about to get into my sleeping bag for the night. I was just thinking before I've not slept in a bed or used a pillow in 10 months. Not been held, hugged or felt loved in that long as well. It's a sad harsh feeling knowing that your not loved, wanted, needed by anyone. Sure my 2 boys tell me they love me everyday in a message and that's awesome I love it alot. I've got a old gf from 25 years ago and were great mates and she knows 90% of what's happened and how I'm sleeping too. She doesn't know the mind games, locks changed, the other times I've slept in my car, the mental abuse and trauma that the ex gf has done
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Dear James010405~
They have to play mind games, and I guess it is for two reasons, firstly so they feel they control people and are not a loser, and secondly becuse they like to hurt others -sadism.
That business over the tools and the time is typical. I would think you have already rung 1800 RESPECT 1800737732 who may be able to at leat tell you what to expect -they do deal with men, not just women, and betimes help, worth a try. Actually looking for any organisation that might help the homeless in your area might be worth a call - you can always block caller ID if you want.
I know you have probably thought of all this, if so at least you know you are on the right track.
Did you get paid today ?- I hope so, pretty hard if not.
You may not agree with me but I think, considering everything you face, you are bearing up well. Being mentally and physically abused is a terrible thing to live with but you are doing it
Croix
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