I am safe at the moment - thoughts of self harm

[K_Ley]

Hi I am so confused with what is going on for me.  I have always been a strong person and looked out for those around me.  I have lost 4 relatives in less than 2 years, one of my sisters being the last in May from covid.  In the past 6 weeks I have self-harmed twice.  I have never done that before.  I am talking to a psychologist once sometimes twice a week.  Tonight, I had thoughts of it again but didn't act, was able to use some of the tools I have learnt and redirected my thoughts.   I don't understand why I am even having these thoughts, I am not suicidal and I really don't want to hurt myself either.  What is wrong with me????

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

What is wrong with you is a question your psych can best answer. However, loss of people dear to us especially a few in a short period can have ramifications, hopefully for a short time.

So, I've self harmed once and attempted once too. My brother and uncle both left us that way. Plus marriage breakdown etc. What I developed was a "talk to myself" system of discussions like "I wont do that because my (put loved ones name here that passed away) wouldnt approve of that."  or "I want my uncle to be proud that I lived every moment of my life as best as I could, so I wont self harm".

I say these thing to myself weekly when feeling down. Besides, self harm doesnt sound very productive to me, I mean it doesnt achieve anything. Yes it could be that we are punishing ourselves or we dont like ourselves or blame ourselves, I'm sure the answer is in there somewhere, but it's really illogical to me. Instead now if I have bad thoughts I do a few things-

• change environment. Best thing is to walk around the block. you'll be amazed how that can help. Focus on birds, bees, flowers, say hello to the old lady weeding her garden or help her lift groceries inside. 
• ring a friend but dont mention your thoughts, talk, ask him/her questions.
• Google - Maharaji prem rawat all is well. also Maharaji prem rawat sunset
• write- a story or poetry
• learn to like yourself more than other people do

I hope that helps

TonyWK

[K_Ley]

I am so disappointed in myself tonight.  I had gone two weeks without thoughts of self-harm but tonight I started to think that way again.  All because I was rejected for a job I applied for in 2024.  I thought I would have a real chance and they couldn't even tell me why I didn't get it.  I don't want to feel so helpless every time something doesn't go the way I want.  Will this ever improve.  

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Honesty is the best policy- so no, problems will always arise because life isnt stable. But there's a few things that can help.

I found these developments have helped. I've self harmed once a long time ago.-

• Aging. Yes getting older makes us more knowledgeable and experienced. We sometime gravitate away from self harm for that reasons.
• Accepting life as an up and down way of being helps. some people say "nothing surprises me now" as a Remember, you could have got that job and be made redundant a few weeks later hence- expect the unexpected.
• The human factor- to expect humans to act poorly or unfairly. Eg if you expected that employer to 1/ not contact you 2/ be nasty or blunt when contacting you etc then when you finally got the word from them that you didnt get the job, you half expected that anyway.
• Some times the person given the task of telling you why you didnt get the job isnt the person that made the decision. That usually the reason why they cant tell you- why.

By far the best thing I ever realised with self harm thoughts (or worse) is distraction. As soon as you get bad news- go for a walk. Say hello to neighbours, help an old person carry their stuff, smell the air, pat a dog... anything just move!. 

There is a vast difference between feeling down and negative for losing a job opportunity and patting yourself on the back and praising yourself for applying in the first place. This way of thinking is actually within your ability but is well hidden. You need to allow it to become the main form of thinking. 

It would benefit you to seek our motivation lectures, read books on positive thinking and so on.

I dont know if you'll gather the gist of the thread below, just need to read the first post. It is an account of when, at 26yo, I changed my way of thinking in 30 minutes.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

I'm here daily. You are welcome to keep posting. Any questions?

TonyWK

[K_Ley]

Thank you.  I am finding it hard to see anything positive right now but thanks I won't give up

[K_Ley]

Hi,

so I thought I was at rock bottom last night and for many hours that is how it felt.  I managed to get a couple of hours sleep but unfortunately this morning I found it too hard to go to work and within 2 hours of waking I had self-harmed.  The damage was minimal, and I was able to calm myself with help from lifeline.   Only problem is I am more susceptible when I am lonely and as a result, I harmed again this afternoon.  I am ok, but I so don't want to harm anymore.  I am trying all sorts of strategies, apps, meditation, you name it.  I am only in the beginning stages of this mental health journey, and I realise that things could get worse before they get better... but does anyone know of anything that has helped more often than not.  I live alone so the loneliness is not going to go away anytime soon.   

[Eagle Ray]

Hi K_Ley,

One suggestion I read somewhere is holding an ice block as an alternative to self harm, as it is a strong sensation but you are not actually harming yourself. I’ve been struggling with a self-harm impulse since yesterday and I live alone too so I know how hard it is. I think I’m going to try the ice block thing. I’ve gone to the ocean today with my camera to take photos and it’s at least a distraction. I know it’s horrible though.

 I’m possibly not the best person to advise right now given my own state, but I try to think of self-harm as something that will only temporarily alleviate things like a drug but will have a downside after. But I fully get it and please don’t be hard on yourself that it happened. You are trying really hard to manage things.

 I know the self-harm part is like a dissociated, non-integrated part of the self that’s really vulnerable and suffering. So I think what can help is finding a way to nurture that part. It’s like becoming kind and supportive to the suffering part and taking care of that vulnerable part of the self. It’s often when you are overwhelmed that the suffering, distressed part takes over, so even just recognising you are in overwhelm may help to give some perspective.

Remember to reach out like you did to Lifeline whenever you feel the need to try to regulate and you feel it would help. I hope you can get some support through some therapy or counselling which you may be doing already.

Take good care and sending you kind wishes.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through such a tough time lately. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and share what you're experiencing. It's important to acknowledge that you're not alone in this, and there are people who care about your well-being.

As for tools you (/we) can use (or at least I use) is that when apps don't work for me I will go to something physical that I can play with in my hands - I use prayer beads because worry beads were not available to purchase.

Going back a few years when at my worst I would be using distraction tools on my phone for a couple of hours to get over that wave. It takes time 😞

At the same time we each have to work out what works for us individually.

Lastly, I would also mention that beyond blue has some resources on the website for alternatives to the self-harm. You might be able to check those out as well. Let me know if you cannot find them and I will see if I can locate them.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

understand you're feeling disappointed and upset after being rejected for a job you were hoping to get. It's very frustrating when things don't work out the way we want. However, don't be too hard on yourself. Relapsing after two weeks of progress is still an accomplishment.

On the job ... I would also find it very frustrating not to be told when if I did not get a job. In fact, something similar happened a few years ago. I was trying to get into this program and I was rejected. I received a letter that said I was not ready. No other reason was given. It would take me nearly a year to find out why. Those that did ask me once I had found out could not believe it. But... there you go.

You could always ask 'what happened?' 

Hopefully they will let you know. And if not, you have tried ...

Listening if you want to chat more.

[K_Ley]

Thank you for replying.  I guess that after many years of being the one the had all the answers snagged all the jobs that she wanted, was always the life of the party, to now be someone who cant even handle a simple reject for a job is really devastating and frustrating.  Its been a rough couple of days and a bit of an eye opener I guess as to what my current new 'normal' is.