Hi - I need help

[Wrailith]

Hi,

I decided to finally post here after trying to seek help but not being able to find anyone for a few months now. Hopefully now I will be able to find someone who can help.

I am suicidal. I have social anxiety. I am depressed. I am very good at hiding my feelings.

everyday I just hide my thoughts, smile when I have to speak when I have too. But none of it is real. This is how I have interacted with everyone in my life for almost a year now. It feels like telling anyone how I feel will be like saying I have lied to them. Now I am in a constant cycle where everything is getting worse and I can’t stop it.

But I’m not really alone. I have the most amazing pony who means the world to me. She is truely the only part of my life stopping me from leaving. But there is only so much that she can do.

I am at a point where I need help.

so please help

[Sophie_M]

Hey Wrailith,  thanks for reaching out to this community. We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear how awful you are feeling at the moment and that you are hiding this from your family and friends. We understand that this must be very overwhelming.  Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/  It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/ Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you here.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Wrailith,

Thank you for not hiding your feelings today on the BB forum - Don't you feel just a little better because of it?

I bet you tell your pony everything on your mind - this is the love of a non-judgmental friend. I can also see that what probably started off as a few stories deflecting how you feel from others, may have blown out of proportion over a year, leaving you feeling out of your depth?

Okay, people who choose to be offended by what you say is entirely up to them - their right to feel disgruntled (some people simply thrive on that - see it all over the web). These are not your friends and, frankly, you will be better off without them. Your true friends will accept your honesty (perhaps maybe an apology?) and give you the love and support you deserve - non judgmental.

Being yourself is the best cure for social anxiety - being comfortable in your own skin. It's who you are and people will love you for that... or not, you can't please everyone. And the best cure for depression is receiving the love and support from friends who accept you as you are.

Regards,

t.

[Wrailith]

Thank you so much T and Sophie,

the past week I have been opening up to my friends and family. Some of my friends are now giving me the cold shoulder but 2 of them are being really supportive. My family had been a little shocked but have tried to help by helping minimise being exposed to my triggers which is really helping. I can see them second guessing every time I smile which is upsetting but expected. And off cause my pony is being the most supportive little angel ever (:

thank you so so so much. U have both helped me out of a really dark place that I don’t think I could have gotten out today on my own.

wrailith

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Wrailith,

You're doing a great job to bring yourself to the surface, and your family seem completely supportive (BTW, you are allowed to smile... occasionally, lol) - they have much to learn also, so your support is equally required to help them through.

2 true friends, who understand the real you, beat 200 acquaintances any day - you are loved and have shown love in return by trusting those to respect your feelings. Change is always hard to accept at first and some take a little longer to process things - that's fine. Your pony has always known who you are - so intuitive and sensitive aren't they? I have a niece who is a sort of 'horse whisperer' by profession and adores all animals.

Stay true to yourself while retaining compassion for others' confusion. Feel free to get in touch anytime.

Kind regards,

t.

[Doolhof]

Hi Wrailith,

Welcome to the community here on the forum. I'm sorry to read you have been struggling so much. It is not always easy to open up to people and let them know you are not doing so well.

It is wonderful Sophie and T have responded here and Sophie has suggested organisations you can contact. I have also used the Beyond Blue and Life Line support services and have found them helpful, I am older than 25 so can't use the services offered to you.

It has helped me immensely to have people to talk to. I sometimes cry when I am talking to support people as well and that is okay.

Regarding your friends, some people don't understand mental health issues, are afraid and confused by them or just don't know how to respond.

I have some lovely friends who are happy to catch up and chat with me, just not about my mental health issues. I realise they don't know what to say. I enjoy their company. They are supporting me in their own way.

It is wonderful you have your pony. I was just watching online how an older lady befriended her neighbours dog and how much joy that dog brought into her life.

Please know this is a safe place to share if you want to. Many people here understand dark places.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Russian_Red_Foxx]

Hello Wrailith,

I have been going through similar problems and I feel your pain. Over the past few months, I have managed to find some effective methods for easing my thoughts.

-As my name and profile suggests, I LOVE foxes. Sometimes I find that a great way to ease my pain is just by looking at pictures of them or adding to my board on Pintrest. We are all different, so even if you are not a fan of foxes, you can still use any other type of animal you find cute.

-Pretend that you have a pet. Even if you already have a cat or a dog, think of something more calming and adorable. I am sure it is no suprise that mine is a fox called Lucy. She often likes to cuddle up with me in bed and sometimes tries to steal my food, still cute though. Like I said before, not everybody loves foxes, so just find what suits you best. If you already find that one of your current pets suits you well, then try to have some quality time with them.

-Have a shower. I often find that showers can be extremely soothing mentally and physically as it gives me a feeling of breaking free from dirt and bad moods. This may not be the best option in areas with tight water restrictions though...

-Make some tea. I often find that a nice cup of tea is the most effective method of relaxing my mind and muscles. Particularly on a cold and rainy day. My ideal cup is some nice strong black tea with a spot of milk and no sugar.

Like I would have said before, not everybody is the same, so your ideas may differ. These are just some things that I find helpful. I hope you start feeling better...

Russian_Red_Foxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Russian_Red_Fox,

I just wanted to acknowledge your lovely post here to Wrailith. It is full of caring, lovely ideas and understanding.

Hope you are doing okay in your own journey.

Cheers from Dools