i feel emotionally miserable

[anon_1475]

i’m constantly filled by the fear that everyone who’s meant to love me hates me. i feel really uncared for, especially by a particular loved one, and can’t stop thinking about how life just doesn’t seem to be getting much better. i want to just give up.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome Anon 1475
 
Thank you for contributing to our online forums. It sounds like life is feeling difficult for you at the moment and we are sorry to hear you want to give up. Life can be pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about harming themselves and or giving up. We want you to know that you are valued and cared for in this space. Please know that you are not alone - we are here to support you 24/7 whether that be via our counselling support services, forum pages and or through our social media pages.
 
We would like to invite you to contact one of our experienced counsellors via telephone 1300 22 46 36 or webchat  - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/support-service/chat
 
If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums.
Please call our friends at -
Suicide Call Back - 1300 659 467  www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au   
Lifeline - 13 11 14    www.lifeline.org.au
or contact emergency services on 000.
 
We encourage you to please stay connected with our community and hopefully you will find some comfort and respite with our community members.
 
Keep Safe and Take Care.
 
Sophie M.

[therising]

Hi anon_1475

I feel for you so deeply as you face such incredible challenge at this time in your life, especially when it comes to certain people and emotions. I'm not sure if it will help but I'll throw the following out there in the hope that it does...

Some time ago I can remember trying to make sense of why I did not feel loved. In my mind I had to make sense of it, as not feeling loved had become so deeply depressing. What came to mind was 'You need to define what love means to you'. I took up the challenge which led me to finally define what love means to me. To me, love is found in evolution. If I can feel someone leading me to evolve through and beyond what challenges me, what depresses me, what stresses me and so on, I know I am being loved. I can feel love in action. I can feel myself actively being loved. On the other hand, if someone simply says 'I love you' over and over, while sitting back and leaving me to feel challenged, depressed, stressed and so on, I do not feel love or loved. I hope that makes sense. Personally, I'm a gal who loves others in active ways that make a difference to them.

I think not everyone is conscious in the way we need to be loved, based on our nature. If we're someone who evolves through inspiration, 'tough love' may simply feel depressing. For example, if someone's trying to motivate us for our own good by using phrases such as 'All you do is laze. You are lazy. Get your act together and stop being so lazy. Get off the couch!', that's not inspiring talk. It's talk that can feel depressing to someone who thrives on inspiration. On the other hand, if someone inspires us by saying 'Okay, we're going to walk to the local shop and keep count of all the cats we see along the way', then it's about getting off the couch, exercising, meditating on cats and conversation. If seeing cats leads you to feel happy, it's a bonus.

Self love is a similar concept. If I can inspire my self to evolve in some way, I am technically loving my self. Self loving ways don't have to always be huge. You may love your self enough to listen to calming music through good quality earphones, if you're stressed. You may love your self enough to wear a particular perfume that brings you a simple sense of joy when you put it on (aka aromatherapy). It's strange when you think about it, how most of us aren't really taught of the ways in which we can love our self to life.

While people around us can deeply love us in their own way, we may not feel that. This can be based on the fact that we feel love in a number of specific ways, some ways in which we may be yet to define. While love is a feeling, it can be a feeling that requires greater definition at times, so that we know why we're just not feeling it.❤️

[indigo22]

Hi anon_1475,

I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment, I think you are feeling really alone also from the sound of it.

You have taken the first step in reaching out so thank you for having the courage to do that.

It is downright miserable when you get as low as you are now, I have been there myself. You just want the pain to stop and you can't think of a way to get away from it. I don't think any of us actually want to give up, we just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and feel that giving up is the only option, but it isn't. The fear you are feeling is understandable if you are feeling uncared for, but the fear will turn into something more permanent if you don't address it early. What I mean by that is that when you feel insecure and afraid, you need to talk to someone who can help you work through what the source of your feelings are. If you don't do this now, you may end up dealing with depression and anxiety in the long term and I know you don't want to feel like this any longer than necessary. I know that in my experience the people who I loved the most (and should have loved me the most) were the ones that did more harm than good. Sometimes you will come to understand that it was not about you, but about their lack of ability to show compassion and that may stem from an experience they have had that you are not aware of. In order for your life to get better, you need to start loving yourself, getting the help you need to move past this stage you are experiencing. Loving yourself is about knowing you are worthy of everything that any other person is worthy of and sometimes, if we cannot get what we need from the ones we love, we need to learn how to give it to ourselves. Be gentle with yourself, show yourself compassion and reach out to the help line and talk to your GP about getting a referral to someone you can talk things through with, that is how things will eventually turn around. Things will still be difficult for a while but you will begin to feel less stuck as time goes on. Come back to this post and let us know how you are getting on, we will be here for you.

Hang in there.

indigo22