Is it normal?

[Amaryllis]

Hi, this is my first time trying this but I need some advice.

I'm 16 and have had a history of SH since i was 12. I don't really know what started it. I have tried to stop but I keep going back to it, even when nothings wrong I just find myself relapsing again. I always feel like I'm being overdramatic when it comes to my mental health and feel like I'm faking the whole thing.  Earlier this year I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression and had tried therapy but honestly it didn't help at all. I want to be able to tell my parents but they think that putting me in therapy solved all my issues and they are not people I feel comfortable sharing this with. As much as this is horrible a part of me wants to get worse and never recover. Is it normal to feel like this or am I just attention seeking? I've also many times found myself thinking about wanting to die but never having a plan. Like I have thought about most likely methods I would use but I never actively wanted to pursue any of them. Some were brief and some really strong. Last night i found myself having these thoughts in my dream. I don't want to die but I want to disappear. I have intrusive thoughts about hurting myself, but I don't know if its related. Am I even making any sense haha? there was a lot more that I wanted to say but I don't know how to put it into words. I really don't know what to do. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

All this stuff going on is more normal during your maturing stage that later on imo. All sorts of thoughts are running through your head and they seem uncontrollable. Some of these are "intrusive thoughts" eg they come even though they are not welcome. So I'll deal with that first.

I had intrusive thoughts mainly when I was unwell mentally, I had anxiety and depression and I went to therapy. My therapist suggested that instead of trying in vain to stop thinking about them which wasnt working, that I distract my thoughts and this is an easy process, it was for me anyway. So if I had a day off work and I thought about my boss at work visiting my home- that was an unrealistic thought. My boss never visited my home so it wasnt real, I was fantasising. So I was gardening at the time. To distract myself I walked around the block, said hello to a few neighbours and helped an old lady lift her shopping indoors. When I returned home only 10 minutes later my intrusive thoughts were gone because my senses were distracted- eyes, smell, hearing were all involved with other activity. Try it. Even changing rooms in your house can work in fact I used to have a jigsaw in a spare room that I used to do 20 pieces and my thoughts were diverted.

Mental illness can have benefits would you believe? I was like you with feeling I was over-dramatic. In fact it took a few decades to realise I was really sensitive and ended up writing poetry. Some like art. In fact many famous people in the world have had mental illness. That's because parts of our thinking and behaviour is extreme... when you find your own extreme abilities you will be surprised. You might become interested in writing, drawing, painting, adventure nursing, etc all these activities have extreme emotions in order to carry them out. It might all fall into place as to why you feel over dramatic. It is also true that we with mental challenges feel we are not normal and so we crave for understanding which sadly we dont often get, thats why we are here because us community champions do have mental health conditions too. We are not professional people.

It is hard but we cant expect our friends, family even parents to understand the mental anguish we suffer. We'd like them to but as it is injury that isnt visible its like asking people to know what its like to walk on the moon if you have done so. So another reason why we are here to support you and understand.

Feelings of wanting to die can come and go. For me it was there because I wasnt being understood and felt all alone. Again, change your environment. If you have a dog, walk him or play in the back yard.

As for dreams- I always discount them after waking up. You cant stop them so why dwell on them?

You do make sense. You write extremely well and covered all the topics needed. If there is anything that you can improve on is to view life in a more positive way, I do that by helping other people. You might one day also, its so pleasant. Therapists is another story but some help and others not so much, try another one, they can be incredibly helpful.

I hope I've helped. Reply anytime 24/7/365

TonyWK

[Guest_54285963]

Hey there! 

You totally make sense. TonyWK said everything I would say, but I wanted to chime in with a "me too". It's been years now since I was a teenager, but the memories are fresh. The most important thing I learnt was how night-times are the enemy of happiness! All the stress of the day is waiting for you when it gets dark and nothing feels good. It's easy to dig deep into our worries and fears and pain. It can hurt so much and we can feel hopeless (I still do, sometimes). My number one piece of advice is to avoid being awake at night! I go to bed early ie. 10pm (thankfully my evening tablet helps me sleep). This means that I don't spend hours overnight feeling awful and alone! I know this isn't always easy though. Just know that your tired brain is not looking out for you. It sees the shadows and forgets that the sun will rise and the new day won't seem quite so bad.

You're not broken, you're not terrible. I wish someone had told me that when I was 16. Turns out I'm on the Autism spectrum, and have ADHD, and that's why I'm useless at organising myself and staying on task. You will find your place in the world, you will enjoy the sunshine and the flowers.

Best wishes!

[therising]

Hi Amaryllis

I believe a very important question can be 'Is in normal under the circumstances?'. The 'under the circumstances' part is so important. For example, as Tony points to, under the circumstances of being highly sensitive, it's normal to be able to sense a lot. This means we can sense what's amusing, depressing, soul stirring and more. Under the circumstances of being on certain spectrums, as insightful Guest points to, it can be normal to struggle with structure and focus amongst a number of other things. And in many cases it can be completely normal to struggle with a variety of types of challenging inner dialogue. Perhaps the next best question beyond 'Is it normal?' is 'Is it healthy?' or 'Is it good for us?'.

While it's normal to seek stimulants in life, so as to feel stimulated, high and full of energy, it's not healthy if the stimulants of choice are doing more harm than good. While certain forms of self harm are understandable under the circumstances (especially depressing ones), emotional drinking, emotional eating, emotional risk taking and other forms of self harm can all have a serious down side and down is not a good place to head towards. On the other hand, positive or constructive stimulants have nothing but an up side when managed well. Positive or constructive stimulants become reliable tools to put into our backpack as we travel through life. If we gather enough tools over the years, it means we can reach in and pull one out when we need it. In a way, you could say we're tool gatherers or skill gatherers.

If you're naturally a sensitive person, I imagine you have a lot of incredible untapped abilities (loads of them). As a sensitive gal myself, I'd say one of the most important things to achieve in life involves finding other sensitives. It's good to be able to compare notes. One of the advantages to comparing notes involves us being able to say 'So, it's not just me. You can relate as well'. For example, when it comes to the depressing or highly stressful nature of someone or something, to have someone else say 'No, you're not imagining it, I can sense that too' can come as a massive relief. It also means we're not left feeling or sensing alone. 😊