Living in car

[James010405]

Howdy everyone. My partner and I of 7 years broke up at the start of the year and I've got no place to go. My 3 kids don't know that I'm officially classed as homeless and living out of my car for the last 9 months. Both my parents and sister have passed away a while ago now and I don't have any family to turn to for help. 2 mates know all the details and how I'm living and trying to help. I'm still working 2 jobs and can't get a rental to call home either. I had 2 Social workers give up on me trying to find a home, my ex was trying for 3 weeks but gave up and now a mate has offered to help with a bond if I find a place. Finding a place seems like a waste of time because I don't have anything to put in a home. My dog is living with the ex and she won't let me see my 15yo dog either now or even send me a picture of how she is going as well.. this Xmas coming will be the 8th shittiest in a row now and I just can't do it again. I just can't seem to get a break in life or get the hell I need to have a happy life again or share it with someone that loves me. Everything seems pointless or useless to me and all I can think of is just going, disappear or leave without a trace to never come back. I know it will break my 2 sons 18,17 and my 20yo daughter would not care. She refuses to see me, talk to me or even reply in texts and now she won't let me see my 9 month old grandchild that I've seen 1 time for 10 min. I have no where to go, no one to turn to and everyone gives up on me now and I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel and only seems like my hole is getting deeper by the day now. I cry myself to sleep most nights while sleeping in a sleeping bag in my car and pray to the lord to take me in my sleep but it never happens. I'm sick of this missarible life and so exhausted to the point where I can't think of see properly now. I need help and kindness

[James010405]

Chatted with an old gf from 25 years ago this morning and was ok. I headed a few rowns up about 2pm for a free hot meal and a quick chat with the lady there, knows me by name and asks how I'm going, where have I been and gives me a can of drink sometime too. But what got to me today as I was driving up there was a song that came on the radio and triggered me. Had to stop driving, pull over into a carpark and have a moment where I lost it and broke down again. 45 min later I got myself together enough to drive the rest of the way there. I got paid around 5pm put fuel in the car, a pouch of tabbaco and few small items. Then I headed to my spot for the night. Feeling ok that I actually had some money and I can survive a bit longer I checked my bank app and was devastated something that goes out on Wednesday went out today and took the rest of it. Felt ripped off and shattered I'm broke again.  Not heard from the ex gf today either. I need and have to get them tools because they we're my dad's and it's all I had and have of anything to do with dad. It's 2:05am and I can't sleep but the alarm will be going in 3 hours. Already feeling defeated in this day and try not to let it get worse. It will be good to be around some nice people for a change considering I'm alone for the last 3 days with myself and thoughts. I'm not good being alone 

[Croix]

Dear James010405~

Yes, in some ways our own thoughts can be our own worst enemies. When life is not good mine always stray to what's happened (or may happen) and brood on it. Sure hte thoughts are right, injustice and bad circumstances, no way to argue wiht them, but it's the brooding on and on that damages.

So I'm pleased you will have others to be around, it's important.

I also like the sound of that lady with the hot meal who is getting to know you by name. It's always better to be seen as a person, not just someone to feed. Does she have an interesting history herself?

I agree about the importance of those tools, I expect you remember me talking about my grandfather's. I guess it is a matter of out-foxing your ex, maybe you sons will end up helping.

Music does have power, one classical choral piece reminds me of a happy time in my childhood when I was in a choir. Then again a hymn, "All things bright and beautiful" was what my first wife particularly liked so we used it for her funeral. Still affects me.

I hope you got a bit of rest.

Croix

[James010405]

Hey gang I I'm back. Still beyond struggling on my own with it is now the ex's bf is on me for least couple days now. Saying I'm going to jail and he has mates waiting for me there with a big welcome party just for me. He also said if I contact the ex again he will find me and knows where my 2 jobs are and he will bash me and leave me in the gutter. It's just never ever ending now the texts, messages and the fear of being found. But the bonus now is I have to ring the local police station and get them to call the ex and ask her what time is good or available for her. It's beyond stupid now. I do not need access Into the house just garage that does not have a front door. I drove around for a while today for a reason and a mates gf was messaging me to see where I am, if I want to go over and stay with them for a while. She is a good lady that my ex was super jelious of and made many accusations to me about how she is my gf, lover and we chat about the ex. It's all lies and control maybe minuplation on me for having friends too.  I had dinner with them 2 a night last year and the ex just rang me flat out but I din't answer the calls, then she was texting me for over an hour with hate, nasty words and then I had to leave to go sort it out and as I got to my car it was covered in sticky notes that said I was cheating, lies, whore and more disscusting words I won't repeat now. How can I keep going when it's now 2 people flat out on me. Do I have many choices left or to do? If I went to the police and show them what's going on would they do anything and just don't help me. My ex wife is a cop and I'd ask her for advice but she refuses to communicate with me for the last 9 years now 

[Croix]

Dear James010405~

I guess it might be time ot get some advice. The Community Legal Centers give free advice in some circumstances

https://www.fclc.org.au/

I've found that there are some police officers who are willing to give a certain amout of advice on making AVO's and also on intimidation and/or harassment/stalking (this is important) - plus cooperating in matters of access to regain property.

This is not a hard and fast rule, depending both on the State or Territory, the legal code in that area and the individual officer.

If you have done all this already my apologies, though trying more than once can sometimes be helpful.

I'd suggest you keep the sticky notes.

Still, asking is worth a try.The worst that will happen is that you are no further forward, and the best is that you may get things more sorted.

I"m realy glad you had that friendly contact, I do hope you accept

Croix

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[James010405]

Just woke up and it's Sunday morning now at 7:05am I'm cold and exhausted feels like I've not even slept at all. Fell asleep last night sometime I don't know. Didn't get onto the sleeping bag and left the drivers side window down all night. What a stupid thing to do on my behalf. Can't believe I done that again now. I've got to call the police soon and tbh I don't really want to do it. I have no choice but to make myself make the call. I've never used the police to help me do a single thing in my 45 years now and I'm feeling like it's a sign of weakness on my behalf 100%. If I don't call to get the cops to ring the ex the bf says everything is going to the rubbish dump and there sending me the Bill. Good luck with that I say. I really don't know if the ex will make a time and stick to it or just say no. I wanted to just lay down and sleep the day away and have no contact with anyone and be alone because that's all I'm worth. It's all facts guys

[Croix]

Dear James010405~

Yes there are times when it does not seem worthwhile to get up. A pity abut the window.

That bit about the bill sounds typical harassment.

Have you managed to do any good about getting your tools?

Croix

[James010405]

My tools and dad's tools well that's a massive problem and issue now mate.  I went to the local police station and told them what's going on then they say they will call the ex gf and call me back with a time to be there.. 7 hours passed and no call. Then half way down the hill the cops ring and ask where I am. Explained in a annoyed voice they didn't call me back at all!! So had to turn around and go back then park 1 street down and wait for another hours to pass before they decided to show up. Then they have the nerve to hassle me, take my car keys look in my car and then call the ex gf to see if I can get into the garage for 20 min. Her reply was no possibility of me or police on the property and they can get my tool chest and 1 ammo box of spanners out and left on the road but will take 2 hours to get it all out. So 20 min passed and the police ri g her again to see how it's going then she looses her shit at the cops and refused to get any thing out and says her bf tools are in there too so we can't have anything from there. So now I have to apply at court for access to the garage and get my stuff. She will say that my stuff is her bf tools because he has heaps. So basically I E list everything I've owned now. Happy days 

[Croix]

Dear James010405~

I agree that trying to get your tools is most important, and I guess she senses that and is being as obstructionist as possible because they are and that way she can hurt you again.

I am pleased the cops did try to help, even if they were not on time and basically ended up doing nothing productive. At least you have some witnesses.

Do you mind if I say that the tools are an ongoing thing and that you realy do need to get out of the car and into some sort of accommodation near your work, and maybe more of your attention could be in that area.

I do know you have tried, and not had satisfactory results, but I'm wondering if you have tried everywhere. There a lot of different agencies who help the homeless, and each can recommend others. Not all are well advertised.  It only takes one to have something

Do you think you could reserve 1/2 an hour per day doing this?

I'm worried that the longer you are stuck in the car the more it will get you down and less able to deal with  your toxic ex and her bf.

Croix

[James010405]

G'day mate thanks for the reply too.

In all honesty mate I have given up on a ace to  home. Can't see the point in it actually.  I do know and understand that the ex gf wi drag this out as long as humanly possible just to get at me and drain me and also possibly break me more than ever. Sure I could go there at night or when she not there and break in, break down the fence Infront of the garage or even get mates of mates to just go there and don't care if she or anyone is home. But if I did any of that above then the law falls back onto me again and I don't need that at all now. It's 12:45 pm at night and I'm wide awake and can't sleep even though I really want to and need to because the alarm goes off I just over 4 hours time. I'm tired and exhausted now and just want to sleep a whole day now somehow.  Yeatoi went to a mates house and she and her bf got in a fight, threw stuff at each other, yelled, screaming and she called the police while I was telling them to please stop, I can't handle it and I started to breakdown and cry so I left in the middle of it all. I drove away and parked about 3 streets down and was a total mess for a solid hour. This exactly what the ex gf would tell the cops in did to her. All lies and stories against me. I had to go In fear of the police, interviews, hand cuffs and taken in the back of there van. I was so scared I had to run from that house. Then that night they called me and apologise toe.doe that fight. They knew it set off a massive trigger in me and wouldn't stop for me. I'd say tools are gone for ever and so is dad along with them 😞

[Croix]

Dear James010405~

I'm sure you are quite right that just breaking in and grabbing your tools will cause you more grief, as it puts you on the wrong side of the law -and you certainly don't need that.

It's a pity your friends argued -again just what you do not need, considering your circumstances I'm not in the least surprised you had to go away and have a reaction, totally understandable. Which is more than you could say about me in the past. I'd start crying and not know why -a frightening and painful experience.

Looking back I can see  I was reacting to very unpleasant things I'd been though before

At the moment your ex is deliberately driving you down, and hte effect is  in thinking the tools and your  dad's memory are gone, it's not the case. Same with finding some sort of accommodation. It's not impossible, even if at the moment you think it is.  Those negative thoughts are the result of your ex's cruel behaviour. The have surprisingly deep effect.

I hope you will put up the me repeating myself, I do so out of concern for you. First you need a base, and that means trying allsorts until you find something near work.

Second, although you feel you cannot bring yourself to do so, you do need professional physiological help. Without that I'm afraid you will simply sink down further.

I found approaching a doctor and a psych to me a most difficult thing to do, and have taken a couple of days to write down half a page in point form of how I felt and what was happening to me. Trying to be honest, no matter how frightening or embarrassing, was the worst part.

In the consultations it was surprisingly easy, I just answered questions to explain some of the points. it also  gave the medicos a list to work from

If a truck's running low on oil you put some in, not let it come ot a standstill.

With a base and support you may well have a new determination your ex is not going ot get the better of you and you will fight for your property and entitlements.

My apologies if this seems like nagging, at the moment it may even seem unrealistic, but standing outside I beleive both can happen

Croix